Any moms out there that have lost custody of their children...?

Question

Unfortunately I married one of those men that are still about the mentality of 20. He thinks if he works his 40 hrs./wk. the rest of the time is his. He smokes, drinks, likes to hang with others that are the same. The first year he was pretty good, sweet, so that is why I did marry him, I saw the good in there - that was 9 yrs. ago. It hasn't come back. A couple of years ago I started trying to talk to him, asked him to leave, at least for a while to see what we would miss about eachother. I felt that I didn't love him anymore. During this we were blessed with two healthy beautiful children. We live in a house that has been in MY family and is now mine and was some time before I met him. He has a temper. I even have a domestic violence advocate. He refused to leave and obviously I cannot leave since this is MY house. Finally he agreed to leave, but only if he took the children. I agreed, to get him out and not cause a scene. His family has $ and I now can't get them back.

Answer 1

ok, Document everything that happens. Get a pad of paper and write down everything. Go to Best Buy and get a recording device and record every phone call you have with him. that way you wont forget anything said on the phone and you will have a copy of it to use against him later in court. if he denys you your visits try getting that on tape. my ex tried to adopt my kids without my knowledge or permission and i got him on tape asking me if my boyfriend and i would get married so he could adopt them. the judge said he only needed to hear it if my ex denied it as his voice. well, you cant deny your own voice lol.
so, document and get a voice recorder and get a camera that puts the date on the picture. if your kids ever come home with bruises take a picture of it. if you are ever denied a birthday visit, take a picture of the presents on the door step. any time you get denied document it in some way!

good luck.

Answer 2

similar situation....I know that your heart is broken...hang in there and be strong. Thinking smart is very important, I have recently lost custody of my 7 year old daughter > very long story, but in my case >>>> it was legit, I definitely hit bottem after my divorce. I cant comment on the domestic violence from a personal standpoint, but of course that behavior is a pattern and can be very dangerous. If there is any way you could see an attorney, thats your best bet. It was probably a mistake to agree to let the children go with him...but its not undoable...it's just going to make things a little harder. Think about your children, their safety and well being. Last but not least, I wish you the best, I know how tough it is, promise.

Answer 3

The Probate Court (Divorce Court) determines custody of children - NOT the father or mother. If you are separated and filing for divorce you need to demonstrate that you are the better parent and he has the right to do the same. Most courts favor mothers anyway. A judge decides who the children are with, child support etc. NOT him - go see a lawyer and stop messing around. If a court has not decided custody - it is like kidnapping.

Answer 4

Unless his name is on the deed to that house he is the one who has to leave you call pd and have him removed. Since that is too late get a lawyer there are ones that will take payments. If you want your kids back you fight dirty (but DO NOT use the kids to fight dirty if you can leave themout of fights and courts etc...) But don't give up. If he has a temper and drinks show that on video. Go follow him around (unkown) and tape everything you can. Better to get someone else to do this part.

Answer 5

I know that you said the house has been in your family for years..but honey, there ain't no house big enough or that will ever mean more to me then my kids...I would have never agreed to that in the first place....you stated he has a temper and you let him have your kids?

Answer 6

You'll have to sue him in court to regain custody, but if there is no good reason to take the children away from him, why uproot them? Unless you can prove him to be unfit, you aren't likely to get them back.

Answer 7

Yep...been there done that! I'm reposting my answer to another question, but the info still applies.

I went through a bad divorce about three years ago and was severely depressed. My kids were 8, 6, and 5. I was so depressed that I had a hard time getting them to school on time, etc. Finally my family took them. I was kid free for about 18 months though. My mom ended up getting money for them and THEN didn't want to give them back when I was ok, after about three months. I had to go through some stupid battles for 15months because she lied and did some other CRAZY stuff. I'd say, first of all, I know you're missing them, but at least you KNOW you're going to get your kids back sooner than later. My kids cried (justifiably) all of the time and it broke my heart. Thank God that yours are NOT being abused. My kids have been home for almost 18 months and they still talk about what they experienced. They told me the other night that my mom would start bad mouthing me (cussing about me and calling me a whore) and they would use the code word "ok...I gotta go to the bathroom." and file out of the room one by one. I said this to say that the situation is not a bad thing even though you miss them. Get involved in having people support YOU. That really helped me. I developed deeper relationships with people who really supported me in getting better and seeing about MY needs. Those very people are still a souce of support for me and my kids as a family unit.

Don't be so hard on yourself for giving up custody, because you thought you were doing the right thing. One of the hardest things for me to do was forgive myself for putting my kids in that situation. My mother had abused me when I was a child. After a few incidents after I became an adult I seperated myself from her. I had no one else who would take my kids when I couldn't care for them and she seemed like she had "changed" so I let them go to her. My God....looking back it was probably the stupidest thing I have ever done, but after the kids came home, I believe we all have a brand new appreciation for family love. The VERY VERY positive thing that came out of it, was that they got to know their grandmother. Before, they would ask to see her and get upset if I told them no. After they lived with her, I had to keep her away from them...(she'd go up to the school without my permission and visit them in class, kiss them, and tell them she loved them....this was VERY disturbing to them)....I had a meeting with her in a mutual place and told her that THEY didn't want to see her and asked her to respect their wishes. The kids are absolutely great!! You'll be suprised how resilient they are. Just keep fighting for them...that's the important thing. They need to see that YOU ARE NOT GIVING UP. My kids tell me that this helped them. My daughter got so depressed she wanted to kill herself, but everytime she heard from my mom that I was "causing problems" she knew it was because I was fighting for them. I'll definitely pray for your situation and God Bless you.

Answer 8

that is a good aspect to leave her domicile -it sounds mentally risky. pull your self up, remember on acquaintances & the best kin that can help you, go back to college & finished your degree, and lean on the baby's father -a united the front as moms and dads is a fantastic thanks to strengthen a baby.

Answer 9

I feel sorry for you but you could go to court for your kids