Has anyone figured out how to get men to help out around the house?

Question

I just moved in with my fiance and I can't get him movtiated to help me do chores. I work from 8 until 5 everyday and he doesn't go to work until 1pm. He sleeps all morning and when I get home, nothing has been done around the house and there is a bigger mess than before I left. I don't want to nag him and have him thinnk that I am going to be a bad wife,but I am tired of having to end up doing everything myself. Can anyone out there give me some pointers?

Answer 1

You need to set the ground rules BEFORE you get married or else this will occur your whole married life. You need to sit down with him and (like you may have done with your siblings when you were younger) decide who will do what chores. He has to realize that you both work, therefore you both are responsible for keeping the place nice and clean. You can do a mix of things, whatever works for the both of you. For example, it's my husband's chores to take out the garbage and mow the lawn, while I always clean the bathrooms. We switch off on doing the dishes (he does it one day, I do the next), while laundry and vacuuming are done as needed by either of us (tired of looking at a dirty floor or spilled something, or else have no more clean socks). Many times we do chores together, like making supper, folding laundry, or just picking up the place (especially if someone is coming over!).

This plan will only work, however, if you have a "flexible" idea of what cleanliness is. If you expect the place to be spotless, then you may as well do it yourself. Some of my male married buddies have admitted that if their wives ask them to do something (like the laundry), they will intentionally do it badly so their wives won't ask them again. If you can live with him doing it "good enough," he will get better at it!

Good luck! Train him now! (hee hee)

Answer 2

I feel for ya! My fiance was the same way and sometimes still is. For one, you have to realize this is a man that we are talking about here, so he isn't going to do anything on his own without some incentive. Maybe cook topless for him (hehe works everytime), or just make his favorite meal. First, you reason with him, try to get his sympathy. This may work for a little while but don't hold your breath, it won't last. Don't try to give him a big list, just a few things like take the trash out or run the vacuum. I know it sounds really old fashioned, but sometimes you just have to suck it up and do it. Learn to pick your fights because starting a big fight about it is only going to make things worse. You have to show him you aren't going to do everything, and you just need a little help.

Answer 3

I've got news for you, he wasn't doing chores when you weren't living with him, was he??

People (not just men) either clean, or they don't. You moved in with your eyes wide open, or they should have been.

If it really bothers you, don't blame him because you moved into his space, and trust me, his space was what it was before you came in.

But, here's a solution: Try to divvy up the chores. A lot of couples I know do this. One will wash the clothes, the other will fold them. One will cook the meals, the other will clean up.

Think of something that the two of you can agree with. Come to terms with this. If this doesn't work, then tell him you're going to hire a once a week cleaning service, and have him foot the bill.

Answer 4

Decide what you want in a relationship. If he is a slob he will be a slob for the rest of his life. You might be able to get him to help by restricting sex, but he will end up resenting that.

Are you willing to be his mommy? 1. Don't live with a guy until you are married. 2. Look at the way he kept his house before you moved in. If it was a mess your house will be a mess. 3. Do you want to train a puppy? OK, perhaps you can marry him. 4. Just make enough money to afford an illegal alien to clean up your house.

Einstein said, "Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they won't. Both are doomed to disappointment."

Answer 5

I'll be checking back on the answers you get.

My problem is that I do all the laundry, cleaning and dishes.
So what if my wife is a doctor...we still have a house to keep clean and dog poop that needs to be picked up.

Heck - I've got my own 8-to-5 job and still have to maintain a clean house because she is too damn lazy to help.
And then when I stack a few magazines on the floor, she gets all bent out of shape because she can't stand the sight of ANYTHING in a pile.

Go figure!

I wonder how many GUYS have this same situation?

Answer 6

DONT MARRY HIM!!!! My husband is like this and hasnt changed in 10 years. I used to work over 50 hours a week and would have to come home home and pick up after him and the "experiments" he cooked in the kitchen- all while being 8 months pregnant. Don't do it. Talk to him, if he helps more, great. If not, move out. It dosent get any better. Trust me.

Answer 7

This may sound weird but bribary works really good, or might i say *rewards*. I had the same problem but now that my husband knows he will get a special reward for helping me out, I dont have to ask anymore. Some say it is not right but men work in mysterious ways. It was my last resort and it worked so Im glad. Hope this helps!

Answer 8

This is something that should've been discussed before you moved in with him...surely you knew then that housework wasn't something he held in high priority?

You can try talking to him and dividing up the chores to be done, but it may come down to the fact that an untidy place doesn't bother him, so he'll leave it up to you to tidy it if it troubles you...

Issues like this will just magnify after marriage...make sure you know what's in store, where the disagreements are, and what you can tolerate and what is a deal breaker, before ya walk down the aisle....

Or, you can try withholding sex until he does his chores...LOL!

Answer 9

Using a calm but strong voice look at him and say.. Look babe, we both have jobs, we both have laundry, and we both dirty the dishes. I love you but I will not be your mother. So there are 3 solutions..1) I quit my job and devote that time to the house..2) I clean my laundry and my dishes and you fen for yourself.. or 3) you start helping out. If he says "whatever" then act on your words. Only clean what you dirty. Mark your dishes if you have to. When he has no clean clothes and nothing to eat on he'll have to do something. Being someones wife does not mean your suppose to be barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen. If you don't fix this now it will eat at you until one day out of no where you'll just flip out on him and then you'll have a major issue on your hands.

Answer 10

Your lucky you caught this before you got married to him. Like a previous person answered let the house go to hell and force him to help. if you can't bring yourself to do that or ir doesn't work after you have already talked to him about it then move out and tell him you won't be his slave. Or simply only clean up the messes you make.