My wife dislikes my father, and she won't let our son spend time with my parents alone. What should I do?

Question

My parents are good people; my wife simply doesn't see eye-to-eye with them on many issues. My wife, of course, finds her own mother to be right about everything. Her unwillingness to compromise upsets me to no end.

Answer 1

that is a terrible situation for your wife to put your SON in..she is being very selfish....try communicating with her again. good luck

Answer 2

I won't say that your wife is right in not allowing the grandparents see the children, however, I do understand about the not allowing them to spend time alone with them. If your parents don't see eye to eye with your wife on things, how can your wife trust that the rules that are put in place for your children will be followed! I went through this with my own parents...We sat down and talked about it, and came to a very clear understanding. I had some rules, when my kids were younger that I was not willing to compromise on, and there were others that I would let go, as long as they were only followed at Grandma's and Grandpa's. Now my kids are all the better for it, because they have a very loving relationship with their grandparents, and the grandparents get to see my kids.
Find out what it is that your wife and parents disagree on, and see if they can come to some compromise on the rules.

Answer 3

Tough situation! If she wants your son to have a good relationship with your parents she´ll have to let them spend time together. No matter weather she likes them or not, they are family and both have the right to being with each other. She´s not just depriving them but your son!
All animosities aside, she needs to step back and assess the situation again or she will hurt them and ultimately herself. If there is actually an issue that might endanger your son while being with your parents then that´s a different situation but if there is no such issue she should sit down with your parents and talk to them about how she has a hard time letting your son spend time with other people.
I think the best way of getting something out of this for everyone is that your parents get some ground rules from your wife and accept them. She needs to be able to dictate certain things for spending time with your son!
Examples are (purely fictional :-D):
- nobody physically disciplines my son, no matter what
- my son does not like orange juice with pulp, don´t force him to drink it
-you can not drive anywhere with my son because I think you are unsafe drivers so live with my decision or don´t spend time with him
- close all the upstairs windows so he can´t climb and fall out
- never let him be unsupervised in the back yard
- don´t let him play on the street without you being there
etc, etc....

stuff like that - it might sound tough but those might be her biggest issues!
We never had those issues fortunately but my parents actually asked me about my ground rules when they started watching our youngest daughter when I´m at work and I was so grateful for that! They would never slap or spank my kids, ask me before making decisions, tell me before they take trips etc.
My children and my parents have the greatest relationship and it is worth more than a million bucks lottery win to me.
I remember so much about spending time with my grandparents once a week when I was younger!!! We used to walk down to the river and feed the swans and ducks, then go to the playground etc...
Your son can only benefit from being with his grandparents and you and your wife should have a 50/50 say on this. Unless there are real safety issues she is damaging everyones relationship in the family with her stubbornness!
Find out what her real issues are - simply disliking your father can´t be the whole truth. Then start negotiating!
Good luck on this, I hope your son gets to spend some time with them soon!!!

Answer 4

I sort of understand. I HATE (with a passion) my husbands mother. I wouldn't want our children around his mom because she is very evil and would say many mean things about me. She would give our children complexes, she would show her racists, judgemental side, she would do all the things that made me hate her.

So if your father is that type of person, then I completely understand why your wife would not want those ideas to influence your child. But if it's a matter of your wife just doesn't like your father then she is wrong and you should step up and put your foot down. But if your father is anything like my mother in law, then you have to understand where you wife is coming from.

Answer 5

You guys need to have a long talk and maybe see a family counselor who can help you work together to find a solution. She might need some convincing that some of the issues she disagrees with your parents on are not that big. Spending a little time alone with them is not going to influence your child's mind much, and the child needs to see different points of view to grow healthily, anyway.

Answer 6

Although your wife is allowed her opinions, she does not have the right to disallow a relationship with your son's gradparents. Let your wife know her opinion is hers to have but your son, who I am assuming likes to visit his grandparents, should not suffer a lack of family bonding due to this. Your opinion matters too! This is also your son, not hers alone. The decision of who your child spends time with falls on 2 sets of shoulders. Yours! and hers. Make your unhappiness very very known. It may make your wife angry, but take your son to see your parents regardless of what she says. She has no grounds other than "not seeing eye-to-eye" with them for a tangible arguement.

Answer 7

You guys are going to have to compromise somehow. If she persist on driving a wedge between you and your family, it isnt going to do anything but tear it apart in the long run. let her know that you are going to start taking your kids to your parents house just as much as she make take them to hers, and if this turns into a problem, then you might want to go talk to a counselor about it because it will only be a burden on your marriage.

If she doesnt see eye to eye with them, then she doesnt have to be there, plain and simple.

Answer 8

Is that you honey? No, this sounds like me, I will not let my child see his paternal grandparents, because they make no effort to see my child. His family are low class, and have no morals, although my husband is a wonderful upper middle class man, and he takes care of me and my son. His family are embarrassing to be around, and like I said, they have NEVER came to our house. They even ignored him at Christmas AND his birthday. So, no I will not let my child have a relationship with his paternal grandparents. Ask your wife for specifics on why she won't let your son spend time with his grandparents. You might be surprised at what she has to say, and agree whole heartily with her. Don't make it into a fight. Just sit down and talk over some coffee and ask her some questions, and ask her to be honest with you. Good luck

Answer 9

If she can't come up with a better reason than "I just don't like them" then there is no reason why you can't take your child to visit your parents yourself. She would have to prove they are potentially abusive or neglectful in some manner to have a leg to stand on in this argument.

And yes, someone asked if your child likes spending time with your parents. If your child doesn't like it for some reason, this should be explored.

There is such a thing as grandparental rights. I hope your parents don't have to end up suing her to get what they deserve: time with their grandchild.

Answer 10

Have you actually physically sat down with your wife and asked her why she doesn't want your children to be alone with your father. There may be a reason that you just don't see. If you just argue about it and don't actually TALK than things will never get resolved.

Answer 11

If there is no good reason for her not wanting the kid over your parents then just take them over there. Don't ask her. just take him. This is part of your son's family and he has every right and need to learn who they are and spend time with them. If she don't get that than just say, if he cant be with my parents then he can't be with yours.