family problem w/ mother in law?

Question

im having some what of a problem with my future 1. she is well...a *****. but only behind my boyfriends back...4 exsample...2day, my boyfriend came home early from work becuz he wasnt feeling good at all...he came home took meds and went to bed, well his mom called, and left a message, i woke him up to listen to the message and it just said to call him, he hands me the phone and says text her and tell her im sick and ill call her when i wake up. so i did...i said hey its ally, i just wanted to let you know that he wil call you when he wakes up,he is fine just has a common cold ill let him know you called. she texted bak n asked if he was alright and i said yeah he is just fine.an hour later she shows up at our HOUSE.w/o calling.knocks.i thot it was his gma so i told her 2 come in, and she walks in doesnt say hi right walks right over 2 the bed n feels his head and goes wow you do have a fever...like i was lying. then walks thru my house and tells me that i need to clean...what do i do?

Answer 1

Wow...you have got to be kidding. You should talk with your boyfriend about it. See if he can give you some insight into how to handle her. On the one hand, you don't want to cause problems between him and his mother. On the other hand, that's just plain crazy and no one would want to put up with that. You could try letting her know that what she did bothered you, but I've found that people with the ba**s to do stuff like that do not appreciate honesty ~ they take it the wrong way and blow it out of proportion. One thing's for sure ~ you're going to end up going off on her one day if you don't nip it in the bud now.

Answer 2

First decide how much you really love this guy, because she is not going to change. Remember this is her little boy and you are the big bad girl who is taking him away from her. The next time she leaves a message...let HIM call her back, don't get in the middle of it. She should not have barged in and went right to the bedroom, but you told her to come in. Try and think a little faster when she says things like the house needs to be cleaned. Like "well...I was busy taking care of (your boyfriend) and haven't had time to clean" You are going to have to find a way to stand up to her but not make her mad at you. Try not to complain too much to your boyfriend....don't tell him to talk to her...it will just put more distance between you and her...she may be a pain....but she is his mother. Good luck.

Answer 3

Mummy's boy?

She's looking out for her son, and going a little over-the-top in the process. You can't say much about her coming over to check on her boy, but you could mention something in regards to the cleaning comment. Don't be rude about it. And, I don't think that you should bring the issue up in front of your boyfriend. It'll make him feel boxed in, and torn between 2 people that he most likely adores.

I think that when you get a chance, have a talk to her. Find out exactly where you stand, and let her know what's going on inside your head and heart. If, for some reason, she fails to play the adult, and acts in an inappropriate manner, walk away. Adults tend to give respect to the younger generation when young people prove a point. Behaving maturely, and most importantly respectively, usually does the job.

Answer 4

First she is not your MIL yet. But no matter who place it is. She should had knock before coming it. Lord forbid if you were naked or something. If you don't won't unwanted guest, keep the front door lock.
She has no right telling you what to do. You clean the way, you want the house to be fit. It's not her home, she has not right being bossy. Don't let her walk over you. Stand up on your own two feet. Let her know the place is your and his. Unless her name is on the lease, then she needs to keep her mouth shut.
Your boyfriend is big enuf to care for him self. He don't need mama anymore for it.
He needs to tell her, that she don't give out orders over there. She can go back home, the way she came from there. You not going to marry her and him. Even if she is his mom, she needs to back out of ya'lls business.
If she ever try to give ya advice. Unless you wanna hear it, then grin and bear it. Let it go from one ear and out the other. She starts pointing fingers and running her mouth. Well your human too, let her know you can do yours the same.
If your boyfriend don't like it, then he needs to take care of it his own self.
Just think hard before getting into his family. Just because if you marry him, and add his last name to your. Does not mean, his family can rule the roost.

Answer 5

If you don't want to start a war that will last forever and be a sore point between you and your future husband, just smile sweetly and thank her for her advice - then ignore her. She gets what she wants and you get what you want - end of story. She expects a fight from you and when you don't it pulls the rug out from under her plans. Some mothers can't cut the apron strings so they want to play a game with any potential wives that underneath is meant to say to the son, "it's me or her." When you let her have her say with a smile on your face, there's nothing she can do. Then you just do what you want to do anyway. If things ever get really bad, just tell yourself you will most likely outlive her and have the last laugh. Good luck!

Answer 6

Well obviously he cut the strings but she won't let go. Gag! I don't live near either family that way we can live our life with out others butting in. It's his call to make sure she doesn't step on your toes but it's also up to you not to put up with that, Don't let her make you feel like she is walking on glass. She will get the hint. She knows she's pushy and probably enjoy's it. I'm so glad I don't do that to my son and his gf. I figure if he's old enough to live on his own, he's old enough to make his own decisions with his gf. Don't be the door mat :) If it hurts her feelings, tell her you are marrying her son, not her! If you don't put your foot down, and are holding anger inside over her pushiness, it will never stop. If they talk about him behind his back, stop it right away and tell them that you prefer to talk about him when he's in the room so he can enjoy it as well. It will deter them into saying things that shouldn't be said! I wish you luck and hang in there girly.... you love him and will marry him, not the family :) As for letting him take care of the issues at hand? Some boy's , grown boys are afraid to stand their ground. Go figure!

Answer 7

Ah, sweety! It's a momma thing! That's her baby! Yeah, she needs to let go, but it's hard for her. Try not to be offended...difficult, yes, but some mom's don't accept that anyone but themselves can care for their young. Give it some time. Seriously. It may take several years, or more, but show her how much you love him and perhaps she will eventually see that you are just as good, if not better, than she is in these situations.

Answer 8

First when your boyfriend is feeling better. I would discuss this situation with him. See if your boyfriend will talk to his mother for you. If not ask your boyfriend if it is alright if you talk to her. Suggest some things that you may say to her to your boyfriend. Ask your boyfriend if what you want to say to her is alright with him. See if he will come with you when you talk to her. This way he will hear both sides of the conversation for himself. Have a way that you can prove to him what you said to his mother. As for the comment about cleaning your house. Tell her if she doesn't like it to do it herself or don't come over. My daughter in law made a comment about my dirty house. She didn't like my answer. That was also the last time that she said anything about my house being dirty. Good Luck Hon!

Answer 9

I think the reason she came over is out of genuine consern for her son, She was way out of line in telling you that you need to clean. You could have your fiance tell her to back off because he is in love with you. Just try to be polite to her for the sake of your relationship, you'll have to deal with her for a long time. Next time she tells you this just tell her that is exactly what you were intending to do and smile.

Answer 10

wow i can so relate to what you say my mother in law is such a ***** and we have been married for 7 years , i hate to tell you this but it probly wont change,, i could tell you some crazy stories about mine and my husband has tryed to talk to her but it dont help she is still a ***** and i will never be good enough for her son ,,,im sure thats how yours is she just thinks her son should have no one taking care of him but u.. mine tells me that all the time (you took my son away) CRAZY HUH