I have been married for 24 years. During the time my husband has always been in debt. He owes thousands of pounds. I have always been good with money. At the moment I pay the gas, electricity, telephone, tv licence, water rates. We are now in the situation where we could lose our home. I owe no money personally. I don't even have a credit card.My sons are age 17 and 18. Is now the right time to make a fresh start on my own, and where do I begin.
2006-07-07 10:43:54 · 27 answers · asked by CityGirl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just looking through some of your answers. No, our bank account is not a joint account, the loans are not in both our names, although our home is. I have given my husband every chance to make a fresh start, as the mortgage and any debts he had were paid off 10 years ago when he had a lump sum of money paid to him. He has ran up £35,000 since then, the loans were taken out without my knowledge. The only reason I found out about them was last year when he tried to re-mortgage our home without telling me about it, but was stopped as our home is in joint names. Just for the record .... I no longer love my husband. Yes, I agree I do need some legal advise,
2006-07-07 12:00:54 · update #1
If the debts are in his name only, then they are totally his problem and not yours. I was married to someone similar. Lack of money was always a problem for us. He was out of work for a long long time. When we eventually split, he had around £8,000 of debts which were solely his. He threatened to take me to court as he said i 'made him get into debt'. Absolute rubbish. He was just bitter cos he had to finally face facts and grow up.
You have to make a decision and stick to it so either stay or go. See a solicitor about the house.
2006-07-11 09:42:41 · answer #1 · answered by chelsea19622000 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
First check to see if you are tied to his debt.. Second find out the cost of leaving him..Check your feelings (do you love him) by the way why have you stayed with him for that long if he has always been in debt.. This is a lesson to all women who rush into marriage.. Marriage is not all about love there is more to it.
Please! when you do decide to leave make sure he does not know where you live because he might kill you..Do not become his victim a second time around.. A little personal question ..Is it the debt or there is no... sex any more and he does not make you feel loved. I have a feeling that he does not give you the attention you want..
Times have changed and luck is on your side these days young guy like older women .. I say go and get yourself a fresh young and BIG and hard one....and rock or ride his life
2006-07-07 19:06:45 · answer #2 · answered by Life is FUn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't mention anything other than his debt. I'm assuming that he's accumulated the debt by some other means than just normal living, i.e. gambling or drugs. You also don't mention if you love him anymore. If you don't and the situation has become intolerable, then it probably is the right time to make a new start. But be careful. As others have mentioned, you should probably consult a lawyer/barrister about your obligations for the debt. I would get yourself a credit card and establish some credit under your own name (don't tell him, as it's just another source for him to use to get deeper in debt). Do you have friends you can talk to and help you? Remember that separation/divorce have their own problems/issues that you'll need to work through, but it may be a lot better than what you're going through now. Good luck!
2006-07-07 18:11:13 · answer #3 · answered by RJB 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You get out quickly. I dont know where you live so I dont know the laws affecting you personally with the house being joint. If he goes bankrupt the house could go too, You need fast legal advice. Do you have a citizens advice bureau. Can you get legal aid? Make a list of all your questions before you go, then go and see an expert for advice. Work quickly as you really dont want to lose your home. From a 24 year marriage I would imagine your mortgage to be quite small - so he pays nothing and you're working to subsidise him...I wouldn't do that for Russell Crowe. You could actually ring your mortgagees; tell them the truth and ask your options but please work quickly. Try and get a record that you're paying all mortgage paymentsas you dont know how awkward he could get.
2006-07-07 20:59:50 · answer #4 · answered by Jackie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First talk to your children, show them the bills, explain everything to them but do not put your husband down (he is their father).call a service centre and speak to a counsel or about the problems because you can't speak to your kids every day about it, you need a coach to help you trough and a good divorce attorney do not sign any paper concerning you house to any attorney, speak to your mortgage lender your are both responsible for the debts because of the duration of you marriage ask the judge during the divorce procedure that your husband be solely responsible for his debts. Your husband will never change you are not his mother; so move on.
2006-07-08 08:37:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there got the T shirt.
You his wife and half of what he has is yours whether you like it or nor.
is your bank account in joint names,
is your home in joint names,
is his debt in joint names
get the picture,
sure you can just up and bugger off as you like, but if debt is in joint names you can`t outrun it, somewhere down the line it gonna catch up with you, unless you change you identity, or live with someone else, have no bank account, and dont claim benifit, just work and get paid cash in hand,
u virtually untaceable then
2006-07-07 18:45:49 · answer #6 · answered by mysps 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get yourself to a women's advice centre. you may find one locally with a quick google or try your local citizens advice or cvs. see a solicitor to check out where exactly you stand on the debts. you get an hours free advice with a reputable solicitor. it's your life and well done you for standing by him and raising your kids but sacrifice yourself no longer. a women's advice centre will offer you some emotional support as well. get a couple of really long standing pals to back you up. you can just walk out right now and leave and you'll be ok but it must seem so scary to walk out of your prison now you see the door is open. you will be ok. just be patient with yourself and try not to think of all the things you need to do at once. baby steps one at a time will get you there. good luck. big sisterly hug to give you a boost from me!
2006-07-07 18:18:19 · answer #7 · answered by minerva 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If You Wana Leave Your Husband Just Bcuz Of That,Thats Pretty Couard-like.Hun,Get A Job,And Help Him!
2006-07-07 18:04:11 · answer #8 · answered by designers_lvngucci23 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he wants to live in debt, then let him, but I would get out and start a fresh life for myself. Get a divorce, and a job, and just take care of yourself for a change. You deserve it. You know we are not getting any younger. Good luck to you,,
2006-07-07 18:10:58 · answer #9 · answered by doglady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You begin by getting good professional advice, and that doesn't mean asking yahoo answers!!! I'm sure there are some highly intellegent people use this service but don't listen to them, get proper advice for your issues, then follow your heart. It aint easy but it is possible.
2006-07-07 18:02:17 · answer #10 · answered by barcers2000 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋