I've been supporting my fiance since he hurt his back on the job two years ago. We now have a one-year son. I don't mind supporting my son (of course), but supporting my fiance is getting to me. He's a smoker (I'm not), and every other day I buy cigarettes for him. If I don't buy them, he'll sit there and make me feel sorry for him. I've asked him to try and find a way to bring in some sort of income so he can help me with our expenses, and all I'm getting are empty promises. I'm at my wits end. I love him and want things to get better for us. What do you recommend?
2006-07-07 09:49:57 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Marriage counseling
I understand your frustration
You are dealing with new responsibilities the come with being the "bread winner". and he is dealing with his injury. Your husband is probably depressed and has feeling of helplessness.
You should tell him you love him but he needs to work towards adjusting to his new life. He is not helping himself out any by sitting around.
Look into some support groups for him, it might help if he could talk to someone who has or is going through something similar.
Remember you child he wants to have his dad involved in his life, you should try your hardest to not take that away from him.
Marriage is through sickness and in health, this is the sickness and if it were you, you would want the same support.
2006-07-07 09:56:04 · answer #1 · answered by Enigmatic33 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A real man wouldn't sit around and refuse to support his family (and since you have a son together you ARE his family whether you are married or not). If you have already expressed that 1 his spending habits are not ok (smoking) and 2 that he should help bring in income, and he hasn't done anything about it. Time to push the issue than right after push him out of the house. Like you said, you are at your wits end, he just keeps making empty promises. What kind of exmple is he setting for your son?! Do you want to be poor and never be able to go on vacation or retire because all he does is sit around?! You can be sorry to a degree, sorry enough to take care of him for this long, to help him out, to support him and his cancer-stick habit but now its time for him to BE A MAN and show appreciation for all you've done for him. You made a SIMPLE request for him to get off his a** and find SOME income. You are asking for what ANY self respecting person in your situation would request and he refuses to change the situation. Let him know this is unacceptable. Don't be ashamed to push him just because he's disabled. His back might be hurt, but as a man- as a father- as your fiancee he shouldn't be disabled. There are alot of people with physical challenges who aren't using it as an excuse to sit on their a** and make their loved ones or society (tax payers) pay for them and their wasteful habits (smoking)... don't make this your bed or you might lie in it alot longer than you hope.
2006-07-07 10:00:27 · answer #2 · answered by HE'S NOT INTO ME 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him an ultimatum. Say I want you to better yourself, and getting a job is part of that. I'm tired of waiting, and you have ------months to find a job or else I'm leaving you. I love you, but now you need to do this for me. Offer to help, then back off. If he can't keep or refuses to try and get a job, leave him, hes isn't worth you. He may have depression or need to talk to a therapist, so offer to help with that too.
2006-07-07 09:55:22 · answer #3 · answered by reverenceofme 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Life is too short to waste it on someone who won't do anything to help himself. I have seen too many men complain of being "disabled" who are completely capable of getting a job, and I wouldn't waste any more time on him. He will sponge off of you for as long as you let him. If you leave he will be forced to take care of himself, and maybe will "recover" enough to start earning an income. He is not your responsibility, Your child is.
2006-07-07 09:54:51 · answer #4 · answered by leslie m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could always find a part time job to bring in more income
2006-07-07 09:55:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him. He can do SOMETHING to bring in some sort of income. Its not right for you to support him.
2006-07-07 09:51:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How would you feel if the situation was reversed and you were unable to work and stayed at home with your son? I'm sure then it would be okay.
2006-07-07 09:51:48 · answer #7 · answered by heidielizabeth69 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You owe this man nothing, if you were married to him, I would say stay and try to get him to apply for social security disability.
2006-07-07 09:53:11 · answer #8 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey plez...apart of loving sum one is being there for them .....but only you know when enough is enough he could get on disability and that could help you out sum..but above all you have a kid to care for ...you can't help him if he dont wanna help himself...if it gets to the point where you're neglecting your kid then its time for you to let him go ...i think he's feeling sorry for himself and needs to try to fix his problem....quit feeling sorry for him its not helping him at all ....and its not helping you ...its not helping your kid.....
2006-07-07 14:48:33 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he can get a job smoking cigarettes... he can probably do this from home...
2006-07-07 09:54:45 · answer #10 · answered by Kiowa1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋