my wife left me in march. she has since moved in with her best friend and does pot quite regularly.?

Question

she isnt working and she is hanging with loosers. how do i show her that i want her back-the person she was before this mess. and also that the life she has now is pointless and she could loose me and the kids. i also need to mention that she is bi-polar 1 and doesnt always take her meds. do i let her go and move on with my life. or do i fight for our marriage??

Answer 1

why in the world would you want her back?
either you lack self respect and thus will settle for whatever you can get, and when you do she walk all over you as she KNOWS she can..
your best to dump her and let her be with new loser friends, there is nothing to gain from this in terms of salvage, when a person is bent on self destrcution, you cannot save her, it very arrogant to think you can. she can only save her self and only if she wants to , so why wait? it could take years, there is life and love out there if you want it.

Answer 2

You say that you want to help her and for her to go back to how she used to-that's very noble of you and I'm sure it's very hard to see the woman that you love who is also the mother of your children spiralling out of control, but ultimately your #1 priority is your children and protecting them. Whether they are very young or young teenagers, being around a parent who is not taking their medication and doing drugs is going to impact their life, no matter how much they may seem O.K. The first thing she needs to do is get onto her medication regularly ASAP, if she doesn't do this, there is nothing that you can do to help her and you have to just move forward with your children until she gets help.

It may sound cold to say just move on without her, but I've seen it when parents have mental disorders and don't take their medication. My godmother is a recovering alcoholic who also has severe depression and has horrible mood swings when she's not on her medication (which is often). She's been committed many times, but I can tell you that the way she was towards her 3 children throughout their lives has really ruined them. They are all dealing with depression and all on medication for different mental issues and anxieties; but really, they all hate and resent her for what they feel is ruining their lives (they range in age from 23-29 now). They never forgot anything from their childhoods, including her alcohol abuse when they were pretty much 3,4,5 years old-they still remember. If your children see your wife like this, around drugs and not stable on her medication they will remember it and it is not the impression that you want a child to have of their mother.

Whatever you decide, just remember that you are deciding what is best for your children, not you or your wife. Good luck.

Answer 3

I'm sorry my man. There is nothing worse than a mans wife leaving him. I can only imagine the misery she has caused you over the last 4 months since she left.

I think the hardest question in life for dudes is how they can get their wife back the way she was before she left. I know dudes get their wives back, but I cannot image that they are ever the way they were before they left, whether that is actual or just perception.

The horrible fact is that telling her that the life she has now is pointless, she is going to lose the kids, her friends are losers and so forth will only drive her away further, no matter how true it is. No one wants to be told that they are making a mistake and their friends are losers, right? I don't think shaming her in to coming back is ever going to work.

The second hardest question dudes probably ever have to face is whether or not to just give up and move on or to continue to fight for his wife and marriage. I know that answer is different for everyone. The only direction I can give is for you to determine how much pain you are willing to put yourself through, how long you are willing to wait it out and, most importantly, are you going to be able to 100% forgive her if and when she comes home. Ultimately, even if she does come home, you gotta decide if you can live with the hurt she has caused, what she has possibly done while she was gone and if you can trust her, 100%, that she won't do it again. Furthermore, you can't beat yourself or her up emotionally every time you all bicker about this situation. Most dudes can never let it go and it just makes their lives even more miserable for longer, and ultimately, the same result, divorce, comes from it.

Bi-polar is an awful thing to deal with. Her not taking her meds is completely unacceptable. It is so hard to understand that mental condition, because the person can be so normal, yet can be so crazy, hurtful, irresponsible and destructive.

They say that women marry men expecting them to change and men marry women expecting that they will not change. Maybe she has just changed, I don't know?

I will tell you that it is not at all uncommon for a wife to leave and seemingly become a completely different person. I have seen it happen to friends, family and coworkers. Honestly, I wasn't even shocked by your story. It's just so hard, because you love that girl you married more than anything and everything in the world. You will always love her, probably never completely get over her, you think of her as that wonderful girl you hooked up with, you maximize the good times, minimize the bad, blame yourself for her leaving and so forth.

Unfortunately, lots of the girls we guys marry become different people, especially as forms of psychosis set in, which usually happens in a girls mid-20's. We dumb guys still see them as the girl we fell in love with, but in reality, they aren't anyone close to that. Think about it, would the girl you fell in love with ever hurt you this bad?

Finally, whatever you do, don't even think about telling her she is going to lose her kids. That will only make her some kind of crazy and upset that you will never want to deal with. Honestly, threatening her by telling her that she is going to lose you is not going to do any good. No matter how crazy she is, she had to figure that might happen whenever she left. Keep the kids out of it. You can fight for them in court. I will tell you that men fighting for kids custody is typically a losing battle so keep up with whether or not your wife or the peeps she lives with get in to trouble with the law...it may help your cause.

Hopefully your wife isn't smoking dope around the kids. That is absolutely unacceptable. If so, talk to a lawyer and see what your options are to do something about it.

I wish I could answer your questions straight up, but honestly, no one giving objective advise should tell a person whether he should get divorced or not. You are the one who has to live with the consequences of the decision.

Stay Up Playa. I wish you the best.

sorry for the length.

Answer 4

you can only do so much she has to want to get the help she needs she is not a child and you cant hold her hand dont let her use the bi-polar as an excuse either yes she has it but at the same time she knows what she is doing your first concern are the kids make sure they are well and let them know mom loves them but is confused and when she gets her mind right she will be back what mom is doing is wrong but you have to let her hit rock bottom before she sees that she is wrong i wish you well

Answer 5

oh wow... this is serious. She has really fallen into a bad trap. Weed and bi-polar are a bad idea. Is she willing to talk to you? See if you can get her to go into counseling. It seems she has lost all self esteem adn thinks it's OK to let her life go to sh!t. See if she will go to counseling.

If not, you can try to threaten to her that her drug use will ensure that she will never have custody of her children and that you can legally have her ability to see them cut off. That's pretty drastic, but she is the only one who can help herself. and sometimes a shock is what it takes.

BY NO MEANS should you enable her new lifestyle by making it easy for her to continue drug use AND see her children. It's called tough love, and if she won't go to counseling, you need to try it.

Answer 6

If she can't take her meds, and act like an adult, your kids don't need her around anyway. Having a stoner for a mother isn't something they should be exposed to. Nor having their mother's loser friends around.
Attempt to get her into counselling. If she refuses, your best bet is to file for a divorce and get custody of those children. If she tries to fight you for them, have the courts force her to take a urinalysis, without warning.
Your kids welfare needs to come first. If she doesn't agree to that, she isn't a mother.

Answer 7

Fight for your marriage. Especially if she's bi-polar. She needs positve ppl around her. Possibly she's smokin pot to tdeal with hurt. Talk to her, and let her know you care. But let her know what she is doing may cause her to loose you.

Answer 8

I think that if you love her you should fight for the marriage. the first thing you need to do is to try and convince her to take her medicine regularly. I think that if she takes her medicine, she will be able to think more clearly and see that you love her. Also if your children are older, you can have them try and talk to her. Best of luck to you.

Answer 9

wow big decision if she doesn't want help its a lost cause...the important thing right now are your children...take care of them. take some time with this one not to much time if she doesn't want to get help i say move on...before the kids suffer.I believe in marriage but some times you have to save your self and the children...good luck... living with a out of control bipolar can be hell... some times worse...good luck...
(ADD ON) FOR ALL THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW YOU CAN'T HELP SOMEONE THAT DOESN'T WANT TO BE HELPED...AND IT IS EASY TO SAY TOO KEEP TRYING TO HELP HER OR GET HER BACK...BUT IF YOU ONLY KNEW WHAT IT IS LIKE TO HAVE TO LIVE THROUGH SUCH A THINK YOU'D SAY GO ON WITH YOUR LIFE.....
YES, I KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE.....

Answer 10

Why do you want her back? Seems like the perfect opportunity to do something with your life, and if you need to help, volunteer for for 30 min. a week.
You must get a life too!