I can't explain my whole story here, but the problem is this. I've been married for 15 years to my first love. We have had our share of ups and downs. I love him with all my heart, but he drinks a lot, his sister is making my life impossible and he returned with a mistress after i forgave him 3 years ago. We have 3 wonderful kids, honor roll students, and he is the greatest dad anyone can wish for. His family is rich (they have cattle ranches) and the kids love their life as it is, going to the farms, and helping the cowboys. That is their future, but i am tired of forgiving. I am extremely good looking, tall, educated, speak 4 languages, stay at home, and everybody says i am a wonderful wife, and seems he is the only one not realizing it. I want out, soon, but i don't want to be the one to blame for tearing apart my kids lives. He says he loves me (and people tell me they can see it in his eyes), but even if he left her, my heart is aching so bad. What can i do?
2006-07-07 06:34:32 · 15 answers · asked by ashley j 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Please, e-mail me if you can help me make up my mind. We came back yesterday from a "honeymoon" trip, and i found out he started seeing the woman 2 weeks ago.
2006-07-07 06:35:59 · update #1
You need to get out. You can't be blamed for breaking up your kids lives when your husband is the one who is drinking and having affairs. You said yourself that people tell you that your a good wife well how can you be blamed. If they want to take it as to blaming you well you are doing the best thing for your kids and getting out of a bad marriage. You don't want your kids to grow up thinking that it's ok to stay in a marriage where you get cheated on and stay with someone that treats you like that. Don't stay in it for the kids. They will see that your unhappy which can lead them to be also. If you get divorced they can still have their life with their dad and the farm and all that great stuff. You have a a good self esteem about your self and the longer you stay with him it's going to go down as well. You deserve better as well as your kids. You deserve to be in a relationship where your gonna be treated as you deserve to be. If this guy wants to be like this let him do it to himself not drag you down with him. I wish you the best of luck and if you ever need to talk e-mail me.
2006-07-07 06:47:30 · answer #1 · answered by babieshay27 3 · 7⤊ 1⤋
I am a strong working woman. My ex-husband and I were highschool sweethearts. He joined the Navy and while he was away we decided to get married. When he got out your daughter was 3 yrs old. He drank more then he had ever before, he worked but at very low paying jobs. He didn't help around the house a lot and we faught all the time. We kept it away from our daughter but it is exhausting living with someone that you truly know deep down inside that you don't want to be with. If you are an educated women and a terrific mother then divorce him. The children will still be apart of his side of the family, but it is worse for the children to be in that kind of environment. They can pick up on the tension. You and your children deserve more. Also do you really want your children to have that kind of roll model as a father?
I divorced my husband and raised our two children by myself. There is less tension between us and our children are happier seeing that we are happier.
2006-07-07 13:48:19 · answer #2 · answered by katchme_2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ashely,
I can read the frustration in you question. there are no easy solutions to this situation. have you spoken with the kids about the situation?. perhaps a trial separation would help relocate yourself somewhere local that the kids can see their father and establish your Independence. your in pain now and the only way you will begin to heal is to accept that life needs to change. He will never stop cheating and you will never be able to have the most important part of a marriage ...Trust. it will be pain full to go through I know from experience but as hard as it is to believe the pain goes away. you have years ahead of you to live a happy and fulfilling life you just have to take the first step .I wish you well
2006-07-07 13:48:11 · answer #3 · answered by leopion2001 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is drinking a lot and has a mistress then you need to get out and make the best of your life. The kids will still have their dad. He will always be their dad. But you can explain to them when they get older about what happened and believe me they might be hostile for awhile but later they will respect your for it. You can make visitation for him to see them still. But as a husband he sucks!!!!!! You deserve to be happy and not miserable!!! After he sees that you have moved on then he will try and get you back but I think you need to fing somebody that will treat you the right way. I just recently got out of a relationship like that and it was the best thing I ever did. Trust me.
2006-07-07 15:49:16 · answer #4 · answered by Wendy B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are being walked on. my ex was the same way his mom would even cover for him and tell me he loved me. He is a selfish jerk who needs a kick in the ***. Who cares if he has money you will get half. As for your children they can still live the lifestyle just not with him. Maybe your children don't see what is going on but i bet they can see it in your eye's you sound like a smart lady so get off the pot sweetheart and start a life for yourself it is a scary thought but being unhappy in an unloving marriage is even scarier. It is time to take a stand and better yourself.
2006-07-07 17:43:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go join some clubs. Join a fitness club or something you enjoy. You say there is money so use it and get out of the house. Find other loves or hobbies to enjoy. Don't stay in your home and mope. Enjoy your life. If it gets unbearable, leave. You have been through a lot.
2006-07-07 13:49:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are religous then ask your pastor/preacher/priest for advice. You might also try a good counselor in your area. You should also ask somebody close to you, i.e. a good friend, relative that you can trust. While you might get some good advice here, none of us are fully involved in your situation and can truly be a good sounding board for your problem.
2006-07-07 13:45:15 · answer #7 · answered by willinkc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try talking to him. If that doesn't work, leave him. The kids don't need a father who is drunk all the time and is cheating on their mom. I'm sure the kids will understand everything when they're older.
2006-07-07 13:44:48 · answer #8 · answered by premie84 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
File 4 divorce do not tell anyone till it is filed fill out your own divorce papers find out how much he is worth net worth stocks bonds $$ in the bank, how much he makes. ect,, then you will get 1/2 or more of evrything he has a steak in and also go now e-mail me
2006-07-07 13:48:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
one this that really jumped out at me is his drinking i am wife to a recovering alcoholic that was verbaly and physicaly abusive when drinking. i felt trapped for many years. we also have 3 children and my life revolves around him. i also forgave him for his affair. it is a hard life to live! but please talk to him and be prepared for which ever way things work out. he may decide the only thing that matters is u, or he may tell u to hit the road. either way u deserve to be happy. put your self first. it will make life for everyone envolved better
2006-07-07 13:56:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋