how to cope?

Question

i just lost my grandmother less than 4 months ago and i just lost my grandfather 3 days ago soes anyone know how to cope with that cuz im doing a very bad job my other grandfather is gone and my other grandma is still alive but she lives in another state and i hate her cuz of how she treates me and my siblings

please help

Answer 1

I'm sorry for what happened to you. I too have a great loss in my life. I gave birth to a still born son at 21 weeks of gestation. Here is what helped me: first understand grief (what you are going through)

What is Grief?

Grief occurs in response to the loss of someone or something. The loss may involve a loved one, a job, or possibly a role (student entering the workplace or employee entering retirement). Anyone can experience grief and loss. It can be sudden or expected; however, individuals are unique in how they experience this event. Grief, itself, is a normal and natural response to loss. There are a variety of ways that individuals respond to loss. Some are healthy coping mechanisms and some may hinder the grieving process. It is important to realize that acknowledging the grief promotes the healing process. Time and support facilitate the grieving process, allowing an opportunity to appropriately mourn this loss.

Common Reactions to Loss:

Individuals experiencing grief from a loss may choose a variety of ways of expressing it. No two people will respond to the same loss in the same way. It is important to note that phases of grief exist; however, they do not depict a specific way to respond to loss. Rather, stages of grief reflect a variety of reactions that may surface as an individual makes sense of how this loss affects them. Experiencing and accepting all feelings remains an important part of the healing process.

Denial, numbness, and shock

This serves to protect the individual from experiencing the intensity of the loss.


Numbness is a normal reaction to an immediate loss and should not be confused with "lack of caring".


Denial and disbelief will diminish as the individual slowly acknowledges the impact of this loss and accompanying feelings.

Bargaining
At times, individuals may ruminate about what could have been done to prevent the loss.
Individuals can become preoccupied about ways that things could have been better, imagining all the things that will never be.
This reaction can provide insight into the impact of the loss; however, if not properly resolved, intense feelings of remorse or guilt may hinder the healing process.
Depression
After recognizing the true extent of the loss, some individuals may experience depressive symptoms.


Sleep and appetite disturbance, lack of energy and concentration, and crying spells are some typical symptoms.


Feelings of loneliness, emptiness, isolation, and self-pity can also surface during this phase, contributing to this reactive depression.
For many, this phase must be experienced in order to begin reorganizing one’s life.
Anger

This reaction usually occurs when an individual feels helpless and powerless.
Anger may result from feeling abandoned, occurring in cases of loss through death.
Feelings of resentment may occur toward one’s higher power or toward life in general for the injustice of this loss.
After an individual acknowledges anger, guilt may surface due to expressing these negative feelings.


Again, these feelings are natural and should be honored to resolve the grief.

Acceptance
Time allows the individual an opportunity to resolve the range of feelings that surface.
The grieving process supports the individual. That is, healing occurs when the loss becomes integrated into the individual’s set of life experiences.
Individuals may return to some of the earlier feelings throughout one’s lifetime.
There is no time limit to the grieving process. Each individual should define one’s own healing process.

Factors that may hinder the healing process:
Avoidance or minimization of one’s emotions.


Use of alcohol or drugs to self-medicate.


Use of work (overfunction at workplace) to avoid feelings.

Guidelines that may help resolve grief
Allow time to experience thoughts and feelings openly to self.
Acknowledge and accept all feelings, both positive and negative.
Use a journal to document the healing process.
Confide in a trusted individual; tell the story of the loss.
Express feelings openly. Crying offers a release.
Identify any unfinished business and try to come to a resolution.
Bereavement groups provide an opportunity to share grief with others who have experienced similar loss.
If the healing process becomes too overwhelming, seek professional help.


RECOMMENDED READING

Death, The Final Stage of Growth. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice Hall, 1975 Kubler-Ross, Elisabeth

On Death and Dying. New York: MacMillan, 1969 Kubler-Ross, Elisabeth

When Bad Things Happen to Good People. New York: Schocken Books, 1981Kushner, H.

Answer 2

I'm sorry for your loss. When I was a kid, a couple years after my mom died, her father (my favorite grandpa) died, and then just months after that, her mother (my irrate and loud-mouthed grandma, God bless her) passed on too. It was very painful to lose all of these people within such a short time. It even hurts to this day, but life is for the living and I know in my heart they are always smiling down on me. I bet your grandma and grandpa are doing the same for you. It gets easier as time passes, but when you are sad and miss them, remember all the wonderful things they taught you and all the memories you shared with them. By doing this, you're keeping them alive in a way.

Try talking to your other family members as I'm sure they are sad about the losses as well. And if they are too lost in their own grief to help you, perhaps you can try talking to a counselor or clergyperson. There are even support groups you can join and meet others just like you who are also trying to cope with the loss of a loved one. I'm sorry that your other grandma is mean, but at least she doesn't live near you so you don't have to put up with her bad behavior often. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

I am sorry for your losses. At this time, you need to celebrate their lives and keep in mind the way that they would truely want you to feel.

I believe that they would give anything for you to lead a wonderful and happy life and, though it is natural to grieve, they would want you to get back on track and celebrate their memories.

Share stories and memories with your siblings. Send them mental thank you messages - I believe that they are well aware of your feelngs and if it were possible, they would hug you and tell you that everything will be ok.

I also suggest that you read the book: Life on the other side: A Psychics Tour of the Afterlife (by Sylvia C. Browne). As a live=in caregiver who lived with my uncle for 3 1/2 years - and stayed with him at his deathbed, I can honestly say that this book brought me a lot of comfort and felt plausible for me.

All the best to you!

Answer 4

Sorry for your loss. What I would suggest is talking with one of your close friends and let out what you are feeling. To grieve is normal. It is best to talk about it and your feelings.