She stays overnight at our apartment every three weeks! Even though we told her that it is to much she still continues! Finally we spoke up and she is mad about it! What do you think?
2006-07-07 23:36:37 · 8 answers · asked by michiganwife 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Your mother-in-law certainly should back off. For her not to understand this, make it a very serious problem. She has to know that newlyweds want to be alone...all newlyweds! Your husband has to be the one who has to step up here. This is unfortunate but he must make it his absolute business to get his mother to understand. Failure to do so will result in more problems in the future. He should be as sweet as he can be but firm. Let her know that the two of you love her very much...and the last thing either of you want is to hurt her. For now though, she has to let the two of you have your privacy. DO NOT LET HER BLAME YOUR WIFE! There is no soft way to put it...she is interfering. After you told her she should have been understanding and compassionate and delighted for the both of you. I am sure you told her in a polite manner. For her to inject this type of problem in your young married relationship is cruel. If she is able to respect your wishes I am sure you will be more than willing to share with her more in the future.
Good luck...and congratulations on your wedding.
2006-07-08 00:24:39 · answer #1 · answered by Robere 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Firstly congratulations!!!!!!
It's a catch 22. You don't want to come over so often, but you don't want to offend her.
How far away from you, does she live? She may be staying for practical reasons.
She probably just wants to spend some time with you both.
Maybe give you a bit of a hand around the apartment.
Just go along with it. If you keep telling her not to, she will probably only think you are trying to turn her son against her, and get mad with you. Is it really worth that?
My parents come to our house every fortnight to see our boys. It's nice, it's gives us a little break. And someone to talk to you, when you really need to talk to someone.
2006-07-07 23:57:07 · answer #2 · answered by Mummabear 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello Michiganwife,
This is a very "delicate" subject, but I'll give it my best shot. I've been married for six years to my husband and like you, I have a mother-inlaw that likes to be involved in our lives. My husband is an only child, and she is recently widowed. Most of the time I don't mind her company. I guess I kind of sympathize with her (she's 72 yrs old, and lonely). She want's us to spend every holiday with her, come over to her house every sunday for dinner, and go with us when we go on vacation. I honestly don't mind any of this, but there are times when I want to spend time with my husband alone (he feels the same way that I do). When we feel like this, we just gently let her know what the deal is. We don't wait until the last minute to break the news to her, we'll always tell her ahead of time, so she can get it in her head that we're going to do something by ourselves this time. What I've found to be very effective with her, is to just be FIRM! Not mean and nasty firm, just FIRM.
Maybe you and your husband can try this approach. It might work. Especially seeing that your mother-inlaw comes over every three weeks to spend the night at your apartment, surely she shouldn't object to you guy's not wanting any overnight company sometime. Just tell her of your plans ahead of time, and be FIRM without being disrespectful. If this upset's her, let her know that to upset was not your intention. Try to appeal to her heart. If she continues to be upset with you, give her some space by keeping your plans. By giving in to her everytime, and letting her have her way, isn't helping the situation. Hopefully, you and your husband can slowly "break her" from this.
Now remember, she is your mother-inlaw, and you want to keep things as peaceful as possible, so you're going to have to "grin and bear it" sometimes. Just make sure that when it comes to this problem with her, that both you and your husband are on the same page.
I hope I've been of some help to you.
Wishing you guy's the best,
Signed, Carolyn M.
2006-07-08 00:21:47 · answer #3 · answered by Carolyn M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once every three weeks? I wouldn't go ballistic about that. Why is she staying over? It's not as though she's moved into the living room or anything.
2006-07-07 23:41:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well shes probably missing her baby :) Every 3 weeks isnt bad anyway, seems normal. Maybe ask her to move in it might scare her. hehehehe
2006-07-07 23:46:44 · answer #5 · answered by Wildmanlookin4u 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You did the right thing, she can't expect to be there whenever she wants. Invite her to stay, and make it clear that she is welcome when invited, and that you home will always be open to her as long as she doesn't abuse the privilege.
2006-07-07 23:41:38 · answer #6 · answered by Jim C 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its normal. Live with it and get used to it.
2006-07-07 23:42:04 · answer #7 · answered by Dr Dee 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
let her understand her with some practical view so that she can understans ur prob .
2006-07-07 23:40:50 · answer #8 · answered by sundeep2323 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋