that it is causing more harm than good. she doesn't want her, says that where she lives is not preschool friendly(new baby daddy's grandpartents!) however i know that his sister lives there with 2 kids under age 5. i dont want to keep her from her mother but when the woman doesn't even care to make sure that she is with her, hasn't had her since she was 6 mths. i got custody from her father, what do i do? she acts out when her mom comes around and acts out less when she doesn't but i don't know what is hurting her more having her come by or just saying i got custody stay away?
2006-07-08 00:10:19 · 6 answers · asked by fearthis1 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
custody over children is a hard battle, im a mother and i would never leave my kids, some women just arent meant to be moms i think you are doing a great thing by raising someone else's child i think you would be putting the childs best interest at heart by keeping her mother away hope you find the right answers
2006-07-08 00:19:03 · answer #1 · answered by sweetie1995 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the mother wants to see the child but is wary of creating a bond that might be stressful for all concerned.
Imagine being together for an hour or two, talking and cuddling, then having to get up and walk away.
now that the pattern has been established...you have two choices
either halt all contact, or reduce the frequency of the visits.
in some small way it depends on what the mother can cope with.
in my opinion, if the child has full awareness that you are not her mother there is nothing to be gained from telling the real mother to stay away apart from the obvious short term stabilising of the childs emotions.
perhaps you could vary the location sometimes...for example "bump into" the mother when out shopping, share a few words, and move on.
mother and daughter can see each other briefly without a teary and draining formal encounter.
2006-07-08 00:44:35 · answer #2 · answered by leadbelly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Stuart. By having custody it is not only your responsibility but your duty to look after this child's well-being, regardless the situation. Just because the woman you mention is her biological mother doesn't mean that she is a good person to have in the child's life. She may be a good person in some regards but obviously isn't where this child is concerned. You are in a tough situation, facing a touch decision, but deep down I believe you know what needs to be done. If you are worried that this child will hold your decision against you when she gets older, keep a diary of events. Record behaviors prior to the mother's visit and after as well as your feelings and concerns and your reasons for the decisions you have made. When said child gets older it could be hers should she want it. Good luck.
2006-07-08 00:50:56 · answer #3 · answered by adagia27 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are the child's custodian. You can make the decisions about who the child sees, and what is or is not good for the child.
If the child's mother is causing problems for the child's emotional well being, and you think the child would be better off not seeing the mother, tell her so. "This child needs some adjustment time. You're causing problems with her happiness. Say away for a while until she is a little more stable. I will tell you when I think that is."
Good luck.
2006-07-08 00:16:51 · answer #4 · answered by Stuart 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound like having her come by is helping the little girl. That is the person you must worry about. Little kids are smarter than we give them credit for. If she doesn't want the child, she should stay away all together. It's doing more harm than good. I applaud you for caring for the child.
2006-07-08 00:32:19 · answer #5 · answered by doglady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have custody, you can determine if the girls mother is coming around upsets her. It might be in the best interest of the child that her mother does not see her.
2006-07-08 00:15:55 · answer #6 · answered by older woman 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋