Do you believe the first born is the most special?

Question

I lost a baby. I was three months pregnant. I feel like that was my special one and that when I do have a baby it won't be as special. I am scared that I won't love it as much as the one I lost and that I will constantly wonder if my first would have been better. Any advice? I am in so much emotional pain at the thought of this.

Answer 1

Honey, you will love and adore your firstborn. You will be so proud when it smiles for the first time, crawls for the first time, walks for the first time. You will have so many 'first times' that sadly you were unable to have with this last pregnancy. You will bore your friends with your pride..lol..like most new mum's do.
I too know the pain of loss but I do not have any belief that the baby I lost a few weeks ago was going to be my most special child ever. You are in danger of building up a fantasy that no child could even come near to. Ultimately when you fall pregnant again and look down into the face of your newborn baby and into those sweet innocent eyes, all of that fantasy will disappear.
Miscarriage is such a difficult thing as you have already begun to make plans and wonder things from the day you see the line appear on the test. Give yourself time to heal, mentally and physically and then try again. I know that some people believe that you can ask the spirit of the baby you lost to return to you in your next pregnancy. If that would help then try it. HUGS..and loads of sticky baby dust to you.

Answer 2

Oh my !! I am so sorry for your loss - reading your post has put me to tears - I had a miscarriage years ago but it was only from 4 weeks pregnant over 4 years ago-but I felt how you are now -I questioned if that child was supossed to be the first - & I even wondered if I could have another - But let me tell you - I had my first child this Jan - She has brightened up my whole world -I feel like a new person and she is beyond special to me even if she really wasn't my true first - but I am very open minded -so sometimes I wonder if she has the same soul as the other pregnancy -like maybe she's the same baby as before - and the time before was just the wrong time -so she came back to be with us at the right time-
Anyway
I think all babies are special - And I'm sure when the time comes and you have your baby You will know in your heart that they are Special -but i bet you will feel that way even when your are pregnant again - you are young and have plenty of time to become a mother -so take as much time as you need to get through your loss - so that when the time comes you will be fully ready to enjoy to expectancy of your baby
I even named my past baby Shannon (boy/girl) so that I would have some closure to what happened & me & my fiance' talked openly about it -to help me deal with what happened
I hope this helps
I will pray for you to heal emotionally and that your future experience of having a baby is a blessed one
Take care

Answer 3

A baby you lost is often very special. You have all your hopes and plans, and none of the negative experiences (including losing a previous baby!!).

When you *do* have a baby, you will probably be afraid to be close to her/him until you are more than 3 months pregnant. It's scary. Most women who have lost babies don't start relating well to being pregnant until they get past the point of the previous miscarriage. Once your baby is actually born, you will hold her/him in your arms and just *know* how special she/he is. You won't ever forget the baby you lost, but a baby you can hold in your arms in addition to in your heart is compelling in a way that you can't imagine right now.

And so is the next one. And the next one. Even if you have several children you are raising, you will find it hard to believe that you can love the next one the way you love the others, and every time, you will.

Answer 4

No. I think all babies are special. I have 4 and I kove them all the same amount.

My mother lost her first baby when he was a day old and had 13 miscarriages total yet she went on to have 4 living children after the first baby.
She often talks of her first but says and has always shown that she loves us all the same as she loves him.
Now, as an adult, I understand the love of children and realize that the love you have for them is all the same. You need not worry, Once you hold your next bundle of joy more love then you ever imagined will flow through your body!
For the time being I pray that your soul heals from the loss that you have experienced.

Answer 5

I believe that every child is special in a different way. I also lost a child before my 5th. That baby is never out of my mind, out of my heart.

Live life while you can. God knows best.

I love my firstborn, because he is smart, strong, with a big heart. A good big brother to the rest. I love my 2nd born for her independence, and wit. I love my 3rd born for his adventurousness and love for earth's creatures. I love my 4th born for her gentleness, and her care for others. I love my 5th born for his sense of humor, and his amazing way of making everyone melt at his feet.

I am currently pregnant with twins. Every day I have some sort of fear that I may lose one, or lose both. The only thing that I can do is take care of myself to take care of them, and be as healthy as I can be. And, wait patiently.

You will love your children. All of them that you may have. You will never forget about the one you lost, and it'll help remind you how much you love the one you'll have. Death is something that has to happen in this world, but with death, it also brings life.

When I lost my baby before my 5th child was born, I knew it was what God intended. However, I became pregnant not too long after losing that one. And instead, I have a wonderful 4 1/2 yr old son who lights up everyone's lives around him. It was my son's time to be born, not that baby's. So said God.

Answer 6

all babies are special. You will never forget the one that you lost but the pain will ease. You will love your baby when it comes. I think that you will be scared to love it whilst you are pregnant in case you lose it again. This is very common with women who have suffered loss. Once that baby is in your arms and is healthy though, you should feel that rush of love and wonder what you were worrying about.

I wish you luck xx

Answer 7

well u didnt have a first BORN yet as at 3 months ur bub wasnt born so ur next baby will be ur first BORN. it is normal to feel very emotional after the loss of a baby and its mainly hormonal but time will heal ur pain, remember ur baby and u will love ur next baby as much, once u see their face u will understand how special they r to u. im sorry for ur loss, and good luck. ps there is a great website u could put a memorial on for ur lost baby, it may help u to remember ur bub in a positive way.
http://www.the-remembrance-place.com/index.html

Answer 8

Nope. Its not more special. You will love all of your children dearly. None should ever be more special in your eyes. All of my children have wonderful qualities and things I love so much about them. You need to do councelling to learn how to deal with your grief. You will love the next baby just like this one. But first, you need to emotionally heal from your tragic loss.

Answer 9

Honey it was not yet born? So you will surely love the one who is gonna come into the world. As such, being a parent, I feel that its a fact that your first born is special but again the smartest kid takes over the charm... So keep smiling and give us the good news...

Answer 10

first of all, let me express my condolences. I know it must have been hard for you to lose someone so precious to you. As for your question, my answer is simple. You WILL love your first born as if it was the only child to have ever mattered to you. You will look at him/her and think to yourself, "My I've done something great! It can't get better than this!!" And you know what? You'd be 100% correct. This child you brought into this world be perfect in your eyes, and that's all that would count. Keep your head up and keep trying. God will bless you. Good luck!=)