Why is it that being married makes one feel like we are in a prison? I want to love like I did when I was 20.?

Question

I've only been married for 5 years. Have one glorious son, and I'm 34 years old.

When I said I want to love like when I was 20, I meant my wife. Not anyone else. I want to feel what I felt before for her.

So how do I grow with the person I married as we change. Can we continue to like eachother as we change in life. We all change as we grow. Shouldn't change be good? and connect us more.

I agree with you. I think dating keep the fire burning. But it's so hard to make time, when we have a little one. He's 2 1/2. And my wife seems to love him more than me. Well I actually also act like that sometimes.

Well, I appreciate the straight talk, about being in control. I have to ask. I you married. By the way I have read the power of intention. Great book! Generally I do love my wife, and compare to others we have a fantastic relationship. I was asking about the feeling of crazy passion that I used to feel when I was young. I do all kinds of things to impress my wife. I hope she's happy. I'm only asking if I'll ever recover the feeling that I had when we had sex in the car. Hope that's not too graphic.

Wow, this is my first time asking a question. I'm impressed. I never thought so many people would be involved. Thanks for all of the responses. I will go and buy her flowers for no reason. I used to do that. I don't know why I stopped. Even though I think she would prefer an iPod. She's been asking for months now.

Familiarity breeds contempt.
Wow, I like that. That's probably what I'm feeling.
One thing here is that I look around, and it's so hard to see couples that are happy. married couples that relate to us. I guess maybe I'm feeling a little depressed because I can't just tell her "Let's go to the beach at 3 in the morning like we used to" we don't have friends who we would trust our Caleb with. Man! maybe I do need to see a counselor. I miss my wife as a buddy. We were so ourdoors, and now well sounds like most of you know....

marabierto, lol. you crack me up.
I'll divorce her before I cheat on her.
I saw my dad do that to mom, and I could not do that. So thanks for the advise.

Answer 1

Familiarity breeds contempt. There's no secrets anymore. The things that used to turn you on about her: a breast brushing up against your arm, her smell, her gaze, etc...just don't do it anymore. Your in a dangerous time in your relationship. BUT, it is not a mountain you cannot overcome! Do you both still act like you are 20? Are there times where you can't keep your hands of each other? If not, why? Is she overly inhibited? Are you? Are you both willing to try new things, in bed or in general period? Do you go out alone anymore? Do you both try to seduce each other anymore? It might be a series of "little" things that can totally rescue this relationship. I suggest both of you picking up some reading material by Graham Masterton. His books have totally changed my wife's outlook on sex and love. Our marriage is now more exciting than it was when we first met! Find the books, both of you read them together, take the quizes and don't be afraid to go for it! If you both love each other and feel willing to fight for each other...this should be an easy assignment to complete. Hope it works out well for you.

Answer 2

Seems like you are too comfortable in your marriage, and maybe taking your wife a little bit for granted. Have you tried doing romantic things for your wife? bringing her flowers for no reason, or doing something sweet for her might help bring a sparkle back into her eyes, jump starting the characteristics that made you fall in love with her in the first place. Try asking her things, to find out what makes her tick. Find out her goals etc. Showing more interest in who she is will make her feel loved, and make her think about you. Then she will probably do things back for you, like being romantic etc. Sounds like also that you might be afraid you two are getting boring.. bring some change into your schedules, do something different together, like play a sport just for fun, not by the rules or to keep score. I am not married, but i know if you don't make time to do things together, and keep some spice in your life, then things get comfortable, or to put it frankly, boring. Be creative, that's sure to bring back the spark!

Answer 3

Maybe you should see a marriage counsellor-when did your problems develop? After your son was born? It's very common for men to feel 'jealous' of the affection a mother has for their child since they have a special bond (through pregnancy, breast feeding, etc.) that a father just cannot have for biological reasons. You say that she seems to love him more than you, maybe that's what you're feeling, like she pays more attention to him and is closer to him. First, you should talk to her about feeling like that, maybe the 2 of you can work through it. Maybe if those 'jealousy' issues have been around you for a few years you unconsciously resent her for it and thus feel angry and like you're in a prison. But ultimately, if talking to her doesn't find resolution, you should really try marriage counselling together to see if you can get to the root of the issues, because no-one on here is going to be able to offer you a real meaningful solution, it's something the 2 of you need to work through together.

Answer 4

You are in charge of YOUR life and YOUR relationships. Stop wallowing in self-pity for what you don't have, and start being grateful for what you do. Contrary to popular belief, it is possible to control your own destiny and to bring positivity to yourself and your marriage. I suggest therapy or couples counseling...even people who aren't on the brink of divorce can really benefit from this type of guidance. I also highly recommend the book "The Power of Intention" by Dr. Wayne Dyer. Also, if you look in the self-help section of any book store there are TONS of useful books on relationships, putting the spark back in your marriage, etc. etc. Good Luck!

Answer 5

I wish I knew, before I was married, we were having sex all the time, few times a day... now its like few times a month. I'm tired, he's tired, we have a 12 yr old who always seems to be around. the excitement just isn't there any more. if you get an answer to it all. I''d love to know

Answer 6

My husband and I have been married 20 years, we are best friends, but I think the key to our marriage has been we still date. Every week to two weeks we go on a trip or to dinner and a movie. It really does work.

Answer 7

been there done that. too late dude. only way to get that lovin' feelin' back now is by cheating on your wife with a younger woman. of course, you risk falling in love with her and breaking up your marriage, etc.

Answer 8

Yeah, but you guys need to share your interests with the other. Spend time with just you two. Good luck:)

Answer 9

People change.The person you marry isn't the same person that you divorce.

Answer 10

How long have you been married and how old are you