We have been together for 2 years, I moved out of state to join her, she is three years older than I and more conservative.
We have the same fights about helping around the house and chores and using time wisely. She constantly has a nissue with me and not being assertive and helping out around the house. I have tried and done some chores and errands but still she only focuses on things that havn't been done not ojn what I have done.
I don't know if it's me or that she is just stressed out with her own issues. I try to confront and ask if she is ok or what is bothering her, she makes it seem as though nothing is wrong but I can tell that there is. Another thing is that it seems easy for her to give up, she will simply say : " Fine your right and everythong is perfect" When I know I'll be paying for it later. I try and try to find out whats wrong, and eventually she gets so frustrated that I am constantly asking and prodding , she tells me and here comes the same old arguments. help?
2006-07-07 15:10:49 · 18 answers · asked by shakes_715@sbcglobal.net 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
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2006-07-07 15:13:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having the same argument over and over is not healthy and it truly is pointless. Being a female I know what it is like to be frustrated about the lack of assistance around the house. However I applaud you in your attempt to try to accomodate your mate by trying to do some chores and errands. The best advice that I can give you is sit and talk with her and then make an actual chore and errand list that is to be posted up to follow so that cuts down on the uneven balance of duties in the household. For example alternate chores - you do specific duties one week while she is busy doing others and then you guys switch. STICK TO THE SCHEDULE and it will increase your confidence level in knowing that you are putting forth an effort to help and there are not guilt trips to be thrown your way. I've learned just from my own relationship that usually when I am up in a tissy about household chores not being done there is an underlying problem that has nothing to do with the household chores. You might want to do the schedule thing and then dig deeper underneath the surface and find out what the real problem is. Hope this helps!
2006-07-07 22:36:13 · answer #2 · answered by 2deep4u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That to me sounds like you both are very stressed and need some time out, or time alone. Like you go out with the "boys" one night and the next she can get out with the "girls". Or you two might try to go have a nice evening out with dinner, a movie, and a nice walk in the park. And one thing is you have to promise not to talk about work, stress, or anything that would cause an argument. That is what me and my BF do. We just take a breather every once in a while and its really good for us!
2006-07-07 22:16:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is waht me and my boyfriend do. we picked one night a week(friday) and we sit and talk to eachother on the thing that happened during the week(work or what ever bothered us at work) then we talk bout us and where we are at with eachother. then we talk about things that need to get done in the next week. but the key to the whole thing is we tape record the conversation so we dont forget what eachother said. but we also dont say i told you so if the other one cant remember or remebers it a different way. If you cant get over the disputes then maybe try counceling. if this does not work then maybe you need to part as friends.
good luck
i ahve been there and i had to get out even after 4 yrs.
2006-07-07 22:26:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are rambling! The relationship is not working so the best thing to do is realize this and move on. Don't worry about her issues.....you have plenty of your own to worry about. You lack self-esteem and are trying to change someone else. You are both acting immature and you must make a decision if this is how you want the rest of your life to be 'cause it is as good as it gets.
2006-07-07 22:24:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound healthy. I went through the same thing for nine years; my other half was also three years older and I had the same issues you describe. I finally had to cut her lose. It was hard at first; but it was the best thing I ever did in the long run.
2006-07-07 22:17:26 · answer #6 · answered by robertc13 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The point is that it's an equal relationship. You need to contribute as well. Do the things that you're supposed to do WITHOUT HER HAVING TO TELL YOU and that'll stop the arguments. About that anyways. She doesn't want a child, she wants a partner. It pisses her off when she has to tell you the SAME **** over and over and over again. Good luck:)
2006-07-07 22:19:17 · answer #7 · answered by heidielizabeth69 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, you kinda sound like that movie The Break up....there must be something wrong but maybe if you leave her for a little while she'll eventually tell you...maybe you guys need to be apart so she can deal with her own issues and when shes ready maybe get back or not.
good luck
2006-07-07 22:16:36 · answer #8 · answered by xbyebye_beautifulx 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife and I are going through almost the exact same thing . . . going on 6 years of marriage. Arguments are healthy. They are a part of communication. Marriage is work. You and your wife will have to work at compromising. Maybe you can initiate more housework without her prompting you. Maybe she can work on not being so controlling and expecting more of you than she is.
2006-07-07 23:35:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is obviously not 'healthy' to have the same argument repeatedly. Agree to resolve it mutually to your satisfaction. Your detail suggests you guys have a ton of side issues. Have you thought of counseling?
2006-07-07 22:27:13 · answer #10 · answered by homerunhitter 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I have been having that arguement for 7 years. It will NEVER change. It's up to you if you can handle the fighting, or move on.
2006-07-08 22:05:23 · answer #11 · answered by MOMof2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋