What should I do with this man?

Question

I have known this man for the past seven years. I have thought there was a interest between us. He was married at the time. Now he's divorced. I've asked him if he's interested in dating and he say's "I don't want to ruin our friendship". Then he turns around and starts hitting on me. I can deal with the fact if he's not interested, but it's frustrating to play see-saw with it.

I think he's scared, since he's been married three times. I've been married twice. One thing I have learned is that if a man isn't interested, then he's not. He doesn't flirt or lead a person on. Then again, if a person is interested, they will flirt and ask you out.
This one is different. He's a little of both. What do you think? Should I just give him time. Since divorces are hard and time is needed to heal. It's been about 8 months. Or should I just say see ya!?

I'm interested to see anyones opinion. Thanks.

Actually, I have asked him if he's interested in me. The 1st time we were drunk. Naturally, I didn't get an answer. The 2nd time; he said that he really didn't know. The 3rd time, I asked him, I was direct and to the point. I told him he didn't even have to give any explainations, just yes or no. I figured if you're not, here's the time to do it. I told him it wouldn't ruin our friendship if he said no, I just wanted to know. I'm still waiting on that answer, 1 week later. His first divorce ended cause he was in the service and wasn't home becuase of it. The second time was right after the first, which was a mistake. The third time was bcause his daughter wanted to live with him, and his first wife wouldn't let her until he was married. He's never lied to me. And I have no right to judge him having been married 3 times if I've been there twice myself. I think he's been really hurt. I know it took me 11 years to want to go out with someone, and it's him. :\

Answer 1

give him time. it takes awhile to get over divorce. just be there for him and flirt back but dont push the relationship issue. just be friends and hang out maybe in time one thing will lead to another.

Answer 2

First of all why did he have 3 divorces? if u know him u should be able to find this out. If its b/c he has been unfaithful u should realize that he is just not ready to settle down and he wants to keep his options open. U need to really watch out for someone like this b/c he will continue to lead u on just and so he can have u on the side if another woman doesnt fall through. I know the type i was with plenty of them. And dont let him use the divorce thing as a pitty party. I have also been divorced i know. But now if he was an honest good husband and the wife was unfaithful just the wife???? He maybe scared to get into another relationship b/c he doesnt see it working b/c his others didnt work. I would have to say just stay friends until u can monitor him and see how he acts with other women around.

Answer 3

Personally I would go to this guy and ask him straight up what is going on? I would explain what you are sensing from him which are mixed signals bc he said that he doesn't want to ruin a relationship but you feel like he is flirting with you at the same time. I would just tell him all of that and ask him what he wants to do? I mean "Am I reading it all wrong?", "Are you or are you not flirting with me?", "Do you want to pursue this thing (dating)?", "Do you need more time to move forward?" and hopefully you will get some clear-cut answers. If he just wants to remain friends then you should ask him to stop (what you consider to be) flirting with you. If he wants to be friends with benefits then that is up to you but it sounds as though he is either confused, unknowingly sending mixed signals, or wants a relationship but no commitment. Good Luck to you!

Answer 4

You give him far too much credit, darling! You say he doesn't want to mess up a friendship but keeps hitting on you anyway? His three divorces might give us a clue as to his reliability as well as to how he thinks and acts.

So what exactly is it that draws you to him? It can't be stability or committment or his value of relationships.

You should ask yourself some pretty serious questions before you ask anymore about him?

Answer 5

You should straight up ask him. Tell him openly what you told us, what your thinking and find out what he is really thinking. That is the best, open honest communication no guessing or having to ask what other strangers think, just straight up with that person.

Answer 6

hmmm. this is something you want to find out from him why the mix signals? it's better to know where both of you stand instead of guessing game. be clear and precise. both of you'd been hurt before.

Answer 7

Go for it; life is too short.