My husband is very strict ex military and our 15 year old son is awesome! straight a's on the deans list and works full time at the college this year. Never been in trouble for anything and he is soooooo wonderful to have as a son! I know he is not perfect but his dad is soooo strict! He has a whole line up like trash-picking weeds-laundry-mowing lawn-dishes-and gets very very angry and will call him names if its not done HIS WAY! Is it wrong of me to cover up for my son when my hubby goes off the deep end and lie or do one of his chores for him????? Im his mom and I love him and hubby is sooooo strict! Am t the obnly one who does this????
2006-07-07 09:33:53 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
No. My mother did the very same thing for me. Dad was very machiavellian in his approach. I was terrified of him, but my mother always managed to smooth it over.
I eventually developed an amazing and unconditional bond with my mother because i realised that it was her that pulled me through every time. We became much closer than I could ever get with my Dad.
Keep at it.
2006-07-07 09:41:32 · answer #1 · answered by Sherlock 6 · 4⤊ 2⤋
Sounds like you need to have a serious talk with your husband. Strickt is ok but he needs to leave some room for being human. You should not have to be put in the middle between your son and your husband this way and parenting should be a joint dutie not a command from on high. So talk with him, don't bring up doing things for your son but try to get him to back it down a little bit. Or at least not get so angery when it's not done perfect. But remember being ex military, they are taught there is 1 way to do things the army way and if you don't then there are consiquences and that having things setup this way actually makes life easier because it's black and white. So getting him to change much may be like asking a tiger to change it's strips but maybe you can get him to tone down the punishment side and remind him that he is not in the army now.
At the same time be careful. Your son sounds great but at some point since you are helping him out he may take advantage of that, so be careful. Better to try to get hubby to chill out a little.
Best of Luck
2006-07-07 09:41:42 · answer #2 · answered by John 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My question to you is, why did you not address this when he was a little kid? Why have you let him be this way? Parenting is a 2 way street. Its not a bossy parent and a cowering parent. Can you not talk to him? Have you suggested anything to help? The strictness isn't a problem, its usually a symptom. My military husband is like that too. His is from anger issues and how he was raised. If you could show him other ways of discipline that work, he might be willing to chill some. There are times you need to step in. There are times you need to help your child. And maybe your kid needs to learn more responsibility. I know he's strict, but so is the real world. He won't always have you to pick up after him.
2006-07-07 09:37:42 · answer #3 · answered by Velken 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess it won't hurt any one your son is your SON & will always be & your hubby might not be for always who knows?? I think is okay for our kids to have shores but since he is not old enough to be working his only obligations should be behave good, do good in school & help out with some shores . But when does he have time to be a teenage???? That count's too, maybe a schedule of washing the dinner dishes every other day, take out the trash & most important to have his room clean he can also be incharge of his clothes..so he can become responsible of his own things cuz u never know how his future wife is going to be !!! But your hubby shouldn't be so hard on him give him time to have fun & not only to have shores & responsabilities ... good luck to all !!!
2006-07-07 09:46:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No your not wrong.... You just love your son and realize that your hubby is a bit to strict.
You could try talking to your hubby, let him know you think he is a bit to strict and point out all the great choices ya'lls son has made in his life and still does, how well he does at school and work, etc. Maybe your hubby will slack a little....
2006-07-07 09:38:17 · answer #5 · answered by Fantasy Kel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your caught between the man you married, and I presume you love, and your son, who you love. Make sure your not overly mothering him, but I do agree that your husband does sound a bit tough. Maybe if your son was 18 or 19, but not 16. If you know your husband won't change, then covering for him might be the way to go. Just know that eventually you will need for him to grow up and act responsibly eventually.
2006-07-07 09:55:26 · answer #6 · answered by jojomcn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ummm sounds to me like u need to try to wear the pants in the house a little more. i do not know if it is his real father or not and ur son seems to be a good kid but remember a monkey is a deer in his mother's eyes. i do not mean this insultingly but mothers tend to have a blind eye when it comes to what their kids do. i think it could be because of ur husbands strictness that your son is so sucessful in school how ever the name calling is not good. kids who are emotionally abused tend to have a deep dark depressive side and can be more agressive as adults. if it is his step father u need to be the one to stop this if he is his real father u need to step up to him and tell him to stop and cut ur son some slack. he is not a machine and is just a boy. how ever u should thank god that he is behaving because if you look at the majority of the american youth they are not doing so well in school and very disrespectful to others. having a strict scedule can be benificial for your child in his older years. it will teach him that priorities come first and fun and games come last if at all. he will most likley grow to be sucessful and for all u know thank the father in later years. sit and talk to your son and see how he feels about it. good luck and by the way once in a while it is alright to cover for your son all mothers do this at one point or another.
2006-07-07 09:42:33 · answer #7 · answered by wedjb 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO, I do the same for my 7 year old daughter, it's not right I know and my husband isn't near that bad but he flies of the handle on occasion. I'm trying not to do it anymore because it teaches them to lie and that's not the best way either. Sounds like your stuck between a rock and a hard place
2006-07-07 09:41:11 · answer #8 · answered by momie_2bee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is wrong, but If your husband goes off the deep end over something that small then he has a problem. Military men, god bless them, treat their sons like the "new recruits" I have military sons for friends and they tell me so. Can you get your husband to lighten up or see a counselor?
2006-07-07 09:38:14 · answer #9 · answered by stick man 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a mother, what you are doing is far from wrong. You love your son, he's a good kid, so by covering up his "mistakes" which sound fairly insignificant, you're just being a great parent. If confronting your husband is out of the question, then just continue on.
2006-07-07 09:37:12 · answer #10 · answered by corner of the morning 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must reward your son for his good deeds.
Do not hide anything from your husband.
You must confront your husband about being too hard on your son.
He should be glad that he doesnt have a teen who wants to be disobediant.
If your Husband continues it will break your sons spirit and he will wonder why he is doing good if good is never enough....
As a result of this he will turn the other cheek and disobey.
A child must see the reward in doing right.. its encouraging.
2006-07-07 09:37:25 · answer #11 · answered by PG 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋