How do I overcome shyness?

Question

I'm always really shy when I meet new people, I don't know why, and it's really annoying, and it holds me back. I always think people will find me boring because I don't talk a lot. Don't tell me to try and talk more, because it doesn't help. But help me anyway!

Answer 1

Shyness isn't necessarily a bad thing. It makes up your personality. Don't worry about it.

Answer 2

I'll tell you a little thing that helped me to overcome it and now i can be in front of a whole audience and it's ok. I started with drama classes four years ago and it made me become less shy... i remember my first time on stage my knees were shaking and i was so nervous yet i did it ok. Ever after it was easier, and i started loving the stage, in a few months I'm acting in one of the biggest theatre halls of my area and I'll be in front of hundreds of people, more than the last time i was onto the stage (probably just a hundred people were there) and now it actually excites me. I can't stop, i love the public and the magic feeling over there. I know not everyone has that love for acting especially on a stage but if you can enter to a theatre group, a little one just to get you more relaxed with other people, that will make a great change and get you much more confident!

Answer 3

Actually, being shy isn't that bad of a thing. YOu tend to be able to get to know people better, and when you are listening instead of talking, you will always learn more. My suggestion in not to talk more at all, but listen. When it comes time for you to say something it will more than likely be more thought out and intelligent.....something a lot of people do not take the time to do. If it's meeting new people you're after, join some groups or activities you have interest in. You'll be more yourself if you're comfortable doing something you enjoy......and, sooner or later, you'll open up to those people more and shyness won't be an issue.

Answer 4

Well I know EXACTLY what you mean. I used to be really REALLY shy !!! The key is to "fake it til you make it." If you're w/ a group of peeps who don't have the slightest CLUE that you're shy, there's your chance to say something. It doesn't have to be a lot. The more often you speak up when you don't really know the peeps, the easier it gets. I know cuz I was taking this course to help me to get a job & I was thinking, "No one knows that I'm shy... I may as well just pretend that I'm not!" So I did. I blurted out answers whenever I knew (or thought I knew :P) the answer. I didn't even bother w/ raising my hand. That's the way I used to aaaaaaaalwayz do it in skewl. I was 21 I think & now I'm 26. I'll be 27 in Oct. I've come a loooooooong ways !!! :D I'm still a lil shy... like sometimes I don't know what to say. But sometimes I'll initiate a convo & start talking to some strangers. I'll talk bout the weather or whatever. I hope that this has helped you. Oh yeah, & I went to Countryfest this yr & I decided to go line-dance in a corner... Well, not really a corner but there was no room in the main area. I saw peeps watching me & didn't care. I was even "woooooooooooooooooooo" ing lool :P :D cuz they played Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy) I LOVE those guys !!!!!! :D I was also yelling when the guys on stage (band) wanted us to get loud. So you see... you CAN overcome your shyness. My counselor also used to be shy. She'd stay in her dorm & when peeps knocked on her door she'd stay in there pretending that she wasn't even there !!! I wouldn't have done that cuz I really like it when peeps wanna talk to me or hang out wit me, whatever. I really hope that this has boosted your self-confidence & that this can work for you as well. Good luck !!!!!!! :D

Answer 5

Just stop thinking about what other people's opinion of you are and just enjoy being around them. Have fun. If you do too much unwanted thinking, you'll get nervous, or will probably grow out of it the more you are with people. That's how it was for me. I was very shy, I still am kind of shy, but I'm much more comfortable than before. People are not judging me, like I thought. They are my and just like me in a way. They enjoy hanging out with me. The fact that I don't talk a lot makes me happier because they know I'll always listen to what they have to say. If you don't talk, you can be a great listener. Plus I'm smart. I've come to love people by not thinking about what they think of me because they're not constantly judging me. Hope that helps.

Answer 6

I used to be a lot more shy. I joined the speech/debate club at school and learned to express myself better. This also let my humor come out more. I found that when I had more faith that I would not embarrass myself in a conversation, I started more conversations! :o)

I know it is scary, but you also need to practice taking the initiative to meet new people. Try starting with one new person a week that you think might like some of the same things you do.

Another idea is to join a group or sports team. This gives you a smaller crowd to try and feel comfortable with and talk to.

Good luck! It does get easier - at least it did for me!

p.s. Alcohol is not a solution. It just drops your inhibitions temporarily. It could also make you just a drunker shy person.

Answer 7

This is a tricky thing to deal with. Basically, you first have to realize that you have it in your power to do whatever you want. Often we slip into routines, and breaking out of these routines can be extremely hard.
Unfortunately, the answer is really just to talk more. It feels uncomfortable at first, but you get used to it as you do it more. The fact is, you don't act outgoing because you feel outgoing. You feel outgoing when you act outgoing. The more you do it, the more it becomes like second nature.

I suggest this to get started: try joining a club, or trying out for a sport, or auditioning for a play, or basically doing something that interests you. This way, the people you meet will have something in common with you (they're in the same club, etc.) This will give you some common perspectives, and give you something to talk about.
Now pay attention to the thoughts in your head. Consider sharing these thoughts with someone else. Don't censor yourself because you're afraid of what the other person might think. The more you "put yourself out there," the more other people will begin to see what you're like. This will make it easier for other people to get to know you. Those who know you can then realize they have things in common with you, and you'll start attracting a circle of people who share your perspectives, sense of humor, etc.
It does feel awkward, but it's the only way. It worked for me...

Answer 8

A number of tricks used by professional speakers:

1= Imagine your audience is NUDE,

2= Look only in to the persons eyes. No were else.

3= Remember, if they are friends they already know you -- if strangers - WHO CARES WHAT THEY THINK.

4== YOU WONT BE BORING if you just ask a question and let them talk! Ask about were they are from... what they like to eat, drink, anything.

Answer 9

I think ....try to be interested in the other person and try to make them feel at ease talking to you. It is difficult as people wear (social) masks and act out roles and may not even like you. If you try hard and your gut feeling there is nothing clicking...chances are that you don't have much in common. But try! Most people have this idea of themselves staring in their own blockbuster movie...having their own leading role of their life ...if you go with that analogy...then try to focus your energy and attention on them and find out more about that other person and what role/identity they have for themselves. I think people always like it too if you can remember their name or something about them! I have been back to college recently and found it difficult...talking to my friends when I was at university first time round was effortless as we clicked straight away...but that may not always be the case...so you may have to do a bit of play acting if there is no chemistry there...am I making any sense!!!! I think we have all been in that situation where we have been stuck for words...its part of life...in the grand scheme of things life is too short to worry too much about it.... it is 2006 now you have a good few decades to go...I hope you find some lovely people to share your life with....sorry I have gone off on a tangent!!!! If your fear is rejection ...that people won’t like you or accepts you...face this fear head on and accept it. You can only try your best..the other person too should make an effort with you too. Hope this helps...xxx

Answer 10

Hey that was a great answer you put on my q, I did quite like Sin City too actually it was quite funky , just seemed to drag a bit maybe. I'm really shy too, I find it really hard to meet people. It's not like I'm ugly or anything, it just takes me a while to get to know people. Once I do I always get on really well, but its that inital thing I find difficult too.

Answer 11

There is no such thing as shyness, just lack of confidence. Think of your good points. Your taste in music, do you like dance, do you like concerts, do you like monty python, whatever, find a common ground, that's what the rest of us do and go on from there!