My grandmother (who raised me so she is more like my mother) is really sick and I don't know how much longer she is going to live. Anyways my ex-husband says that he will not allow my son (who will be 7) go to the funeral. I think my son is of age don't you? Concidering it is like his grandmother.
2006-07-07 10:23:39 · 22 answers · asked by Taletha H 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
This is a rediculous question. Not to ask it but that you need to. Your husband is being unreasonable if he says he wont allow your 7 year old son to go to the funeral. Death is a natural part of life and to learn that at a young age wont cause problems it will actually help him understand the world better and deal with it accordingly. Take him to the funeral and tell him the truth about it. dont butter it up in any way or you will be deluding what he needs to know. I had my uncle die when I was your just a little older than your son, and learning about it was traumatic in losing him but it helped me understand the nature of life and respect it all the more!
2006-07-07 10:30:41 · answer #1 · answered by Zachariah D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would.
Much has been said about how a person might obtain 'closure' attending the funeral of a loved one. For a young child, viewing the body and attending the funeral is to be encouraged but by no means should it be forced onto a child who does not wish to attend. If this circumstance arises, do not aggressively pursue the issue and do not make the child feel guilty for staying away.
Many people take photographs of the deceased to send to relatives who are unable to attend, so take a photograph for your child too. If it is possible to videotape the service then do so. Having a copy on videotape will provide your child the opportunity to watch the service if and when he/she is ready.
In the meantime, tell your child all the details that he/she wishes to know about the funeral service as well as any other questions they may have about the deceased.
Moreover, while you are at the funeral service, ensure that your child stays with someone you trust to be supportive to the child's needs. The child may experience confusion, grief and anxiety as well as regret about staying away.
Your Decision
A funeral can bring out the best intentions in people but these intentions can often manifest themselves in the form of unwanted interference. Some people, such as close relatives, may think that having children attend a funeral is dangerous to their mental health; that the image of a dead relative or friend will be too distressing.
The most important thing for a parent in this situation is to know and understand their children. If the parent believes that they should view and attend the funeral service then they should proceed with that course of action. Do what you feel is right and do not let the disapproval of others sway you.
At The Funeral
Some parents are occasionally surprised by the extent to which their child's emotions can go. A funeral is a time for saying farewell and a child will probably understand this as being a 'sad' time.
However, children can often form attachments to people that are deeper than anyone expects, e.g. a funny uncle who made them laugh or a family pet can be an intrinsic part of the child's emotional life.
Children should not be made to feel ashamed of their emotions. The parent should not express displeasure at the extent of a child's mourning because they expect the child's grief to be on a par with their own. The child should be allowed to explain how he/she felt about the deceased and the parent should listen and offer support; cuddles can help children too.
While a child may not really care too deeply about the loss of a great-aunt they only met once, they may never forget the grief caused when their dog dies due to the happy memories they had with their beloved family pet.
2006-07-07 18:05:27 · answer #2 · answered by chapped lips 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am very very sorry to hear about your grandmother...I lost mine last year and it was tough..she helped raise me just as yours did.
But my opinion is that your son should not be sheltered from an even that happens throughout life...we will all lose loved ones-unfortunately we cannot help when or who we lose...
To deny him going to his grandmothers funeral may end up scarring him in more ways than one....perhaps even eventually leading him to avoiding all issues pertaining to illness and death.
I think you should let him go-grieving is a natural process..and I truly do not believe that anyone older than five years old should be denied that right. It is something you have to work with your husband on...but just let your husband know how much the grieving process is needed, and in some respects a funeral acts as a sort of closure...
2006-07-07 17:38:18 · answer #3 · answered by vdubbchick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he should go to the funeral. He's at the age where he begins to remember people he cares about. My first funeral was my grandmother's. I was 11. I would've been terribly hurt if I couldn't go. Nobody takes my grandmother's place in my heart. Plus, your ex has no say so. Looks like you have custody.
2006-07-07 17:30:10 · answer #4 · answered by just me 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was very young when I went to my grandmothers funeral. I still remember it to this day. I think either way it go's it will not hurt him to go or not to go. I remember what my grandmother looked like in the casket. She looked nothing like what she looked like in her every day life. My son is 8 I would not take mine only because I would want him to remember her as she is when she was smiling not what she looks like in the casket. When I look back and I am 31 I can still see her in the casket. Her lips where small in real life but in the casket they where big and looked stretched out. Don't be to hard on the x for his beliefs maybe he experienced something like that 2.
Good Luck!
2006-07-07 17:37:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not allowing your son to attend the funeral could be a stumbling block in his grieving process. I think it's important for your son to go. He is certainly old enough. Children are more resilient that your ex realizes.
2006-07-07 17:27:48 · answer #6 · answered by Karen M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your son is old enough to go to the funeral and like you say it is his great grandmother.
2006-07-07 17:26:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes.Take Him.Tell Your Ex That It Gives The Child A Chance To Say Good-Bye.
2006-07-07 18:16:40 · answer #8 · answered by designers_lvngucci23 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have a talk with your son. Ask him if he wants to go. Try to explain the situation to him. Ask him if hes comfortable going, or if he would rather not. He may be young, but he will know what he wants to do. He should not be forced to go or stay home based on one parents opinion. Depending on your child, going or not going could traumatize him. Maybe he wants to say goodbye. Or maybe hes scared and doesnt want to go. Or maybe he has dealt with it in his own little way and doesnt need a formal ceremony to validate his feelings. The concern should be about what is best for him, and hes old enough to figure it out.
2006-07-07 17:29:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course I would let my child go, why shield them from life, it's almost like lying to them. I have had 2 loved on die in my life, my grandfauther was the first when I was about 9 and I didn't feel bad for going it's good to let go of someone like that and say your goodbyes, so you don't feel as though you missed your chance to say good bye. and when I was 16 my fauther passed, my mother was poor and divorced from him so we were not able to even have a funeral, we just drove to the crematory and picked up his ashes and that was that, that experience left me somewhat empty not able to say good bye to him. And nobody even caring enough to give him a funeral. its up to you what you would like to do, hope i was some help
2006-07-07 17:57:14 · answer #10 · answered by Eve 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋