I feel so betrayed. How can i move on and forgive my husband?

Question

I consider myself to be a faithful christian wife. I believed my husband was a faithful christian husband. I found out he spent a lot of time watching xrated videos of women on the internet. He was obviously hiding it. I feel cheated on. My ex husband did this to me as well. I thought I was pretty good at satisfying him. How am I supposed to forget this?

Believe it or not, I AM sexy. We have a very interesting sex life. This is why I can't understand it.

Answer 1

First of all, this is not your fault. He is not doing this because you are not sattisfying him. He has an addiction. Studies show that pornography addiction for men is not a substitute for what they get with their wives. It is and ADDICTION, just like alcoholism or drug addiction.

Second, according to the bible we are all sinners and we have all commited adultery if we have ever even looked at another person with lust. What he is doing is NOT OK, he is cheating on you! But pornography is bad because it is destructive to relationships and he has to stop. If he is willing to give it up and go to christian marriage counseling, consider forgiving him.

Forgiveness is a big part of marriage and this is a huge thing to forgive, but if he is willing to give it up, it is a great opportunity for you both to get closer to the Lord. Pray for him, tell him you love him, but that this hurt you very much. If he is humble and remorseful and agrees to go to counseling with you, then you should support him and be there for him. Show him how happy you are that it is in the open so that you can help him give up his addiction. Ask him how you can help him not to digress back into it.

If you chose to forgive him, then do so fully and completely. Pray FOR him every day, and pray WITH him every day. Don't bring it up later if he has given it up. Don't let this drive a wedge in your marriage once he has put it behind him.

God bless you both.

Answer 2

Why does he hide it from you in the first place? Maybe because you as "a full christian wife" is being judgmental to him. Just because your husband indulge in such doesn't mean he's cheating on you or he doesn't love you anymore. MEN are MEN. They love porn, they love sports, live with it and move on. There's really nothing to be upset about. You can get mad for all you care if he's having an affair with these women, otherwise, just talk to him, tell him that things like these make you feel less attractive and then make up (or make out).

My husband and I watch porn movies together; we visited porn sites together (no swinging or whatsoever). It's just exciting to be naughty once in a while. Let some things spice up your life.

Answer 3

I may be alone on my answer , but i doubt it . As long as your husband was just looking , and not touching..... He technically hasn't done anything wrong . Men , need variety. So , if he needs to look at other women every once in a while---> there is nothing to be ashamed about with that !
I am a faithful wife , that caught my husband sleeping with another woman....Now , that is something that i got over by leaving him!
I know , that ideally our men could be satisfied with us alone thier whole lives through . But , you can't tell me when you see a really gorgous man on tv , or just walking by..... That you don't think anything , while you watch them walk by. We just tend to be a little more tame in that department. We tend to able to be satisfied by one man only--not all of us . But i would say that most of us , can be happily faithful to one man only our whole lives.
We don't need any other type of stimuli , other than the man that we love & what we get from them ! And , it is truely a beautiful thing to be able to feel that way. But , we were made better--> because we were made last!---> (GOD SAVED THE BEST FOR LAST) in otherwords !
Who knows , maybe GOD saw in what areas the men were weak ---> so , he made sure to make us strong in thoose areas !
Videos are made for several reasons. They are made for educational reasons . They are made to help out the lonely people . They are made for couples to watch together & try new things--> like the things that the people in the videos are doing---> to change it up a bit every once in a while. That is so that your bit doesn't get too old , and too boring ! And lastly , they are made for the man who tries very hard to remain faithful to his wife---> because she is the woman that he loves !!!!!
So , as long as he is just watching..... Know that he is trying to do right by you ! And give him the respect that he deserves , for really trying to do right by you !

Answer 4

Forget,,don't forget,hold it over his head the rest of your lives together so when you are in your grave he says "sorry for looking at that porn 25 years ago". Mean while those 25 years sucked and you can't get 1 day back.

When you put such a thing in perspective looking at back, it is not so bad. Until you found out about this was everything else OK. If so concentrate on the good in your relationship.
We are all sinners. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

Answer 5

You must first forgive him. Mat 6:14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: It is your duty as a christian to take these words to heart and forgive him and forget. You don't state whether your husband is religious, but if he is then I don't think he should be looking at porn. Maybe you should speak with your pastor. But, if he isn't a believer then you can only explain to him that you feel betrayed and then stop looking at him near the computer... turn the other cheek and walk away...lol. Best wishes

Answer 6

I would seek couples counseling (our pastor provides these services at our church). You might find out that this has nothing to do with you at all. Pornography can become just as addictive as chat room or chocolate. Your husband might not have meant to hurt you and the fact he was hiding shows that he felt he was doing something wrong. It defiantly has to stop for both of your sakes and as far as the forgetting part it will probably never happen. Until you can truly forgive him and believe that it will never happen again you will never have peace. You will have to get the trust back in your relationship and heal the hurt of unfaithfulness. Don't beat yourself up! Good luck!

Answer 7

First of all, do not assume that you are not satisfying him. Men are visual creatures and though some consider it cheating, men assume if they are not touching the woman it isn't cheating. Have you asked him why he decided to view this material? Let him know how it makes you feel, he needs to know and he probably doesn't realize it hurts you. Allow him to be honest even if the words sound insensitive, then you ask him to view it from your point of view and ask what he would do. If the role reversal does not bring about the reaction you want then try a different approach.

Answer 8

Realize this behavior has nothing to do with you or how well your husbands were "satisfied." DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF. They have some disturbing deep seeded issues and need professional help, a Christian counselor would be great for him and for you. If you are a Christian, then with the Lord's help, you can forgive. I know--been there, done that. I have a good single life now, and know there are a lot of hypocritical Christians out there. One has to be very careful, not get caught in that 'disease to please' trap, and trust the Lord to guide you. God bless you.

Answer 9

Most guys watch porn, although that doesn't make it right. Talk with your husband about why he does this, and tell him how you feel about it. He may still see himself as faithful, and not see it the way you do. Discuss ways between yourselves for him to stop what he's doing, if he's willing to do that for you. Also, since you said you're both Christian, it might not be a bad idea to talk with your priest or pastor about it. It would be best if you went in together, but it wouldn't be bad if you went in alone if your husband won't.

Answer 10

Why do you feel cheated? Men are visual ~ and they like porn. It's normal and it doesn't mean that you aren't satisfying him. You shouldn't take it personally. If it's not interering or replacing his interest in you, then what's the problem?

Maybe you should try watching one with him. It might spice things up a bit ~ and you might gain an understanding of what it is about porn that is appealing to him.