see my spouse is the one who asked me to be with other women and i did it for him well now i like women to, but he says i cant be with women any more now. he approved at first now he has changed his mind, the reason is i got close to my last girlfriend and she was trying to get me to leave him,so in that case he thought i was in love with her but i wasnt she was in love with me and trying her damnest to seperate us so she thought if she slept with him i would leave him and go to her (i knew for her 7 months,been with him 13 years)but it backfired and didnt work. so now he says i cant be with women anymore hes the one that turned me to women now he wants to take it away. so i guess my question is if im with another woman is it still cheating?
2006-07-07 09:28:48 · 14 answers · asked by blueeyed sexy blonde 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Okay . . . how old were you two when you got married . . . probably out of high school or college? I don't know and right now it doesn't matter. But if you two need a little extra in the bedroom, then you two got married too early unless you had that type of relationship before hand.
At first . . . you have his approval . . . no cheating. Now that he changed his tune . . . he removed his permission, so if you continued, you would be cheating.
But the thing is . . . he is afraid now . . . he opened up a can a worm and he is scared that you may leave him. You mean everything to him and if you leave him . . . it may destroy him. Remember, your last girlfriend tried to manipulate you into leaving your husband by sleeping with him without you. How did it made you feel? You felt cheated . . . betrayed . . . more by her than him.
My suggestion is to talk with your husband . . . regarding this. Talk to him about laying down some ground rules . . . such as . . .
1. You both need to know the girl - agree.
2. No freelancing (no sex without your partner presence or involved).
3. Open communication between the both of you
4. No emotional involvement of the third person.
5. Your husband can join you with the third person, if he wants (which would have to be discussed with the third prior to first encounter).
6. If you can have sex with her, so can he . . . remember for this work . . . the third would have be shared equally.
7. Jealously is not an option . . .
There are many more . . . but you have to discuss this with your husband. Tell him that he started it . . . and you want to continue with his approval and participation. He may be willing to approve if he can participate . . . instead of being left out.
2006-07-14 09:17:29 · answer #1 · answered by Tag Your It 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is one road that, once you start to walk down it, you can't just turn around and go back to what you had before without a lot of comittment and hard work.
He's upset because you enjoyed it "Too Much" ... although from your perspective, why should you not enjoy it?
In his perspective there is a separation between emotional and physical attachments. That's because most men don't need to feel any emotion to have sex. Not typically true for ladies. Therefore, he feels betrayed because he percieves that you became emotionally entangled with someone other than him.
It's the emotional part that ends up hurting the most ... after all, human beings are basically too selfish of creatures to share the things they hold most dear.
At this point, if you continue down this path, you'll just be hurting your man to satisfy your lusts. The good news is this, if he's saying you can't do this ... then he's very much in love with you, ir-regardless of how you two got on this rollercoaster.
You have three choices ...
1.) Recommit and Rediscover a loving, mongnonomous relationship with your spouse.
2.) Leave him and follow your lusts, but be prepared for the fallout and self questioning that comes later.
3.) Cheat on him and delay the inevitable leaving and starting over, but with a lot more pain and agony involved.
Convincing him that you should still have your cake and eat it too is not a viable option.
2006-07-07 10:04:31 · answer #2 · answered by flash 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be careful what you wish for, eh?
Strictly speaking, any sexual relationship outside of the bounds of the marriage is cheating. Now, you two may have a pretty broad definition of your relationship, and that's okay. What seems to have happened is that he thought a woman would be no threat and very entertaining. Unfortunately, he was viewing you and her as sexual objects instead of humans with emotions. Fortunately, your heart is still with him. But now he's shaken. He sees you liked it and is probably worried that he can't compete with a woman and doesn't want to lose you.
You two need to seriously talk about your relationship and expectations. You need to work on rebuilding trust and security in the relationship. You probably need to stop bringing in other sexual partners since it is clear that you are both not comfortable with that. Remember, when you said "I do", it was to him and with the understanding that there would be no outside encounters. You two bent the rules for a bit and it was fun for you, but not him. If it went the other way (IE he liked it but you hated being with a woman) would you want to continue? Of course not.
You two should probably consider some therapy as well. This could become a major issue, and it sounds like you may have some sexual preference issues. If it turns out you are a lesbian or bisexual, it will do you no good to try to suppress that and you will just end up resenting him.
Good luck!
2006-07-07 09:53:16 · answer #3 · answered by James M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he doesn't know it and would not approve then it is cheating. I do think he is being unfair and irrational. He opened this door for his own benefit and now wants to close it because he is scared. To do this in the first place took a lot of trust on your part and now he is turning it around on you and not giving you the same trust he expected you to give to him when this first started. This is why most people should stick to the fantasy and not think reality is going to be the same. He needs to accept that you now are a different person and it is his fault and he needs to be accepting and supportive of that. He needs to trust you. Talk to him and come up with a way to handle things so that you never develop an unhealthy relationship with another woman like the last one.
2006-07-07 09:35:29 · answer #4 · answered by rkrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WoW. That is alot. When you get into that territory bad things happen. He more then likley didnt think that you would start liking girls. Before it was all for him, to let him see it, but since you like girls now it is cheeting. Because you could see yourself with them. Before it was just to get him off. I know it sounds strange, but that is how a mans mind works
2006-07-07 09:33:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it's still cheating. I'll put it like this... Is it still cheating even if the other person gave me permission to look at their test?
2006-07-07 09:34:02 · answer #6 · answered by on my way 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it's not cheating....sounds like he's interested in swinging....give it a try, it can be fun....and can spice up ur love life!
2006-07-07 09:31:35 · answer #7 · answered by honey_bear_21_1999 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would imagine in God's eyes it's cheating.
2006-07-07 09:31:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you and your spouse shouldn't be married any more
2006-07-07 09:33:59 · answer #9 · answered by sarah r 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, he shouldn't have introduced you to it just to take it away.
2006-07-07 09:32:15 · answer #10 · answered by heidielizabeth69 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋