Are you uncomfortable with your spouce making finacial descisions while you are unaware?..?

Question

Even if the descisions made are for the good of your household..

Would you rather be involved, or trust that everything is under control because you trust your spouces descisions?

So far .. so ..so .. so good, but knowledge is power and opinion.. so why be obsolete when it comes to affecting your life?

Trust is a BIG thing.. are you comfortable in your trust?
I am mostly, but when descisions are made without me, I do get that odd feeling of either "being taken care of".. or .."not being involved"..that tends to nag at me.. is this the norm amoungst all out there?

Answer 1

Well,I had to ask my husband's opinion on this one,since I'm the one that handles the finances. He is comfortable with me me making financial decisions for our family and just taking care of things. It isn't that I don't involve him at all,but I know more about making the right choices for our investments,etc than he does. I tend to take charge and just get things done. He doesn't care to be bothered with it as long as the bills are paid and he can ask me anything he wants to know. We are honest about financial decisions,there is no hiding of anything. Sometimes I've made big financial decisions without his input,but he knows that it is in our best interest. I have bought our last two vehicles because if I had sent him by himself,we would have paid the sticker price because he doesn't like to play the dickering game! I sold our last house on my own and bought our new house and saved us thousands of dollars by not going through a real estate broker. I've consolidated loans or refinanced to get a better rate because it saves us money in the long run. All of these decisions and more are my financial responsibility to our family. I protect our assets. Not that he doesn't care,I'm just better at it than he is. He trusts the decisions I make and doesn't usually question it. As I said,there is nothing to hide and he can ask me at any time what he's signing this or that paper for.
I would be uncomfortable if he took over the finances tomorrow! Just because I have become so accustomed to doing it myself for so many years. I think I'd be nervous for fear that he might not make the right decision. Crazy,huh? Well,all I can say in addition to all of this,is that we did discuss the selling and buying of the vehicles,the house and other things..but the final financial bargaining and all associated decisions were mine. He actually said to me at the time that he trusted my judgment and that I knew what I was doing. Even when I almost said forget it with the house purchase because the people we bought from were being jerks. I told them that there were more houses on the market I could buy..I didn't need to buy theirs! I actually started looking at other homes even though this was almost a done deal. I don't let anyone take advantage of me when it comes to finances. I need to know what is going on and I like to be in control of that.
There are some times that my husband has said that he feels like you. The 'being taken care of' VS 'not being involved'. But then we just talk about it and all is fine again. He just needs reassurance that everything is going smoothly and likes an update once in a while. I guess you could say we do some compromising. But the trust is always present.

Answer 2

My husband and I make ALL decisions esp. financial ones together. I however handle all the finances. I would want to know what was going on if it was the other way around just as I'm more than certain he would want to know the same. I wouldn't want any surprises!! It's just called making your spouse feel important within the marriage. Not to mention what is going to happen at your passing. Who is going to take over then? I do trust my spouses decisions however, I feel things should be discussed so I don't get the feeling of being left out in the cold. You need to speak to you spouse and express your concerns about this situation. Communication and trust is essential. Tell him that you feel like you should know more about what is going on in the finance of your marriage. You should be involved. Best of luck!

Answer 3

Marriage or a long-term relationship means 2 people as a couple, not just individuals. That includes all of the major decisions. If there is no communication, especially in the matter of finances, this relationship will really suffer, if not fall apart completely. YOU should be the one to decide if you want to be involved and communicate that very clearly to your partner/spouse to see where he stands. Otherwise you'll only have yourself to blame if you allow this to happen.

Answer 4

You are correct.......Trust is huge. In my opinion, it is okay as long both of you are comfortable with that.

My biggest concern would be this........
What if something were to happen to your spouse? Would you have any clue what to do and what was due? Where to look and find your retirement pension, stocks bonds etc...? To a certain degree, I think it is wise to have the knowledge at least. If you do not want to have to make the decision, just make sure you know what is going on.
HTH

Answer 5

I feel comfortable with my fiance making smaller decisions when it comes to money, especially if it has to do with his 3 teen daughters. But when it comes to bigger decisions, I want to discuss it.

My fiance had called me at work once to ask me if he could buy something for $75 from eBay. I told him that we couldn't afford it. So, I know that he will always 'consult' me when something big needs/wants to be bought. If he didn't consult me or discuss it with me, then I would be very nervous and upset, espeically since I had been with someone for 20 years that refused to discuss purchases with me, then would go out and buy things no matter if we had the money for it, to pay bills, etc. My fiance knows how I feel about this, about what I went thru, etc, so he tends to discuss finances with me, even though he is the one supporting me now as I don't have a job.

Answer 6

I have a problem sometimes, depending on what he spends our money on... one day I came home from work and he said "guess what I bought today" and I was like "What did you buy?" He went out and bought a bass guitar and a set of Kongo's for both it cost like 600.00 dollars and he said he got the Kongo's for me. UM excuse me, I don't play the Kongo's or any instrument for that matter, he thought that since he tried to include something for me that it was okay... I was a little pissed at first but He loved his guitar so much and it is pretty I gave up on being mad, plus I feel that since we both work hard and have most of the things we need its okay to spend on the things we want every once in a while.

Answer 7

In a marriage the only thing that should be decided alone is giving your spouse a surprise birthday party. It's more than a matter of trust, you are both equal partners so everything else should be discussed.

Answer 8

Trust...but verify. One should never put themselves in a position where they have to rely totally on someone else.

What if things are not being taken care of? At the very least you should be able to see how things stand at any given moment.

Answer 9

I don't have a spouse, but I am uncomfortable with the idea. What if she budgets for the house, me and her, just so she can
buy some things she wants, but shouldn't have or even couldn't afford to buy, if I make the financial decsions?

Answer 10

I trust my hubby, but I would have to be involved with the money. It would drive me nuts not to know. I thank God he doesn't care if I take care of the money. He prefers it that way.