My friends daughter did something I can't just forget about...?

Question

My friend lives right down the street from us. He has 4 kids. One of his daughters is 7 and used to come over and play with my 7 year old daughter. That is, until I caught her pinching my 1 year old daughter. I think she's been doing this for awhile, cause my baby would cry a lot around her. I talked to my friend about it, and although he apologized (so did his daughter), he kind of blew it off and said "kids just do weird things like this". Now she still always wants to come over and play, like nothing ever happened. I always say no, I don't think it's fair to my baby. I'm really angry with this little girl, and I feel alittle mad at my friend for not doing anything to punish her, and still expecting her to be able to come over and play. Am I making a big deal out of this? How do I keep my friendship with all of this anger towards his little girl? Also, my daughter is friends with 2 of his other kids, should I allow them to still come over and not include the pinching brat?

It wasn't just a little pinch, she really squeezed hard and she had this weird, crazy look on her face. Also, before that, she was somewhat obsessed with the baby. She wanted to be around the baby more than my 7 year old. She always wanted to hold her, feed her, and so on. I called her my" future babysitter". I just don't get the pinching. Why she did it I'm not interested in, the point is, she did it to MY child.

Answer 1

No, I can understnd your maternal instinct to protect your baby at all costs. If you're not comfortable with the little girl there is no reason you should feel a need to let her into your home. Your baby could be hurt more seriously, or she could have a bad influence on your older daughter. You're totally within your rights to be angry and cautious.

Answer 2

Honestly, I understand that you are upset but I think you are making a big deal out of it. I'm sure everyone will tell you kids are kids. How can you be so mad at a child that is only 7? Don't you think you are being a little hard on the girl? And don't assume that she does this a lot.
Of course the little girl acts as if nothing ever happened and still expects to come to your house to play, she's a child. You did the right thing by confronting her parents but you should have sat down when you witnessed the pinching and explained to her that your child is a baby and pinching hurts her.
It really is no big deal. If after this, you hold a grudge against the 7 year old by allowing her siblings over and not her....would you really consider yourself an adult????
Take it easy on the girl and don't hold grudges against children. Give her another chance, if you see something like this again then you should ban her from the house.

Good Luck

Answer 3

Ok, slow down. You are taking this way out of proportion. Ok, so this little girl pinched your baby. Your baby is ok, right? They said they were sorry, right? Now you won't even let her play with your kids anymore? Come on, now. Kids do do things like that all the time, and truth be told, you won't always be there to protect your little one year old.
You can't hold a grudge forever. See, I heard this saying, and it's so true. Kids always get along with other kids, it's in their nature. It's the parent's that causes arguments and fights and what not. You are dividing them up b/c of one little pinch that you know of. (Now you say you THINK there have been more times) but you don't know for sure. I think you are letting your mind wonder and think worse than things really are. She is only 7, after all. Lighten up.

Answer 4

What will you do when your baby gets older and pinches or bites or kicks another kid? Children do stuff like that. Is it OK? No. What you do when they come to visit is keep an eye on your baby and the little girl. If she does it again with you guys watching her than you can tell your friend that you have a problem with the pinching and until the little girl grows out of it she can't come over again for awhile. Remember your child is just 1 and they rarely go through adulthood without doing something "awful" like this,

Answer 5

Have you bothered to give this kid a second chance? If she continues to pinch tell her that if she continues with that behavior, you'll have to talk to her father about it. If she pinches again, take her home immediately. Explain to your friend that you're concerned for the safety and well-being of your children, and if his child continues to pinch, she won't be welcome at your house. Kids really do weird things like that sometimes, but often it's acting out toward some inner feeling they are having. It could be that she's jealous of the attention that your children get from you. Another suggestion is getting all the kids together to play something as a group with you. That way everyone is included and you can keep your eye on the little crab. She may just be craving attention, it sounds like there are a lot of siblings she has to contend with at her house. Typically children pinch because they don't have any other ability to express their frustration. I'm sure you'd rather forget, but how many times did you have to tell your kids to stop doing something before they learned? I'll admit, 7 is pretty late to still be pinching, but it also may be something she learned from her older siblings. I can understand your frustration with your friend, but it may also be something he's been trying to deal with and is embarrassed about, so he blows it off rather than admitting that it's been a problem. Parents tend to think their own children can do no wrong.

My advice, give her another chance, and if it continues, sit down and have a heart to heart with the little one's dad.

Answer 6

I think you're over-reacting to this. She's 7, a kid. Let her come play with her friend, but the next time she comes over tell her that she's not allowed to pinch the baby. That it hurts the baby, and if she does it, she won't be allowed to come back over. And then keep the baby away from her. She's not a bad kid, and your friend is not a bad parent or friend. It really is no big deal, and I really don't think you have anything to worry about!

Answer 7

You are holding on to anger over a child! Do you hold on to your anger against your own kids when they do things to each other? This is not healthy, the father had his daughter apologize, and just because you feel it wasn't enough punishment doesn't it mean that it wasn't. She is HIS kid not yours, and you wouldn't want him to tell you how to punish your kids either. The child was told not to do it again, its a pinch for heavens sake...its not like she cut your daughter or something, try forgiveness, shes a child. I would let her come over but you should tell her up front, you can come to play as long as you are not going to pinch the baby....

Answer 8

It is so crystal clear that your daughters friend has anger issues.She is calling out for help by acting out this way. No you are not blowing this up it is your child that is getting hurt and you have every right to be concerned.
This child needs to be punished because she this is sending her the message that she can do anything and get away with it.
Maybe it is a phase but this child needs some help. The parents need some help too if they are brushing this off.
Your one year child is the victim and can't defend herself so as a parent you have to.
I would say until this child gets some help she can't come over to your house.
Yeah kids do weird stuff but not pinch a baby. That is so crazy!!
Where are you guys from? Cause my would have my hide.

Answer 9

Definitely forgive and forget.
We had the same thing happen here. It turns out (this was several years ago and now the girl can tell us better why she did it) that she pinched my baby son to make him start crying so that she could comfort him. She just wanted a reason to love on him. Also, she wasn't used to babies and wasn't sure how to act around them. I would talk to the girl and let her know that what she did was wrong and that she is never to do anythig to hurt the baby again. She's old enough to understand that.
Please don't take away your other children's friends because of a mistake by a child.

Answer 10

Let the girl come over again, but when she does - sit down with her first and tell her that she can't pinch. That in YOUR house, if pinching happens, then the person who does it goes to time out EVERY TIME they do it. If she wants to be with your family, she has to go by YOUR rules, and the consequences. Tell her that until she can show that she's going to be nice, she can't be around the baby at all. Keep the baby with you when she comes over and don't let her play with the baby. She will need to learn that it takes time for someone to trust again when they've been hurt (or pinched)- even moms and babies!

Make sure you let the girl's mother know that her daughter will have to abide by your rules when she is over. Tell your children that if they see her pinching or hurting someone, they need to tell you RIGHT AWAY. They have to learn to stick together and watch out for one another as siblings. Hopefully, the girl has this out of her system.

Answer 11

No, you are not over reacting. The first sign that there was a problem was when your baby was crying around the pincher. Don't let her come over. Yes, kids do weird things, but "pinching" is not weird, it is cruel and she needs to stop. If that little girl does come over, she will need to be supervised at all times. You didn't say where she was pinching the baby, but I am willing to bet that since she did it when no one was around that she knows already that she is doing something wrong and who knows what else that little girl is doing. Have your baby checked for sexual abuse if you feel it went that far. You never know.