My boyfriend cheated on me last year with someone he did not know. (supposedly) I forgave but did not forget. I am completely jealous everytime he is even in the same room with another female. I am insecure and seem to compare myself to everyone now. I am deeply hurt by this and feel that he has not been completely honest about the situation. Lately i've been catching myself checking out other men, and i feel that maybe if i cheat it will even the score? Or at least make me feel better. am i wrong??? We have a son together and he always says he has changed and only wants me. but am i lowering my standards staying with him??? If he wanted me he should have never strayed. Right?
2006-07-07 07:40:31 · 9 answers · asked by drea 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
revenge is for the WEAK! grow up, let it go, and move on.
2006-07-11 08:02:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey you will never forget. But if you really forgave then you have to move on. Him cheating on you could have been just a stupid move in his life and nothing to do with you. Find your pride again and hold your head up high, and if you feel he is being faithful now and try to trust him. If he does it again get rid of him.
Do not cheat on him to get even. I think it is worse to be the cheater than the one who got cheated on. Don't put that on your concious because that will eat at you so bad, and it is not the right thing to do. 2 wrongs don't make a right. You may never know the whole thing about the situation that happened, but you know, that might be better. You chose to forgive, now love and show him the wonderful strong woman that he has!
2006-07-07 07:48:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
DON'T cheat on him. By doing that you are lowering yourself to his level. There is a chance he has changed. But question? If he says you are the only one for him and you two have a sun toether why don't you get married? Oh and sit down with him and tell him how you feel. DO NOT accuse him of cheating again. But tell him about your jealousy issues. If he really has changed tehn he would be more than happy to figure out a way to help you with that. Maybe never be in a room alone with a girl or something!
2006-07-07 07:47:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The forgetting part is usually the hardest to do in a situation of infidelity between partners. As far as your concerned, right now, that other woman will always stand between you and your partner.
Not one of us would shrug it off as a simple matter, easily solved. But this is a problem and it needs to be dealt with. This is serious and saying " sorry " just doesn't cut it. " Sorry " is not a magic formula.
On the other hand, love provides a very strong motive for forgiving. If you love your b/f, you just cannot throw him away like dirty clothes. True, you are angry and you certainly must feel that forgiving isn't going to be easy. But you also agree that in the long run it will hurt more to lose your b/f.
Revenge: " Can a man hold fire against his chest and not be burned ". Jumping into the same bath water will not solve your problem, honey. I'm sure deep down you know that repeating the problem will only create more unhappiness for both of you. Don't go there, sweetie, if you want to salvage what you already have. Two wrongs don't make a right.
But what's to be done about the existing problem? You said that you forgave him, I see the problem as, " you forgave him " but " you can't forget " the problem. What your really saying is you can overlook the injury to yourself but you can't really forgive it. That's not really forgiving, is it? You just can't forget what your b/f has done to you.
What you really need, honey, is not shock treatment but healing to the wound to cure the infection and take out the pain. This my dear, is called " forgetful forgiveness ". Whenever the incident comes to mind again, you don't want to live it over again. What's past is past; it can't be undone. But the effect of it can be changed by forgiveness.
True forgiveness has wonderful healing powers. It will restore your eyesight to enable you to see yourself much more clearly.
The person who cannot forgive must be blind to his own faults. He has never done anything that needed to be forgiven. But when we truly see ourselves, we discover that all of our life others have been forgiving us. And besides, every day your b/f is probably overlooking faults that you've haven't noticed. Plus, when you don't forgive your vision is distorted and everything is out of focus. Your boyfriend's faults are made larger and any good points about him will be blurred. You will not be able to see the guy who says he loves you.
Forgiving will bring your perspectives back into focus. Until your forgiveness is complete, the healing you so need will be put on hold. Keep in mind that forgiveness is total acceptance. This includes acceptance of the injury and of your suffering and most importantly, acceptance of your b/f who caused the hurt.
To forgive is to give yourself, asking nothing in return. It is to love where hate would be your natural response. It pardons your b/f, who deserves only punishment and it also frees him from the burden of guilt.
Please remember that forgiveness is not just sorting out the past and laying it to rest. Forgiveness is reaffirming trust. It will require hard work before your relationship with your b/f begins to flourish again.
When you truly forgive, you give up all rights to compensation. The pardon is free, but that does not mean that your b/f should not make amends. I mean that forgiveness is phoney if it leaves either one of you feeling superior over the other. And if you force your b/f to be grateful because you forgave him, then that dearie is false forgiveness.
You cannot mold your b/f to fit your needs.
" I will continue to be open with you."
" I will not erect barriers to protect myself"
" You have the freedom to fail again and still be forgiven."
Good Luck
2006-07-07 10:06:39 · answer #4 · answered by trieghtonhere 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont lower yourself to his level. Cheating is not a good idea no matter what. What you can do, if you have a mind to, is dump him, get a new man really quickly, and let him wonder if you were cheating on him. There is something you are missing in the relationship if you want to cheat. Also, when the trust is gone, so is the relationship.
2006-07-07 07:46:12 · answer #5 · answered by skigod377 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, two wrongs definitely do not make a write. i say, if you feel that you must cheat be prepared for the consequences cause nothing good will come out of it. I mean, you mentioned last year that he did the deed and I can imagine how pissed you were when you found out but wouldn't that just add fuel to the fire if you did a revenge sex with someone else?
2006-07-07 07:46:59 · answer #6 · answered by Man_With_No_Name 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
revenge is never a good idea. maybe you should work on your insecure issues 1st. if you feel revenge would make you feel better..maybe you two shouldn't be together. and NO you aren't lowering your standards by staying wit him. If you love him and have truly forgiven him...then stay & try to work things out. Let him know how you truly feel about all this. Maybe him knowing how you feel could help your insecurity issues?? GOOD luck! :-)
2006-07-07 07:45:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He cheated, why did you take him back? Is cheating so normal now that women swallow their pride and let a cheater back in their lives. You brought this on yourself by taking him back. You cheating isn't going to solve anything, it's just going to make matters worse. Two wrongs don't make a right.
2006-07-07 07:45:53 · answer #8 · answered by johnsonjrod 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is a loser that cheated. u deserve better!! leave him.
first cheat on him then leave his a-s-s
2006-07-07 07:42:57 · answer #9 · answered by TK #11 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋