I don't like people I will like them at first, but find out more about them, and start to dislike them. Why?

Question

I'm becoming a hermit. I really hate people. The more I find out about them the more I find out they are backstabbers, and liars. They are total losers, in my own words. I try to be nice but how can you be nice all the time when you find out people are just plain dumb? grrr

Answer 1

Perhaps you have set your standards too high and are looking for the "perfect" friend, with absolutely no flaws in their character. However, this is impossible. We all have flaws, that is what makes us, special, beautiful and unique from others. Instead of being annoyed by their "loser" ways, find ways to embrace their individual differences. Further, you may benefit from reading various psychology books on dealing with other personalities not like your own. A great first read is "The Personality Puzzle." I would encourage you to read this along with "How to Talk to Anyone." By learning to appreciate and accept others for their individual differences, it makes you a better, more well rounded person who has the ability to cope with change.

Answer 2

The reason is, you hate yourself as well. You judge yourself too much. You try to appear nice, but you know that's not the real you. You've suppressed your lower nature which you don't accept.
Next time, when you "hate" someone, ask yourself silently, "Do I ever express similar traits?" Look deeper and see if you can recall a time when you were a backstabber, liar, and feeling dumb.
This is an inner work for your transformation. Nobody is watching at you, so, just relax and do your own homework honestly.

My advise is, instead of looking and finding faults of self and others, discover your interests, talents, and good virtues that you have. When you meet with anyone, just discover what good virtues they have. (only good ones) Make this a habit. In the course of time, you'll see how happy you're with life.

To begin with, *accept* yourself totally.

Answer 3

i have 2 observations to make from your question.

1) it sounds like you've met some real sh*t kickers.
2) you sound like a kind of grumpy person anyway.

if you think 1 sounds more like you, then that sucks the big kahuna. really. once you've been stepped on by a few people, it's really hard to trust anyone else. but that doesn't mean that everyone will step on you or that you shouldn't ever trust anyone again.

if it's more 2 however, then i have to say, you need to realise that there are probably things about you that other people don't always like. i'm not saying you're a bad person, just that maybe you need to put some things into perspective. nobody's perfect, and that includes you.

also, a good friendship is not just based on you and the other person agreeing on everything all the time. my best friend and i once had an argument and then didn't talk for almost 3 months. even though i was angry with her (and she with me), i really missed her. now, more than 2 years later, our friendship is even stronger because we know that there are things about each other that we don't like, but overall, we love each other.

finally, there's no rule that you have to be nice all the time. but there's a good piece of advice that says 'do unto others as you would have others do unto you'. you reap what you sow, so try to remember that next time you're mean to someone or think horrible things about them.

Answer 4

I know just what you mean... I feel the same way. I think people just can't help themselves. When they're not happy they don't want anyone else to be. Everyone needs to feel that they're better than someone, so they usually pick "friends" who they think are beneath them. Personally, I quit having friends a couple years ago because I was tired of being stabbed in the back and being constantly lied to. I mean, the whole purpose of having friends is to have someone to talk with and know you can count on them through the good and bad times in your life.

Answer 5

It is good to be selective in choosing who to keep company with. However, you have to remember that people have flaws. If you want friends, you have to decide what kind of flaws you are willing and unwilling to accept. But, if you want to be a hermit, I understand; sometimes people are trouble. Do what ever makes you happy. Be nice; just don't let yourself get used or taken advantage of.

Answer 6

not always,, dislike to bgin with but love latter happens too, anyway coming back to your question, a rare good question i might add. u r right this phenomenon is all pervasive and a true testament of just how self preservation and ego are vital/essential for ones sane existence. when we meet strangers,about whom we know nothing about and objectively of whom no schema or module exists in our brains, every thing appears rosy and interesting as we are objective in our perception...as time goes by our consciousness constructs a schema( mental image of that person) it becomes predictable what ever he does is analyzed and all possible motives construed, our ego mostly highlights the wrong reasons rather than good to make itself look morally superior, essential for its sanity and health..thereby we have more reasons to hate than love,which, we can with great effort...

Answer 7

maybe that's it. so far all of the people you've met are what you call 'plain dumb'. maybe they're the people who have the charcteristics you hate. don't worry, you'll find poeple you'll like, though we are unique, you'll find someone whom you share a lot in common. if that's not it, maybe it is you. maybe you keep seeing the bad side of people you meet. you might find it hard to look at them at a good angle for some reason. to find out, get a friend and ask him or her to tell you what they think about the person or persons you don't like. basing on their answer, you might find out some good in these people you just overlooked. if they find it hard to see their good sides, maybe these people are just not the kind you like. but remember, it is only your friends' opinions. try surveying these people yourself. you might just missed out some of theirgood charcteristics because of certain reasons. good luck!

Answer 8

You don't need to be nice all the time and you are right most people are not going to be your friends. They will be associates, acquaintances, co-workers, just people you know.

If you have one really close friend (other than your lover) you are with in the norm. If you have two you are lucky...

But you don't need to hate people, just know that you can't trust them and go on...

Answer 9

simple. people suck in reality. media and popular entertainment shows us a level of integrity and character that do not reflect the real life of society. You are becoming disenchanted. Either lock yourself away or step out of your comfort zone. The adventure part of life is the leap from the comfortable and walk in the uncharted regions of human nature.

Answer 10

You truly need to see a person for all he or she is. If you truely like a person you like the person with all his or hers positive and less positive features.

You also need to project your integrity better so people understand "I can not use this person".

Put more trust and love in your self and others and you will be happier.

Good luck