http://www.thestarlitecafe.com/poems/101/poem_8345707.html
2006-07-07 23:25:37 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
aww i like it
but it might sound more "poemy" if you took out most of the "and"s and the like. its nice
you should go to "allpoetry.com" and post your stuff. the people there give good critical comments
2006-07-07 23:30:07 · answer #1 · answered by Sheshh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you really need to work on your grammar and expanding your vocabulary. There is too much empty repetition of words. I know you mean well, but in poetry, more than any other written art, the highest level of effort should be put into it, and you have fallen well short of the mark. Love poems are a dime a dozen, so make yours stand out. I'd mention some tips, but I can tell you'd have no idea what any standard poetry terminology would mean. Read the poetry of others, to see how they make you see and feel simply with the words they choose. Keep trying though. This is meant to be constructive criticism, not to make you cry, lol.
2006-07-07 23:38:08 · answer #2 · answered by mia_violenza 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very heartwarming and sweet, but needs a little more work especially the ending... Good luck and post again once tweaked abit.
2006-07-07 23:40:08 · answer #3 · answered by ditzychik508 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wonderful Poem... really touches the heart...
2006-07-07 23:32:49 · answer #4 · answered by Demolisher 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
really really touched me, u made me think back to when i was in love...anyways its good but do a little proofreading. in one part u said "can't denied" and i think u meant "can't DENY". other than the grammar, i really liked that poem, â¥
2006-07-08 07:55:28 · answer #5 · answered by ♥~qkazoo89~♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
GREAT POEM.REALLY NICE.THANKYOU FOR GIVING THE OPPURTUNITY TO READ IT.
2006-07-07 23:39:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tiz pretty cool
2006-07-07 23:29:42 · answer #7 · answered by Hyphon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
SHOULD OF LISTEN TO YOUR TEACHERS AND STOP SMOKIN POT ALL THE TIME
2006-07-13 16:08:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i duno
2006-07-07 23:34:59 · answer #9 · answered by Paulo the guy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
too long
2006-07-07 23:27:42 · answer #10 · answered by lime_crush 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋