I am scared to get married?

Question

Ok Im have been with this guy for about 5years. I am in love. I just turned 21 and we are engaged. I am scared to get married cause I do not want to end up getting a divorce cause I am religious and I believe u should get married once. Even though I dont judge other people! Somethings he does I cannot stand is that normal and what should I do????

Answer 1

Only get married when you're really really sure. Sounds like cold feet, but only you know for sure. If something is telling you don't get married, perhaps it might be a message... don't get married.

Answer 2

I think this is a good example as to why you need to be very careful about getting married young. I applaud you for listening to your fears. Personally, I would put the engagement on hold because you still have a lot of growing up to do at that age. I got married at 21, and I am a very different person now, 5 years later. It has taken a lot of work to keep the marriage together, and we've been lucky, but most wouldn't. I'd wait. Discover who you are and what you want to do with your life before getting married.

You're 21, which means that nearly 1/4 of your life has been spent dating this one guy. When you consider that most people don't start actually dating til 14 area, that means of your dating life, you've spend over 70% of your dating life with ONE person. This doesn't mean that he is the one, it just means this is the only person you've been exposed to. Just consider these facts.

Answer 3

There's always going to be things about your husband that will drive you up the wall. And marraige is not easy at all but the thing is to have the mindset where you are 100% committed to the marraige even if sometimes you want to just give up and let go. I've been married for 10 years and my husband has 100 things that drive me crazy. But there's something he has that no man i've ever known has. We have fought, we have thought of divorce but every time we've made it through those horrible times we get so much closer. The love I had for him when we married was strong but it does not even compare to the love that has grown between us over the last 10 years. If you love him and you're ready to settle down I think you should do it. Follow your heart.

Answer 4

Wow! Am I glad I read your question! I am in a similar situation. I'm 23 and am getting married in Oct. I'm scared too, and there are things about my man I cant stand. I'm also scared of divorce. My parents were divorced when I was four, my mother re-married and later divorced again. But I know I'm in love with him.....and we are going to be together no matter what, so I'm jumping in.....head first. You're young but perfectly normal. Good luck! I wish you the best.

Answer 5

Yes it is normal to be annoyed by him from time to time. You are 2 different people and things are by no means going to be perfect. Believe me I know. If it is something you dont want to do, dont do it but if you really love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him, go for it. If the things he does bother you so much, try talking to him about them. Communication is the first step to a happy marriage.

Divorce doesnt always come from something pre existing. Anything could happen to cause a divorce, you just have to know how to try and work them out.

And by the way, everyone has doubts about getting married, it is called *cold feet*

Answer 6

You could always do a 'commitment ceremony'; it is not legally binding. You are very young yet, and if you're at all unsure, DO NOT get married. It is normal for your man to get on your nerves at various points. If you weren't religious (I'm assuming Christian) then you could have a Wiccan Handfasting performed; this ceremony states that you shall remain together "as long as love shall last" which is much more sensible than being shackled to someone for life if you don't want that. But you can come up with some sort of ceremony that does not bind you legally to him.

Answer 7

I'm a divorce attorney. Few people are ready for marriage at 21. If you want to be really careful, wait until you are 30 until you get married. Your judgment and taste will be more secure and developed then. Otherwise, you may join the crowd (56% divorce rate).

Answer 8

I was in your exact situation only 3 years ago. I mean exactly age and everything. I walked away and it was the best thing. I had NO idea what I really wanted then. People always told me that when I turned 21 I would change and I didn't believe them. They were right. I changed like you wouldn't believe. I have a boyfriend now and we are VERY happy. Don't sell yourself to someone until you have seen what else is out there. (and if you are really religious that doesn't have to mean sex.)

Answer 9

Even though you have been with him for 5 years, you are 21. The two of you are going to develop into you "selves" over the next few years. You views about life are going to change as you work your way into the "real" world. I would give it some time. If you really love each other, what's the rush to get married?

Answer 10

First of all relax. There's nothing written any where that you have to get married at a specific time to a specific person. I personally view marriage the same, unfortunately it didn't agree with me. I was married, but my sweet Innocent husband soon turned into an overbearing, control freak. My advice, follow your heart and your head equally. Don't marry him just because you love him. While loving and being loved is great, sometimes it's just not enough.

Answer 11

I think you should take more time to reach a decision. It is not a good idea to get divorcee. I guess its too much of mental pressure. It is more wise to spend more time with the person and try to know him better. You have already spent five years and you still feel that there could be a difference between both of you.
Talk more about different issues where you think you might have a conflict before you go for marriage. I guess conversation always help to resolve many things.