my husband seem to have the need to tell his mother everything that is going on in our relationship even if we argue he will call her and tell her one night we were having an argument and he picked up the phone to call her it was about 3am i am at my wits end it seem to me that nothing is between us only he always have to run and tell his mother what ever is going on its got so bad that i do not even tell him things although i wish i could in fear that he will run and tell her and when she come to visit if she ask me questions the two of them will start bombarding me with questions about what ever she was asking me about help i am at my wits end anyone out there have any ideas on how i can fix this problem i hate thinking that there is 3 of us in our relationship oh and by the way when i found out he was talking to women on the internet she told me that there were worse things than cheating!!!
2006-07-07 22:46:11 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Whoops! That's a big no, no. Tell your husband it' s time he let his mother have her own life, and he should get a life of his own, with you. My mother was a confidante at times in my life, but never like that. She was very wise and didn't interfere in any of my marriages (3), but I did seek her out on occasion for advice, but not about marriage, only other things. As I said, she was very wise, wise that she wouldn't have advised me about any of my marriages. She held her counsel about that, and I knew better than to ask. So, I think your husband needs to be less dependent on his mother. Possibly you could also be a little more forgiving of her and her influence over your husband, and that might help him see that he doesn't have to run to her instead of trying to work things out with you. Secrets and most problems are best kept within the marriage, or shared with a marriage counselor.
2006-07-07 23:27:44 · answer #1 · answered by Nightwriter21 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
1
2016-12-22 23:34:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex bf used to do the same. He lived with his mother because she had health problems - some sort of heart problem, and was very frail (in my opinion she had mental problems).
The situation got bad when his mum started to tell him that a man doesn't need to have just one girl in his life at a given time. That he needs experience and he should live his life when he is still young, etc. She wanted me to do her house chores and told my bf not to introduce me to his relatives, that I didn't have good enough manners and he would be ashamed of me, if he did.
(I was in my second year of college, had a job and a scholarship)
After a few weeks I left his home but I wasn't able to end the relationship. I thought there may be a chance to appeal to his good nature and counteract his mother's influence.
When I did leave him for good, I felt as if my whole world was coming to an end and nobody would love me again. I don't know why but all the time I was with him I used to feel inferior and unworthy.
They haven't changed to this day (we are neighbors) and his current girlfriend also lives with his mum and puts up with all his infidelities, which in the meantime have become notorious in the neighbourhood.
He is very loyal, reliable and helpfull to his male friends and he is in some way "the leader of the pack" some sort of a "men's man" - the one that everyone admires but never quite dares to copy. Apparently, he has a full and happy life.
Good luck to you! Hope this helps.
2006-07-07 23:45:01 · answer #3 · answered by wherestoriesgol 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is tough, but not much you can do.
Actually there is, there is always something.
Talk to him and tell him you don't fell comfortable with he sharing your problems with other people, principally someone so close to the relation, (tell him that you appreciate her help, and all her advice, but there is a thin line that can break and if it does your relationship with his mother may get compromised).
Find someone to discuss your problems, maybe in the Internet, then you tell him how nice is this person helping you and wait to see his reaction.
After the reaction, when his mother decide to manifest her ideas about your "cheating", remember her that there are worse things than cheating.
2006-07-07 23:00:00 · answer #4 · answered by joseclaudio2001us 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should first ask him if he married to you or his momma? then let him know if he's married to you respect the fact you don't want your business told. what happens in your house between you is just that!!! He either needs to cut the apron strings or just move back in with his momma this way he doesn't have to call her at 3am just walk down the hall and tell her he's been a naughty boy and she can give him some cookies and milk. He needs to grow up ALLOT!! I may not know the exact quote from the bible but it does say man shall leave his parents home and make a new unit when he takes a wife (something like that or in that context)
2006-07-07 23:27:40 · answer #5 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow..you married the worse kind of man "A mama's Boy"
He thinks that she can fix everything and that her son can do no wrong..and there really isn't anyway to fix it. You need to lay it on the line to him now before you 2 start a family...can you imagine what she is going to be like when her precious son has children? you will be the worst mother in history compared to her...Stand up and if you still feel like you are the 3rd party in the relationship...I would hit the road.
Good Luck!
2006-07-07 23:20:32 · answer #6 · answered by SouthernKNC 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not a wife, you're some sort of interim babysitter and playmate for this guy. Clearly, the woman in his life isn't you, it's Mom.
Personally, I don't believe it's possible to change an adult. Your decision, as I see it, is to either learn to accept the (very weird and peculiar) role that is expected of you by Mother & Child, or go find a man.
2006-07-07 22:53:00 · answer #7 · answered by silvercomet 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Clearly your husband thinks that whatever mistakes he does his mother could fix it. I'm sorry to say but your husband is not mature enough to face his problems. Talk to him, tell him that you are not comfortable with having his mother intervene everytime you have marital problems. Tell him you need to work out any problems on your on. I think that a little distance from his mother wouldn't hurt.
2006-07-07 23:14:38 · answer #8 · answered by irish 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
think about it this way .. She isn't ruining your relationship you both are because there is a problem and he isn't standing up for the family... that to me seems like the problem not so much the MIL Now to the detial part. sounds like you need to stand up for yourself as well. won't get respect if you don't respect yourself. she is calling you a crap load of stuff and you just sit there and take it.. why? oh because she isn't talking to you... well shoot her an e-mail (using your and his e-mail) and let her know that her what she thinks is a misconception and if she wants to get to the bottom of it and know the truth she should contact you. if she don't then ignore her. don't make it as a big of a deal as she wants you to. get some control over your life. yes it's hard. but you can do it.. you have a child ...
2016-03-15 21:29:48 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to grow up and be willing to discuss any issues between the two of you without calling his Mom. When he married you, then she was to come after you in his life. He's going to end up without a wife in time if things don't change for the better if you
2006-07-07 22:54:35 · answer #10 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋