So do you drop it??

Question

So I just asked a question about my husband talking to his ex when we were going through tough times.. I confronted him and of course he couldn't lie cause I had proof! He says he didn't see anything wrong with it because they just spoke. But the last time she called she left a msg saying that she still loves him, but only mentioned him calling her not seeing her. But I still have this feeling he saw her, but he won't admit it. I have no proof. How do I let it go? Or do I? Should I just stop digging at it? He is my husband and I should have faith in him!

Answer 1

Excuse me if I'm out there, but I was under the impression an ex is for a reason. So why does he need to talk to her? And what the hell is she doing calling your home and leaving a message like that? And why is he allowing her to do that? Drop it? Sounds like that's what you need to tell him to do. Drop her, tell her not to call and let you two get on with your life. If he can't, something is wrong.

Answer 2

An "x" is an "x" for a reason; maybe many reasons. Do they have an children together? If they do, they need to talk; this is a good thing. Of course, the talk should be limited to what is best for the child in regards to day to day child care, hospitalization and emergencies, schooling, etc. This will let the child know that he or she is NOT the reason that they are not together anymore, and that he or she is loved very much by both parents. If in fact they do not have any children, there is no reason for them to be "overly concerned" about what the other is doing. This is not to say that they can not be friends. I am only saying that they should, in no way, be going out of their way to see each other for ANY reason. As for you; BACK OFF! If you WANT to push them closer together KEEP IT UP! Let it die, keep an open mind, but at the same time, keep your EYES open for any signs of infidelity. If there is anything going on, it will eventually surface; it always does.

Answer 3

Do they share children together? If not, there is absolutley no reason why they should be talking her... period. Would he like it if your were talking on the phone to one of your ex's? If they do share children the only thing they should be discussing is the well being of their kids. Even with that if the children are old enough they can call their father themselves. This is a mixture for a bad situation waiting to happen. Let him know up front how you feel about it. If he sees that this bothers you yet doesn't take your feelings into consideration. Then i think it's safe to say he feels the same way about the ex as she does for him. In any case he'd have to decide whats more important his ability to talk to the ex whenever he wanted to or the fate of our marriage because of it?

Answer 4

It bothers you and it should because he shouldn't be telling his ex anything about you and him if that is what he was doing. I bet he did. My ex still calls me whenever he and his wife are going thru rough patches even during their seperation and he told me all kinds of things that she did. But when they got back together she accused me of encouraging him to leave her for me. Which was not the case at all. I simply told him that I was not his marriage counselor and any problems he was having he needed to be telling her or they should seek counseling together. He and I are only friends because we have 2 kids togehter. I tell him point blank all the time when his conversations turn to him and his wife that I only want to talk about our kids. I don't blame you for feeling the way that you do. He is your husband so you should have faith in him, but you need to find out if he mentioned his marriage with you to her, because there is a reason he told her. Mine told me because he wanted to get back together. I would rather go straight to "he** before I ever did that again I am happily married to my husband and I never mention anything that goes on between my husband to my ex. You have to remember she is the one that says she still loved him. But I would make it clear that you are uncomfortable with his relationship with her especially after hearing her message. I would not want him talking to her anymore if there are no kids involved of course. Ps if you dig at him about it he is never going to tell you anything find a way of finding out more info on your own if you feel you can't drop it.

Answer 5

Oh for God-sakes! Look the little bastard is freakin talking to his X, she says she still loves him, yea, yea, yea! Here's what you should do, first, don't give him any of the good stuff for a while, this'll show him who's boss. Second, give that old flame of yours a call; while he's choking back one of those big ol' juicy steaks you just brought in off the grill. Laugh it up with that old boyfriend of yours. Then when your hubby freaks, you can tell him, "Hey, it was OK for you to talk with your X, why can't I do the same?" I bet the little jerk will finally get it through his thick skull then! Good luck to ya!

Answer 6

I am curious as to why he cannot talk to his ex....?? I talk to mine and it is just fine. That does NOT mean I want them back. She is the one with the problem, and you have allowed it to become your problem..why? Has he given you any reason to be jealous? And so what if he did see her? He was married to her, for pete's sake...is there something wrong with his seeing her? That doesn't mean he is bedding her down. IF you are so curious, why don't you tell him what she has said, what is going on..should you know? I don't think I would be wasting much energy on it...if you do, she certainly knows how to yank your chain. I, for one, would not admit to anyone that an EX could get to me like this. Good luck

Answer 7

Just have faith in him. He admitted speaking to her, so I don't see why he wouldn't have admitted seeing her. If you need further proof, ask him if he wants to talk to her. Ask him if he likes that this is making you upset and you want it to stop. If he doesn't really want to talk to her, or upset you, then call her yourself. Tell her he told you everything, and that he doesn't want this to continue, and neither do you. But be prepared for her to be upset.. and vindictive. She may say some mean things.. and some untrue things. Just know that she's angry, and trust in your husband.

Answer 8

Oh no!!!! I'm sorry but that just dosen't go. You need to confront him and have him tell you the truth. That is just so wrong. I would have picked up the phone by now and told her what the hell her problem was. Confront both of them. Or lie to your husband tell him that you already spoke with her and that she said she seen him. They usually end up falling for it....

Answer 9

I don't think there is anything wrong with asking your husband to end contact with his ex, especially since she is clearly still having feelings for him. Just ask him to stop having contact with her because it makes you uncomfortable, but don't ask in an argumentative way or let it become a fight. Be loving and sincere and he will be more likely to respond well.

Answer 10

I suggest seeing a therapist. You're "seeing things" that you have no proof are there. So what if he spoke to his ex. You're married to a guy who had an ex when you met...that's life. You need to get over your jealousy...after as YOU are married to him not her. If you wanted a guy who didn't come with baggage maybe you should have married a guy just out of a monestary.