What do you do if you have completely lost trust in someone who wants a 2nd chance, and u wanna give them one?

Question

I have completely lost faith in my spouse due to infidelities, but he wants me to give him another chance. I want to , but I don't know if I will ever be able to trust him again.What do I do? I still feel like he is cheating. I don't know if it is because I lost trust, or if it is because he is actually doing wrong.

Answer 1

That is such a toughie!! If you really love him that much, you will give him another chance, but keep in mind sister, you gotta love yourself too! Maybe try out couples counseling, it is so hard to trust again after being hurt like that.

Answer 2

I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through this! I'll give you my best advice I can. Although just remember in this kind of situation, you must go with what your heart is saying.

If you and your spouse were going through a hard time, and he or she made a huge mistake. Then you feel like they truly realized what they have done. In every way possible have changed there ways. Then you should consider counseling, and give it a chance. I truly believe sometimes it takes something really big to wake a relationship. I believe that person can change forever. But you should feel it, if this is the case.

I don't believe in second chances... If that one awful mistake did not change the relationship. Then it's probably not worth giving it another chance, because I guarantee your heart will get broken again.

I believe you teach people how to treat you, by what you let them get away with! Good luck hun :)

Answer 3

I'm not married; I'm 15, but, in a way, I know how you feel. This is one of those "gotta trust your gut" questions. Your heart is telling you 1 thing, and your head is telling you another. You have to figure out which is which, and go with your heart. If there is ANY doubt in your heart that he's still cheating, I would have to say, personally, "No, honey. You had your chance, and you lost my trust."

I hope I helped. This just really isn't a question anyone else can answer for you; you have to answer it on your own. Best of luck.

Answer 4

thats a good one here I was married for 16 yrs. untill I lost the children to her mom and sister to probate and living with to many animals. I had a women that had did infildelities on me but you have to know is what are you doing for him to find another women? are you giving him alot of what he needs or is it your relationship that you have with him so many years is going down to the rocks there has to be things you are both not doing together to make things that are not working with each other u need to talk to each other and focus on what went wrong if u can try to do it.
if not as much as it hurts to find better grass and learn from ur mistakes cause I had trusted this girl that I grew up with in my home town you will always love this person no matter who your with knowing u might love person ur with now. I am leraning from my own mistakes. sometimes it is not easy to live with some one else who has a child that is from another common law marriage as I say it...once you brake a pattern in a marriage it is already broken and it does not make change.

Answer 5

I think you should look at your life? And I mean take a good long look at your life. See where you want to be? And see where you are at. Can you get there with this person you are with? Is he willing to go the mile? Why does he cheat? Can he overcome that? For some people cheating is an addiction and they need to seek help.
One problem you will always have is the trust thing. It will always come up and you will always have to deal with the mistrust.
Good luck!

Answer 6

Do you want to put yourself up for hurt again? When they cheat once they will again. And then you are back to square one....Ask yourself this...if I don't trust him now what makes me think I will trust him automatically tomorrow....Just because he talks his sweet words or because he swears he'll never do it again....Sorry to burst your bubble but the fairy tale has ended and there is something missing that wasn't there or won't be there again...Your spouse is sick....infidelity is the leading cause of divorces because they don't think they will get caught....Stick to your guns sister don't let him get you down again...he doesn't deserve a second chance....Leave to wander in misery without you now. You'll be better off without him

Answer 7

If you give him another chance, he will do it again. A lot of times men cheat because they want out of the marriage. And for them to cheat the marriage was probably not in the best state anyways. Let it go and find someone you won't have to be constantly 'worried' about.

Answer 8

it is possible to gain your trust in him and continue your marriage, however, its going to take work from both of you!

if he really wants to regain your trust, he needs to be open and honest about everything he does! phone conversations, his whereabouts, who he is with at all times, etc... he should make it so you dont have to ask whats going on...he is really going to have to start volunteering information to make you feel as comfortable as possible.

while he is doing this, you have to still be looking out for warning signs or red flags..but also, you cannot bring up the past or continue to throw it in his face everytime you suspect something may not be right. dont jump to conclusions or make assuptions, ask questions, be direct. if things sound fishy, you need to confront him about it and eventually make a decision on whether or not to stick around.

also, the biggest thing you need to do is accept everything that has happened and forgive him for what he has done. if you have not forgiven him, or wont forgive him, nothing will work because your heart is still hardened and the relationship wont have an opportunity to grow again...

Answer 9

I’m going to propose something kind of an outlandish. You don’t trust him because he lies about sleeping with other women. He lies because he wants to be with you and he also wants to sleep with other women. You could be with him & trust him if you’d be willing to change one thing. Accept him exactly the way he is. A man who wants to be with you and at the same time sleep with other women. Let go of the fidelity requirement in your relationship. You can set up as many rules around it as you want… “No sleeping with my relatives/family/co-workers, must be home on weekends, holidays, children’s school events, etc”. Just keep in mind that the more rules you set up the more reasons for future deception.
VW

Answer 10

Unfortunately, love and trust are 2 different things. Love is unconditional but trust is earned. However, you can never begin to trust him again if you don't allow him the opportunity to try to gain your trust. Pray and ask God for guidance on what to do in this situation because once trust is broken it's almost virtually impossible to gain it back. Hope this helps.