My husband always wan't to go to his mothers I mean always we don't have alot of friends and he hates to be at home but we don't anything different at his mothers than we do at home. He doesnt even talk to his mother while we're there he goes around the house looing at books and old things he wants to take home leaving me to talk with his mother who though I love her, talks more than anyone I have ever met and anyone who knows her will say the same. So I have a splitting headache when we leave I don't understand why we always have to be over there especially since he doesnt even speak to his mother. It's just so strange whats the difference between his mothers house and his own he can't stand to be at our home. Why?
2006-07-07 10:02:49 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Education & Reference ➔ Higher Education (University +)
Sounds like he might be nostalgic for his childhood. This was the house he grew up in, right? He may be trying to escape from adult responsibilities by escaping from his "adult" house, at least symbolically. He seems to want to put you and his mother in the same category by avoiding both of you and having you talk to each other. Thus, you cease to be his wife, and become like his mother. Have you asked him if there's anything about being a child that he preferred to being an adult, and why?
2006-07-07 10:14:58 · answer #1 · answered by jkraus_1999 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Could be about familiarity, comfort, safety, acceptance to name a few. You don't give any ages or how long you two have been together. This information might shine some light into your question.
Could it be he has a fear of intimacy and is afraid if you are both home, you might want to talk to him or worse want him to talk to you. If this answer rings true, you guys should go to counseling or on a couples retreat on communication.
At the very least you need to have some outside interests that are appropriate for a married woman. Find something that interests you, perhaps further your education or learn a new hobby.
Either way, it sounds like you guys could use some passion in your life.
2006-07-07 17:31:41 · answer #2 · answered by Julie S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't take a degree in psychology to infer from your question that he doesn't talk to you either. The obvious answer is that you need to talk to him.
Perhaps they have never been comfortable together and you are helping "normalize" the situation. But that doesn't absolve him from the responsibility. Nor does it make his mother feel good about their relationship.
Try planning a specific activity in advance for the three of you when you visit. Whatever, all of you look at old pictures or play games if she is not mobile. Then talk to your husband when you get home about the day.
2006-07-07 17:12:05 · answer #3 · answered by grapeshenry 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you mean he wants to go but when he got there he had nothing to say and you do all the talking right?
You are filled with stress because you are the one who ends up doing all the talking. I could understand.
Men are sometims like that. Sometimes, they think showing their presense to their mother's house is enough to fulfil the responsibilites of being good sons. I mean, as mothers you want to see your son live and well. Sometimes you don't need to see him opening mouth all the time.
Yea, It is stressful for you as in-law. but you have to put it with it because the days of old people are not that long. I have the feeling by then he will have lots to say about his mother. Remember men tend to keep their feelings inside more than women!
2006-07-07 17:11:44 · answer #4 · answered by mystery t 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you know part of the answer.
For some reason he wants to be at his mother's house. Maybe he is trying to remember something from childhood. Maybe he keeps dreaming he left something there and he want to get it back.
If he wants to understand, a therapist might be able to help. there is no absolute answer to this, other than his own thinking.
2006-07-07 17:08:18 · answer #5 · answered by nickipettis 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The conection is not with his mother, but rather with his childhood.
Or more precisely, with a time in his life that he felt safe, secure. He had no responsibility and everything was secure.
He MAY be in or heading for a "mid life crisis".
Just one person's opinion
Shine on
2006-07-07 17:10:27 · answer #6 · answered by Comfortably Numb 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you sit there and talk with his mother you are making a mistake by doing it all the time. Let him sit there. Why do you go with him if you know that he isn't going to visit with her. I would stay home if I were you and let him go by himself.
2006-07-07 17:08:48 · answer #7 · answered by Snuffy Smith 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am guessing since his mother ocupies your time he is free to do what he likes without retribution. If I had to make an educated guess I would say he is running from you. Not joking, or being a jerk, just think about it.
2006-07-07 17:08:04 · answer #8 · answered by aprince2005 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
comfort and security possibly. How long have you lived at your home? And been together?
I believe you should ask to sit down with you and have a romantic dinner and ask him as to how you to can develop a new life at your home as to returning to the old and familar.
Good luck.
2006-07-07 17:08:24 · answer #9 · answered by vkewl182 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he has some sort of weird attachment. Could have something to do with his childhood. Doesn't his mom find it odd?
2006-07-07 17:07:49 · answer #10 · answered by earzee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋