My boyfriend is going to iraq in a week. He wont talk to me. What do I say to him? How do I handle this?

Question

He loves me, and we plan on getting married when he gets back. I know that. Just for some reason he is really closing himself off from me lately. I understand he's probably scared. I'm scared.
But we've always been able to talk. And he's been a HUGE dick to me lately, for nothing. I just keep waiting for him to be okay again, but I'm not so sure that when he gets back he'll be the way he was. The way we used to be. What should I do? is there anything I can say? Just to make him feel better, before he leaves? Just for a day?

He loves me, and we plan on getting married when he gets back. I know that. Just for some reason he is really closing himself off from me lately. I understand he's probably scared. I'm scared.
But we've always been able to talk. And he's been a HUGE dick to me lately, for nothing. I just keep waiting for him to be okay again, but I'm not so sure that when he gets back he'll be the way he was. The way we used to be. What should I do? is there anything I can say? Just to make him feel better, before he leaves? Just for a day?
I've tried to talk about this countless times with him, he just gets irritated and says when I talk like that he feels like I don't want to be with him or something, or that he's fine and I need to stop worrying.

Answer 1

Listen honey, you need to give him his space right now. He is trying to cope with a huge issue and he is probably scared like you said. Guys do not want to admitt to their girls that they are afraid. This is why he is closing off to you. He is also afraid of how much he is going to miss you so he is unconsciensly shoving you away now. Just understand his unspoken message of needing space and the knowlege you will love him regardless of what is happening right now, and that your love will not change for him when he gets back.

Yes, this is going to change him. I am sad about this with our young men. However, this is what he has chosen and you chose him. So, you need to work with him. Give him his space, show him you love him by doing that for him right now. You are both young and sometimes relationships need to be left alone. There are times in relationships when it is important to just hold on as tight as you can and flow with the changes. When he gets back is time to worry about any changes he may have undergone. He needs to know he is not going to lose you. He knows he is going to be gone a while and he is worried you will not wait for him or want him when he gets back.

Sometimes a relationship needs a hero. Sometimes it is one and other times it is the other. Right now it needs to be you. He is more scared and worried right now than you are. You are not facing the possibility of being killed or not coming back. Just hold him and love him. While he is gone write to him about your life, of how deeply you love him and will wait for him till the end of time. Just continue to reasure him. When he gets back be prepared for changes and try to flow with the changes. He is going to need a shelter in the storm. Be his shelter and when you need one he will be yours too. When he gets back is time to worry about how or who he is then.

Women have waved goodby to men going off to war for centuries. You need to show a brave face and just hold on and love him. Give him his space and he will love you all the more for it. Be brave for him when he is feeling so scared. Be his shelter in the storm and be strong enough to change as life changes. Move forward with him. Life never stays the same, if it did it would be stagnet and that is not tolerable. Grow with him, not against him or away from him. Don't try to force things on him he is not prepared to deal with right now. What you have said has inevertently made him think you are not strong enough or your love is not strong enough to hold on to him. That is a huge mistake. Do not allow your youth to ruin this love between the two of you. Hold on tight, allow the changes, flow with him during this trying time. If you can not do this thing, now is the time to find out. He is a warrier, that is the life he has chosen. Can you live life with a warrier? If not you need to find out now and get out so he can move on to somebody who can. it is not an easy life, it can be so hard to watch your man leave for war and not know if he will return and what he will be like after he has to kill somebody or watch people die. He needs you strong. He needs you to understand when he needs space to deal with this type of life stress, strain, and fear. He sounds like a strong man and a good man. This is a period where you can show him you are fit to be the wife of a warrier or if you are not. If you are he will marry you when he comes back. If you are not, perhaps it is best to tell him now, or at least let yourself find out if you can deal with this type of life. He can provide a good life for you and any children you two have, but it will not be an easy road. Life with a warrier is never easy. Women once did not have choice in this, all men had to be warriers or their families would die. You have a choice in this, as all did not years ago. Make a decision and stick by it.

Give him his space, show respect for his needs, and he will do the same for you . Only tell him you feel pushed away. That you fear he does not love YOU. Tell him you need his love right now, even if not converstaion about the serious issues. HE has to face war, but you face it with him as his woman. Tell him that. Tell him you respect his need for space but that you need to feel loved and wanted especially now before he leaves. Tell him you will not discuss the war or the leaving, just ask him to hold on tight to you as you want to do with him. Tell him you want to give him his space, but you need to feel his arms around you and his love wrapped around your heart and soul and you hope he feels your wrapped around him too. Leave it at that. Then write happy letters, do not stress him out with issues on the home front he can not fix or help you with. That will make him go nuts out there on the lines. A man feels helpless when he can't help his woman or family. So don't burden him with negitives only send him positives. When he comes home you can tell him about the most difficult things you dealt with but leave the smaller ones quiet. You dealt with them, he is dealing with our keeping us safe and free.

I hope you are strong enought to be a warriers woman. I think you are. Good luck with this and Blessed Be.

Answer 2

I know this is hard because ive had to do it before. Men go through this phaze where they look at everything that is going on before they leave to war. In not doubting that he loves you but right now you remind him of everything in this world that his could (god forbid) lose.

he needs time to figure thigns out. Dont dissappear even though it seems like he doesnt want you there he does. Just not all up in his face. Its will be akward and scary but you have to be brace for him.

Try getting together a care package that you can send out the minute that he leaves. give him somethign symbolic... (he always gives you a lily...send him a fake one) etc....

Let him know that he is loved!!!!!!!!!! Send him letters once a week .... he may not send as many back but it definately makes a difference to him.

My brother spent two years over there and I sent him probably about a hundred letters. He sent probably three or four back .....

when he got home I asked him if he got the letters and why he didnt write to me. We went upstairs and he shwoed me the trunk he had brought home with him. It was filled with every letter that anyone sent to him. Those letter meant a lot but he never had the time to write.

Good luck. Remember he'll be home soon.

Answer 3

Right now he is scared of the future, with you, in Iraq, and when he gets back. Let him know your feelings, make sure he knows, and understands. All you can do right now is be supportive, I know that is hard to do, but that is the best thing for him.
You need to think about positive things, keep comunications open between you, and reinforce your feelings to him.

This "Funk" will pass, it is just the jitters before going in. but the most important thing you can do- is talk to him- he needs you more now than you will ever know (but he won't tell you that). Just keep talking to him- it will level out.

I know this first hand- 2 tours in Afghanistan, and currently in month 11 in Iraq.

Answer 4

this is a hard situation and i know because I'm with someone in the military. something that you have to understand is that people in the military have to have time to prepare themselves before deployment and even though they may seem distant, they still love us. I'm sure he loves you with his whole heart and that hes just scared for himself and for you. sit him down just once more and tell him that you are here for him and you love him and he has nothing to worry about. im sure he's a little scared that you might not be here when he gets backs. so just reassure him. if hes not wanting to talk then stop there. just at least tell him that you love him and he has nothing to worry about. being with someone in the military is a rough job. i know cause its my life.. i live this life everyday. the hardest job is to be a military mans wife.

Answer 5

Write him a letter giving him SUPPORT for what he is about to go do, telling him you love him and can't wait for him to go home

he is facing a level of stress right now that you can't possibly understand. YES you are sympathetic and you are scared, but you aren't the one who is leaving. CONSIDER getting counseling - there is counseling available for family and friends of those in the service to deal with your fears and anxieties. Do NOT lay that burden on him! He needs to know that you LOVE him and want him to come home and that you are PROUD of him. If he won't talk to you, tell him these things in a letter, and make sure he has pictures of you to take with him.

Answer 6

Just try to talk to him. I know that it is very scary for both of you. But he might jsut be trying to distance himself so that he won't miss you so much when he leaves. He has to put on his game face and he can't do that if he is heartbroken over you. Fighting with you probably makes things easier for him. But tell him how you are feeling, and that it is hurting you. And you two will make it through this. Just don't do anything bad while he is gone, and don't fight with him online. It only puts every one on edge.

Answer 7

hes not scared to go to iraq he is nervous and has alot of things on his mind but you dont understand that, you are making it worse by wanting to talk to him and figure things out, there is nothing to figure out, he needs time to deal with this and he doesnt need you on his back attacking him and hounding him. let him have his time and just be there for him, dont expect anything when he gets back , hes going to be going thru so much over there and he doesnt need to come home and you nagging him again to get married, be patient with this guy. you could never understand in a million years what he is going thru. good luck.

Answer 8

tell him that the time you have together now before he leaves for a while is precious and that you guys should spend it together making the most out of it. also tell him that when he gets back, you'll still love him and nothing will change between the two of you.

Answer 9

It'll be hard to cheer him up. Iraq wasn't fun, I've been there. Just try and talk to him, if he blows you off, then girl you need to get to work on turning your back and walking away now, before your hurt worse later. Trust me.

Answer 10

hes nervous and scared!!! and i would be to. he probaly dont know how to handle leaving the people he loves. hes probaly scared he wont return. just remind him how much you love him.
and just smile even though you are worried sick about what hes doing. just give him a positive look towards his return. donty arugue with him. just smile and be there for him. hes going through alot right now. theres alot of men that dont know how to handle there emotions while us ladies cry it all out. hes trying to be strong therefore you be strong for him. god bless him, and keep him safe

Answer 11

dont' push it.seriously. he's scared right now.He can't say for sure what will happen and if he will even get to come home (God forbid) but maybe he's building awall right now.that will make it easier for him to leave and maybe make it easier for you when he leaves.He is dealing with alot on his plate right now.Just don't take it to heart honey.......he don't mean it but it's his way of getting ready so it dont' hurt so much.He loves you i don't doubt that.Just ride it out.It will be ok when he comes home and everything is normal.