In this age of easy global communication, why are we so lonely?

Question

It's hard for people to meet. We have reality shows like "How to Get the Guy" to tell us the right ways to connect with other people. We seem to hide behind our computer monitors but yet we are able to talk to people on the other side of the world in real-time! Internet spawned long distance relationships become complicated and can hurt emotionally. Why is it so hard to meet people in your own town? Most people don't talk to each other. They don't say "hi" or hardly even smile at each other when they pass on the street. The person you put your head down to in order to avoid eye contact with on your lunch break could be someone you could be best friends with, you'd never know.

Answer 1

You answered your own question in part.. Because we as humans need the personal touch, the real human to hold us and love us. Because it is very easy to talk over the Internet, you do not have to give your name, you can say outrageous things,and never have to say you are sorry. You can think up a screen name that is not you or your personality, you can pretend. You can be whoever you want to. Can't do that in real life. Would you ask your question of a complete stranger? Probably not, just to avoid the "Huh?look you might get. You can pick a picture of yourself that is not you, and hide behind it. My pic has pink pajamas and bunny slippers and dark hair. But that is about it to being similar to me. I do not own bunny slippers. It is a state of mind. And I sure would not appear in public in that outfit,even if it was the real me. Which brings up another advantage. There is one less social barrier to conversation on the Internet. We can not judge a person by their appearance when we do not know what it is.
There are advantages to the Internet. The anonymity allows us to talk more freely, and to ask questions directly, without any social chitchat or getting to know a person before you ask a complicated question.
It allows socially isolated people to talk, have friends, feel important.
It allows people to help each other. Could you ask a stranger to help you? No, it isn't safe to talk to strangers. On the internet, it is safer. There is no physical threat, the other person does not know who you are or where you are.They can't follow you home, or harm you. They may be able to get your e-mail address and track you, but not as likely as in person.
And the internet helps the fear of commitment people, too. You can get as close as you want, then back off, with no fear of reprisal. One person was talking to me, he admitted to having several screen names. I guess if he did not like someone, he would just pop up in a different name.Or maybe he got what he was after, and could go back under a different name and get it again. I do not talk to him anymore. It sounded deceitful, and his behavior begegged some questions, like what else is he lying about? Why is he doing that, is there some mean reason?
So thank you for asking this question. Our society really is a mess sometimes, isn't it?

Answer 2

Move to Alaska, Sweetie. Nicest people on earth...we don't put up with a lot of crap..but we're real polite about not putting up with it. Friendly too...long winters up here (beautiful summers) but who wants to spend them alone. Get yourself to Alaska. You can come over to my house for coffee and muffins and we'll chit chat while the kids play in the living room or we can bar b q this week end.

I don't mean to make light of what you said..I wish the above were that simple...it is true about demographics...People are different in bigger cities yet its hard to get established in small towns cuz everyone already has their clicks. The best advice I can give you is to get yourself to a bible believing church and let them know how you feel and why, also take some classes or sign yourself up for a lecture circut..Maybe you aren't speaking from personal experience..but if what you say is true, our computers have become our faces...its simpler, cleaner but never satisfying...its better than nothing sure..I've many net friends that I would hate to part with however, there comes a time to shut it off and rejoin the real world where people know all your flaws and foibles and one must take risks to bond. Jesus said in Matthew 24..during the last days...The love of most will grow cold. It is happening. People are growing more hard hearted, introverted, calloused and secretive about their lives..and bitter because of it. We live in an instant gratification society where we want everything to come easily and to come to us..when that doesn't happen we act out..much like children, by simply pretending we don't want "it" or we don't need "it'...ie, love, friendship, commaraderie, family, community and etc. And look at the ways in which we do socialize...the most any way..very isolated groupings...bars, dance clubs, raves and etc. I wouldn't go there again for the world. Loneliness in a crowd is the worst. Reach out to God...He's reaching in...acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths. He's the only answer thats left in this emotionally decaying world. God bless you. Love in Christ, ~J~ <><

Answer 3

I think there are several aspects to this issues. The first is the break down of the family. Historically families are what have brought the most relational fulfillment to peoples lives. Not long ago ( 150 years ago) it was common for you not only to live with you immediate family but have large portions of your extended family either living with you or at least near you.

Now many consider themselves lucky to have one parent and a couple siblings living with them.

Another issue is the increased communication of information has made people aware of the atrocities that people can commit. This makes them afraid that that person they are passing on the street might do those same things to them. Therefore they hesitate to be friendly as a way of protecting themselves.

Also people move a lot more, before the car or the train people rarely moved leaving them in the same town for years and years. Allowed them to establish relationships over a longer period of time.

Finally I think it also is related to the attitude that out actions shouldn't be determined by what's socially acceptable but what is "right for us" this concept has given rise to the idea that you don't need anyone but yourself.

Answer 4

Its safer that way. For whatever the reason (I have heard a lot of reasons), there is not enough loyalty in much of anything anymore.

Jobs don't last forever, lilke they used to. Marriages fall apart faster then they can get put together. Personally it disgusts me. After only 7 years of marriage and four wonderful children, my wife decided to get a boyfriend and leave us all. I think I will stay behind this computer screen, much much safer.

Answer 5

We spend so much time talking to our computer monitors, cell phones, etc. that we either lose our social skills or never develop them.
Since we're talking to faceless entities in another part of the world, talking face-to-face with another human being becomes uncomfortable.

Answer 6

I'm not lonely. I'm married and I would hate to be single and looking for someone, This is a dangerous world.

Answer 7

People go around feeling that they are "connected" by the same cell phone that isolates them.

Answer 8

Your question holds the answer...global communication, i.e., internet... how much more impersonal can you get than that?

Answer 9

Speak for yourself. I don't find this to be true at all where I live.

Answer 10

I guess you don't live in the south.