ok here is the situation I think I have married my husband for all the wrong reasons?

Question

I think I married him so I wouldn't be alone
so my 2 children would have a father

and now I have 4 kids (had another but was asked to terminate the pregnancy cause the baby had major defects and the hubby and other family members thought it would be more of a struggle than do good for anyone in the house, and thought I was being selfish cause I wanted to go full term and see what would happen- there were options, but in the end I terminated cause of all the pressure)

now I am so friggin miserable - there is no passion all we do is sit around the house, there really isn't any connecting with the kids they play around us but we don't play with them cause well, the computer or television is more important

he is into his hobby more than he is in making sure the bills are paid

he doesn't beat me or cheat on me or drink himself drunk

I just dont know what my problem is --- HELP

thanks for allowing me to vent

Answer 1

The worst thing you can do is let other people make decsions for you! Your feeling trapped because of your situation with the baby. Other people putting there 2 cents in and now you feel like your stuck in a rut with no where to go. You need some time to yourself not anyone else. You need to be able to relax your mind and it`s hard to do when you have kids and a husband to answer to. My in-laws love to but in where they don`t belong and this just happened on the 4th of July. Big blow up and I told my father in law to stay out of my business and he told me he was going to fight me if I corrected my child again in front of him. I told him off and I willnot go over there again!!! I told the wife I needed some time to myself so I will get on the bike this weekend and ride to the beach and just stay gone for the day so I can clear my thoughts. If I don`t I get depressed and just want to get in the car and not look back. Sometimes it`s easy just to walk away but later you look back at what you had and kick yourself for leaving. It`s not easy what your going threw but clear your mind a little by getting away to think. You need time to yourself and just yourself to think. Do this and then think about limiting some of the people in your life access to your personal life .. Free your mind your a s s will follow!! Good Luck!!!

Answer 2

I think you already know the answer to your own question. If you in fact married him so you wouldn't be alone and so that your kids would have a father, then you definitely married him for the wrong reasons. Look at your life with him now, your basically still alone and your kids don't have a father. At least if you are being honest about how things are in your home. As for the baby I am sorry to hear about that, but at the same time you need a harsh reality check. You can not be forced to do anything you don't want to do. I was once in that same situation baby wise. My baby may have had sickle cell, but tested showed differently. But when I first heard the news that it was a possibility I had to weigh all of the possibilities. And I decided that if the baby was going to have sickle cell that I would have terminated the pregnancy. So you had a choice in what you wanted to do. Since you feel the way you do about the family life you have, raising the baby on your own would be the same as your home life now. I think you should get your family into counseling and see if there is anything worth saving, but before you invest all that money into counseling ask yourself do you even want to be married to your husband anymore? Good Luck....

Answer 3

Have you tried talking to Hubby about this? If not, I suggest you do, lovingly, and let him know you yearn for the days when you both were very happy together. Tell him you think the daily stress of work and the kids is taking it's toll on you both. You guys can go get counseling together, or if he won't go, then you should. You can always learn something about yourself that will help you out. Also, you should plan date nights with your husband. I know, you're married, but if you leave the kids with a sitter for the night and take the time out the 2 of you need as a couple, it could really do you both some good. Give it a try!

Answer 4

ok, you didnt say if you married or had children at a young age but it really doesnt matter. Your husband sounds like one of a kind; the kind many women out there are looking for and looks like hes doing everything he can or is supposed to do, but never the less you are bored and when one in a relationship gets bored, its time to move on unfortunately. Theres no easy way to end this, no magic words or solution to prevent the pain that will be forthcoming. Nothing good will come out of staying in a marriage where you just arent happy because sooner or later it will cause big problems and the everyone is unhappy. I t sounds like you have basically figured this out yourself but arent sure its the best way. Do it for the kids, as they didnt ask to be in this picture but are and they deserve to be happy, eventually they will be, and see mom and dad happy, so the best thing to do is contact a divorce lawyer for advice and cut your losses and move on and your husband may appreciate your honesty and quickness so he can move on Good luck

Answer 5

The problem? You answered it, "I just don't know what my problem is." The problem is you. You have to be able to adapt to your life and the responsibilities that come along with your decisions. If that means leaving him, that's what you must do. If that means that you will continually repeat this syndrome pattern of behavior, that what you must do. Intervene on your self- esteem. Make a decision that you'll never need anyone as much as your children need you, not a life altering situation for your own personal convenience to feel worth. He may not cheat, steal, lie or drink himself into an oblivion. But I guarantee that you will allow any person that comes along any of the things that I've mentioned so long as you still allow your self worth to not take precedence with your ability to make the right choices.

Answer 6

Ah, the old "I'm Married and I am bored" syndrome! Day to day living with the same person, week in and week out can be boring as hell if you let it be so....It is up to you to get your butts up, out, and going. There really is life out there, and you can put your self and hubby right in the middle of it. Passion in marriage is a full time job...you have to work on it. We are led to believe, by TV and movies, that all is "Happy ever after." Bull... If you want fun, use fantasy in the bedroom, day trips, outting to the shopping malls, state parks, picnics, ...anything that is different than you are doing. You have no one to blame but yourself for your boredome, so get going. And by the way, it sounds as if you have a damned good husband...bring some spark into his life...make that your goal and you won't be bored OR disappointed. Count your blessings and good luck.

Answer 7

It sounds like the 2 of you need a night alone,no kids just the 2 of you.Maybe go out to dinner and watch a movie then come home and talk about how you really feel and what the two of you can do to make things better Take things from there.

Answer 8

Miss I have a good idea of what you'r going through. I have a wife and 5 kids and she want's out for the same reason that you do with your husband. But perhaps you may be more fortunate than myself PROVIDING you and your husband will seek professional conseling. With four kids it will be mighty hard to quit your marriage at this juncture. Miss I've been married 15 years. For my part I'm satisfied and love my wife. While she loves me the poor woman is bored to death. LOL I'm not a fun guy so I can understand both you and my wife. LOL I think that he, and you, should learn to do things together that you both enjoy doing and maybe this might serve to rejuvinate your marriage as I'm trying with mine. Also as a lay (Catholic) minister I would seriously suggest that the two of you literally PRAY ABOUT IT. Ask GOD what you should do then do it as I did with my wife-and it's working for us! About your abortion, while I think that this was a true tragedy, you WERE forced into having it but just to ease your conscence when you pray ask for GOD'S forgiveness then FORGET ABOUT IT as though you never had it. Why drag yourself down with useless? It's counterproductive but the main thing you BOTH have to do is seek outside help-NOW...just a suggestion. We're, my wife and I, discuss our problems and try to change. Talk with your spouse. Divorce should be the court of last resort-with four kids...think about it. GOD be with you both and we'll pray for you.

Answer 9

I know this is not the answer you are looking for but "you made you bed, now you have to lie in it". You have 4 children...how in the world can you be bored? You need to stop dwelling on being "so bored and miserable" and get involved with your children's lives! Believe me if you change your focus from yourself (not a good choice for a mother of 4) and start focusing on your children and their needs, believe it or not you will get over this self pity. Get up off the couch and get involved in their lives, you only have them for 18 years in which to make a impact on their lives and you are wasting it away feeling sorry for yourself. All you are teaching them is to be like YOU, is that what you want for you children? and eventually their children? I am sorry but I have no pity for you, I have pity for your children, they deserve better from their parents.

Answer 10

Change it. I am not saying change your husband, but change your response. Figure out what your husband and kids are in to and get into it with them. Love your husband with all you have and see what comes of it. You basically have three choices. Live with it and be miserable. Abandon it and spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been. Or pour yourself into it and better the family and yourself in the process. Good luck.