She is five and now she has started having behavioral problems and talking back and saying she hates me and I am the reason she doesn't have a home. Her grandparents and father are helping her learn all the renarks.
2006-07-07 08:17:36 · 39 answers · asked by beadiemae 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Take her to a counselor.. if you dont and she is having a really hard time with it, it can screw her up for life!
2006-07-07 08:19:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It doesnt matter what happened that has caused the divorce it is very important that your child remain in touch with both of you. A female child growing up without her father will have "male" issues when she is older. One only needs to look at our prison system to see so many little boys (who are adults on the outside)who didnt have a father and have deep unresolved issues. The female prison population is also expanding at an alarming rate. No matter whose at the core of the relationship disolving please push for a relationship to be maintained between father and daughter. She will go through a stage of "it's my fault that mommy and daddy arent together" that is nothing nice to handle as a parent. Because its not her fault but to a young mind our adult bs just doesnt make sense. And yes someone will end up being the whipping boy, in your case the "whipping girl" i will pray for you cause you are left with the unenviable task of being (it sounds like) the only adult in the equation. Ask yourself honestly: "is it my fault?" if the answer is no, then saddle up cause you're in for a rough ride. If the answer is yes, you're a self-centered blah, blah, blah then you also have some work to do. But somehow i think its the first one. The fact that the grandparents are encouraging this kind of behavior is unexcusable, no matter whose parents they are. They should be more mutual for the benefit of the grandchild if for no other reason.
2006-07-07 08:29:31 · answer #2 · answered by goldcrestmotors@sbcglobal.net 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try staying around her when she is with her father and grandparents, maybe bring along someone you can trust with you guys so that if an argument starts between you and her father/grandparents, the friend can pull her away so she doesn't witness it, because witnessing all of you fighting would just add to the problem. Also seeing a counselor is a very good idea, best would be for her to see one with both you and her father also. She needs to know that you both love her and will do what is best for her, and for her to be out of the divorce. Good Luck!
2006-07-07 08:40:40 · answer #3 · answered by bonngirl4645 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having her talk to someone outside of the situation is a good start. If her father's family are feeding information to her that causes her to feel like she is also against you then you have to speak to the father immediately and ask for some basic respect. Let him know how this is affecting your daughter and let him know that you will do whatever it is that is best for her, even if that is limiting their time together. Some people have to be penalized before realizing how inconsiderate they are. He's her father and has a right to spend time with her, but he has no right to disrespect you in front of her, regardless of why your getting the divorce.
2006-07-07 08:24:44 · answer #4 · answered by Lovinlife 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont take it personal, she is confused upset and angry. Sit her down and calmly explain to her that You and Daddy still love her very much and that you will always be her mom, and explain to her in terms of a five year old why you two couldn't be together anymore....... You can also take her to counseling which will help her, not just in understanding the situation at hand but also help her deal with her frustrations in a healthy manner, instead of screaming I HATE YOU!! at you everytime you tick her off. I am sharing this with you from the point of your daughter, I went throught the same thing only at age 6. Also explain to her that you know she loves her daddy very much and you arent making him go away that she can see him whenever she wants, if it helps, hand her the phone EVERY NIGHT and let her call him.
2006-07-07 08:26:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been through a divorce when i was 7. I believe it's normal for the kid to stick with one of the parent because they need some kind of answer to the divorce. They have to blame one or the other for it. I remember i felt very insecure and i stuck with my dad for a while. I believe the best thing to do for my mom was to comfort me and give me a great second home. It was also hard for me at first because she had a new man in her life and i didn't like him at all. Once i got in early teenage years, things changed and i moved in with my mom. I believe it's a question of time and never giving up on loving your children. Make them feel happy!
2006-07-07 08:25:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
try your best to keep her out of it even if your ex and his parents are not. constantly reassure her that you love her and always will no matter how her behavior is. her behavior problems have everything to do with your relationship troubles. she doesn't understand and it is not helping that the people that are supposed to love her the most are pulling her in the middle.
keep your head high. one day that child will figure it out on her own. just don't stoop to the level of her father and grandparents.
speaking from experience, coming from a divorced family, my parents separated when i was 5 and didn't keep us out of the middle and fed our heads will all sorts of crap and now as an adult i remember all the things that shouldn't have been shared with children during a divorce.
hang in there and love your child no matter what other people are filling her head with. you will rise above it.
2006-07-07 08:25:45 · answer #7 · answered by tnincy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She just doesn't understand what is going on. Having grandparents and a father who do not act like adults is difficult too. You really should talk to them and let them know how their words are having an impact on her, and tell them if they really cared about her that they would be supportive and not have her ruin the relationship that she has with you.
2006-07-07 08:22:09 · answer #8 · answered by Justsyd 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get her some counseling, quick!! I went through this myself (my daughter was 5 and my son was 3 1/2) It's not easy ... just tell her all the time you love her -- and it's OK for her to be mad and upset. I feel for you -- it's not easy. It took my kids about a year to get right. Give her lots of hugs .. but don't bend when it comes to discipline! Let her know back talk and acting out won't be tolerated!! Make sure she remembers who's in charge and what the rules are! Just make sure to listen to her - tell her you know she is hurting and talk about it, give her lots of love and make sure your ex and in-laws are commited to helping your daughter gain her stability and happiness .... Good luck!
2006-07-07 08:27:25 · answer #9 · answered by tinthelbc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you need to take control of your child. She should NEVER talk to you that way you are her Mother! Explain to her that in order for HER to be happy, Mom and Dad have to be happy too and being together does not make Mom and Dad happy so you had to separate. Remind her that she is NOT to disrespect you or talk back to you and if she continues to, she will be punished. I know you are trying to be extra kind to her during this hard time, but people do divorce, its life, you cannot let your child control your life. Good luck.
2006-07-07 08:22:09 · answer #10 · answered by Girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went thru a divorce years ago with three sons ... The Only Answer Is LOVE
2006-07-07 08:20:13 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋