house work left to the women?

Question

my partner wont help me around the house, i cook most of the meals and do the shopping and he wont lift a finger. we both work full time stressfull jobs but when im doing the washing and ironing hes lazing around watching telly. i can get him to do stuff if i ask several times but i feel like im constantly nagging him we get married later in the year and i dont want to turn into a housewife before my time.

Answer 1

This is definitely one of those issues that you want to tackle before you walk down the aisle. It is about the housework sure, but it is also about respect. You want him to respect your time, and help you out because he loves you and he wants you to be able to relax too.

You need to bring up the issue with him in a non-confrontational way when you are both in a calm state. Start by telling him how it makes you feel when he won't help you. Use "I statements" instead of "You statements." For example, instead of, "You never help me with the housework, and you make me feel so angry." Try something like, "I feel really taken for granted when you won't help me with the housework. I know that you want to relax. I do too. If you can help me on a regular basis , we can have more time to spend together."

In my opinion, no matter what, even with the best of men, I think that women still unfortunately bear the brunt of more of the household chores. Try to think of a system that you and your partner can realistically live with. For example, if one person cooks, the other person always cleans up and does the dishes. Try to do things together to in order to make it a "couples chore". Grocery shopping can be one of those chores. Pick a time, like Sunday afternoon, and make it a ritual time to go together.

Nagging is not good for you or for your relationship. Work this out now. The problem won't go away, and it won't get any better after you are married and perhaps have a couple of kids. This kind of issue can embitter and slowly eat away at a relationship or marriage. Practice your communication skills with your partner now. Good luck!

Answer 2

Some men still live in the 50's era when it comes to house hold chores.
You have better stop the habit now. It won't get better after you marry.
Explain to him that you work just as hard as he does. Point out the messes he makes and ask him to pitch in.
You can also designate certain chores to him. For instance;If you cook then he washes dishes. You dust and he runs vacume cleaner, ect...
If he can not uphold his end of the house work then go on strike. Give him a taste of his own medicine. Sit on the sofa, watch TV and let the house get dirty until he does help.

Answer 3

Man o man...You should never wash a mans underwear b 4 u r married!!!!
your screwed...some how once you start this kind of stuff...the forget how ...they can't quite iron,do their laundry.cook for them selves..and if they do make something ...chances are they won't make any for you... for every day you do these things...they lose a month(in remembering how)...and retraining...usually takes a divorce...
I didnt even mention when kids arrive..you think you got the load now!!!
I'm sure when you started this stuff you were feeling appriciated...a thank you for dinner, or a yum good steak...yada yada...and that was all it took...then they start blowing off the kudos...it's now EXPECTED...not APPRICIATED...
If men would get that a few kind words go along way with us gals...we would all get what we want....Get this resolved b4 the nuptuals....also...get it in writing...cuz 2 years from now he won't remember the conversation!!!
cuz girllllllll...I'm telling you
your mom didt put you here to NOT be happy!!!

Answer 4

You need to talk to him and let him know that you are both working full time jobs and that he needs to either help you out or pay for a maid. Since you both work it's only fair that you both share the housework - either that or get some help, like a maid, to come in and clean up/do shopping and the laundry.

Answer 5

Ok and you think any of this is going to change if you get married??

GET OUT NOW!!!!

If he's a lazy sod now, think of how much worse it's going to get when he's no help with the children on top of doing nothing about the house.

It's not too late.....kick his butt to the curb and find a REAL MAN that isn't afraid to pick up a dishcloth or a vaccum cleaner.

Answer 6

honey, sounds like you're already here. if he won't help now, he won't help after the wedding. if you plan to continue to work your full time job after the wedding, then you may want to seek counseling before you get married. i know this sounds like something crazy to be going to counseling over, but it's one of those things that can fester up into a huge unresolved issue and cause lots of problems. you can not change him. he has to want to change on his own. he has to understand how much this hurts you, and how much this is hurting you as a couple. if he doesn't take this issue seriously, i would question other, bigger issues before the wedding. better to know now than a year or two into "till death do us part" so you can work out the differences. learn to compromise. take time for yourself. good luck!

Answer 7

If he is this lazy before you get married, look out they only get worse when you say I do. Tell him you want to hire a maid since he does not help out and you both work full time.

Answer 8

young lady, u keep trying to get help from him, but never be harsh towards him, u be sure , 100% things will go in ur favour.
my answer seem to his side, but rest all thoughts are dangerous for life, u never take a risk.....he will worship u a day.....after few years u will get the prize.....stay responsible......wish u all the best

Answer 9

well this is what i would do i wouldnt marry him thst would be your first mistake and i wouldnt have any sex with him either but are you women enough to handle your man. he sound like a lazy bastard you need to kick him out of the house

Answer 10

Chances are, he was raised that way. You can't change him.
You deserve a better partner. :)