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My cousin and his wife lost a baby to early labor (5 months) last year. Now, she is pregnant again and very worried. I never really addressed the issue. After all, what do you say to someone whose child died? It is especially hard, as right after she prematurely delivered, I found out I was pregnant with unplanned #3. I felt so guilty I avoided any family fuctions she might have attended for months, but I don't want to do that anymore.

Has anyone been through this? What is the best way to approach comforting her? Is there even a way to approach it?

2006-07-07 15:46:05 · 9 answers · asked by Altari 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting Pregnancy

9 answers

The only thing you can really say to someone when they lose a baby is "I'm so sorry for your loss." There really isn't much you can say now to reassure her either. She is going to worry at least until she passes the point where she lost her previous baby...and then, may still worry until she goes full term.

The best thing you can do is be willing to listen if she wants to discuss her fears. You don't need to say anything...just be there for her. Right now, what she needs most, is someone to listen to her fears and to maybe hold her hand to provide emotional support. You would be amazed at how much it helps just to have someone listen while you voice your fears.

2006-07-07 15:54:43 · answer #1 · answered by ilse72 7 · 5 0

Loosing a child is not easy and chances are there will be grieving for a long time. I lost my child 12 years ago and I still grieve.
Be supportive constantly. Don't avoid the family functions move on with life and don't treat her or cousin any differently than you would if this hadn't happened. However, if the subject is brought up explain that you honestly didn't know what to say or do...be honest is the key.
I do hope all goes well and I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. If more information is needed on grieving let me know and I'll send you information I have through the pregnancy center I volunteer at that works with women with unplanned pregnancies or pregnancy loss.

2006-07-07 15:53:04 · answer #2 · answered by okiemom67 3 · 0 0

You should simply be happy for her and enjoy her pregnancy with her.... Show her how happy you are that she is pregnant and talk to her about positive things only... Give her support, there is no point in dwelling on the past as things already happened and there is nothing that nobody can do to change it.... If for any reason the topic comes up that she is scared because of what happened, simply tell her the truth, we will never know why things happen and there is no point on trying to figure it out as that is a question with no answer, be happy that you have a baby inside of you and you do not need to start getting stress because you then will not have a healthy pregnancy.... Try to simply focus on this pregnancy and not the one that she had... good luck...

2006-07-07 16:59:54 · answer #3 · answered by Snowwhite 3 · 0 0

my best friend was in a similar situation, not quite as severe, but similar nonetheless. i found that there really is no way to comfort someone in this type of situation. i used to tell her that the chances of her losing her baby for the second time were very rare, which helped but she was still worried until she was far enough along. i also told her that if this child was meant to be born then it would happen. just realize that pretty much anything you say won't comfort her 100%. just be there for her, that's really all you can do. good luck!

2006-07-07 15:53:59 · answer #4 · answered by cindos_69 5 · 0 0

Acknowledge the loss. Say, "You know, I never got a chance to tell you how awful I felt for you when you lost your baby. I wanted you to know that I think about you all the time and I am sure this has been a horrible time for you." "Honestly, I didn't want my pregnancy to make it harder for you and I wasn't sure what to say, so unfortunately I didn't say anything. I do want you to know though that I feel awful for your loss."

Losing a baby is HARD!!! YOu don't get over it, you just learn to live with it. She won't think of it every day for the rest of her life, but for a while she will.

2006-07-08 02:40:44 · answer #5 · answered by beenthere 2 · 0 0

That is very thoughtful of you to have been so concerned for your cousin's wife to see you pregnant right after her loss.
I almost would say not to approach the subject. Congratulate her on her recent pregnancy and be a good friend to her. If she mentions something about her loss, then extend your condolences.

2006-07-07 15:55:15 · answer #6 · answered by jerkygirl 3 · 0 0

I think you shouldn't feel guilty for being pregnant around her. You should go to family functions if you want, if she has a problem with it, she won't go. As for comforting her, i'd just be up front with her & let her know that you are there for her if she needs anything. I think not saying anything to her would be worse than bringing it up.

2006-07-07 15:51:06 · answer #7 · answered by jamieinreno 3 · 0 0

It's not your fault, you shouldn't have to avoid family or apologize for your baby...you are blessed and she would want to share in your joy (even tho it is hard for her). I would just say to her, good luck with this pregnancy, tell her you'll pray for her...that's all you can do. And be there is she wants to talk about anything. She can always adopt.
Good Luck!

2006-07-07 15:51:30 · answer #8 · answered by az 5 · 0 0

Here is what NOT to say:

"God must have wanted the child back."

"You're young enough to have another."

"Having another go of it?"

Here is the best thing to say:

"I am so happy for you. If you need anything, let me know so I may help."

2006-07-07 15:50:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

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