My mom isgetting married to a man who thinks he owns me. I've tried many ways to prevent this wedding, but was not successful. Now they're getting hitched July 8th. HELP ME!!!
2006-07-07 08:37:41 · 17 answers · asked by 29626 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My mom has married a man I severly dislike. He thinks he owns me (like a slave). As a 15 year old, how can I get around this major "flaw" in my life? (I do not like him.)
2006-07-09 14:40:13 · update #1
Do you love your mum? If so you have to try and understand her needs. Talk to her. She has the rest of her life to live with this guy - you will eventually leave home. Force a confrontation and you will be the protagonist.
It is almost always extremely hard for kids when parents remarry. Try and see it from all sides there are three here. Mum, boyfriend and you.
Force a bust up and all three of you will be hurt.
2006-07-07 08:45:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Few things.........first, what made you think you could prevent your moms wedding? I am sorry to hear you wasted any time on this instead of trying to talk with your mom about how you feel. Next, since there is no indication of your age, how can you expect an answer to the part about how he thinks he owns you? Has he been in your lives for a long time? Is he one of a succession of boyfriends your mom has dated? Are you still a minor? Is he abusive to you? Is your dad still a part of your lives?Too many variables to help you there. I have had my share of step parents, and from experience the worst thing they can do is try to be a "parent" in every sense of the word, and the best thing they can do is really and truly love your own parent. Your mom is a big girl, and probably looking forward to her wedding even if you are not. Try to be as supportive as you can, and dont ruin it for her. You will regret that for sure. Finally, please find an adult you love and trust whom you can speak honestly to about how you are feeling. I get the feeling there is more to this than this guy thinks he owns you. Good luck.
2006-07-07 15:47:40 · answer #2 · answered by m r 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You, mom, and the new husband need to sit down and discuss what is expected of you and each of them. He isn't your father but will have opinions and share authority in the home. He shouldn't punish you unless he is filling in for your absent father AND has good morals and values AND respects you AND also loves you AND interacts with you daily and HAS built up a good relationship with you before he tells you what to do or gives you any type of punishment! If he only speaks to you for punishment there will be problems for the entire family. Your mom needs to discuss with him the boundaries that he has with you and stick to it. You need to abide by the rules. It will help your mom and relieve stress from the situation. If he makes her happy, then it will great for you to show respect to both of them. IF HE ever does anything physically or emotionally to hurt you or your mom then you need to talk to her(if she says things will get better because she is afraid that it will get worse if she talks to him skip her and go to another adult that you trust: a family member, teacher, pastor, or friend's parents so you can be safe. I hope this helps you and your family get through the rough times, that always happen in the beginning, when step-parents/step-kids are involved. If everyone sticks to the plan, that you all agree to, then your family will grow and have a wonderful life.
2006-07-07 15:58:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I was 18, my mom married a guy that I didn't like. Granted he didn't try to control me. I moved out. (and out and in several times), but stayed somewhere else as much as possible.
You won't be able to prevent the wedding. You didn't mention how old you are or if your dad is your life, so my suggestions may or may not be of any help.
You can:
1. move in with your dad or another relative
2. if you are old enough, get a job and move out on your own.
3. if you are of college age, move away to college and stay in the dorm. They have plenty of scholarships, grants, etc you can apply for to help pay for this.
If you are too young, you may just be stuck where you are for now.
And as a side note: I now like my step-dad more than my mom like him.
An aquaintance of mine said this to me: if you were her age and your kids were old enough to move out, would you want to be alone?
2006-07-07 17:07:18 · answer #4 · answered by PATTY H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's not much you can do. Act polite and calm. Be sure that you are not in the room alone with him, so that any fights or something can be prevented. How old are you? What do you mean "act likes he owns you"? Where is your father? Can you stay with him?
Listen; what should happen for you to like this guy - really? Think it over: what and how would you like him to act and say for you to like him. I think it is a better strategy for you to talk to either your mom or him about this. Maybe you acting against them/him makes him worse than necessary?
Good luck to you
2006-07-07 15:42:48 · answer #5 · answered by Tones 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, you've got to support your mom, no matter what. You're not her mom so you can't control who she marries. You do, however, get to let her know how you feel about the situation, and whatever action she takes after that is on her. Secondly, LOVE him severely.......take the hatred that you have for him and turn it into love. It's not going to be something that you want you do, but i know it will work. I bet you that he treats you like that because he knows you hate him. Do something out of the ordinary.......love him. I guarantee that if you start being nice to him and start showing love to him his attitude toward you will change.
God Bless
2006-07-07 15:52:28 · answer #6 · answered by jcdunbar0312 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All you can do is just suck it up. My mother did the same thing. She left my step dad that practically raised me for a pastor that was married at the time they met and still flirted with her. I hate the guy, but I've learned to deal with him. I'll go and visit, but I never talk to him and probably never will. I visit my mom only!
2006-07-07 15:41:24 · answer #7 · answered by sundragonjess 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does your mom know this? If not, then you all need to talk. It's not going to stop the wedding, but...anything I would have to say would probably get you kicked out the house when they get married.
2006-07-07 15:47:38 · answer #8 · answered by King H 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to deal with him until he screws up, but as soon as you have proof of his mis treatment use it. they can get divorced not that I'd want that to happen. But to be sure have you talked to him he might not know how you feel. If he really loves your mom he has to love you. So try that too
2006-07-07 15:41:45 · answer #9 · answered by atotalditz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't do anything I'm afraid. Itf they love each other ...that;s all that matters! They're not going to STOP this wedding for you so you need to adjust!
2006-07-07 15:45:49 · answer #10 · answered by amylr620 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋