Why do people make their kids think that everyone's a winner?

Question

When little kids play baseball, they say "Don't worry even though you lost, you still won because you're a winner, everyone is." Why do people lie to their kids? NO, in baseball there are nine winners and nine losers (and also any other players besides the starters) you are lying to your kids making them think everyone always wins, then when they expect to win someday, they will lose for real, big time. What I want to know is why don't you just let your kids compete against each other to see who's better than the other, who's the real winner? Just let them play to show their skills not to play because you make them.

Yes but the best for your children is to make them become better then everyone else. If you do that they will be happy. I just don't belive in this nonsense that everyone's a winner because it's not true.
If you teach them that everyone's a winner, they won't become involved with their favorite baseball team. The one fun thing about being a baseball fan is that you will always believe that your team is the best, whether they win 100 games or not, if they make it to the playoffs or the world series, they are that much better than all the teams that didn't.

Also if you lost, you would want to try harder next time and keep getting better until you win. Then the winners wouldn't know what hit them and just be depressed their winning streak is over. So losing is good to have because it can drive you to win.

in baseball the points do matter or they should at least. the only reason they dont matter to you is because you make yourself believe they don't matter.

exactly my point yankeefan, I am a Cardinals fan and I was disappointed in 2004 (for reasons you may already know and i wish not to repeat) But what I do know is that Right now we are the best team in the NL, we don't win them all, but we are better than everyone else in NL as far as w/L % goes. We are trying so hard to win it this year, and even if we don't win this year, we will get better and better until we do. I hope after that we keep up our strength and teamwork so we can be winners more than one year. That's what baseball's about, becoming the best then staying the best.

The point is that in organized play it should count but in non organized play it should be up to the players to decide. If a kid is on a team, he should want to be there to try to win, if he doesnt care about trying he should play with his friends in an unorganized game.

You're right about the one kid on the losing team thing but that kid is a winner in a totally different category, if he has the highest batting avg. then he wins out of all batters, but I'm not talking about the individual player i'm talking about the individual team. So Pujols hits 80 HR this season (hypothetically) then he wins the HR record, but his team only won the NLDS, and lost the NLCS that means that the team is not a winner, sure they did great and got farther than most other teams but they're trying to become the ONE SINGLE WORLD SERIES CHAMPION TEAM. That award is given to the team, while the HR award is given to the player.

If you played your absolute hardest and still lost you are a real losing team then, Take KC Royals for example, every year they try and try but have not had a winning season since probably '85 (correct me if I'm wrong) they are not good enough with the team they have now but if they get better players, there might be an '85 world series rematch soon. sometimes winning's not about trying, it's about making changes.

Well you're partially right, millie, it may not be one kid's fault his team lost but he is still on the losing team, he himself might not be a loser but his team is.

one kid is not a team, the whole team depends on everyone thats why even the best player will lose if the other 8 players on his team really suck. the team is a loser but in hitting, fielding, pitching or whatever that one kid is good at, he is the winner. That doesn't take him off the losing team.

No they shouldn't be sad but they should learn from their mistakes, play better next time and keep trying harder until they win. Being told they are losers should help them want to try harder.

Thank you awsomebill good theory however is probably not a majority of the time.

It doesnt matter if I have kids or not, I still think that it's not right to lie to kids like this. And not just in baseball either. You know the saying "We have lost the battle but we will not lose the war"? well in war, if people go and think that they will win no matter what, They end up losing the battle, they say that saying, this happens over and over but they keep losing. Even when they tried their best their absolute very best they still lost. Do you think they'll go home and say "Don't worry, we're all winners because we tried our best"?

Answer 1

Hold Up One Second!!

I have a 4 year old boy...I just took him to his first NY Yankee game at The Stadium last month...for the record...they lost...but that's point...the point is I teach my son right and wrong...yes, he was crying at the end of the game because we lost...but I told him NO ONE wins them all, NO ONE...and I also told him you can't win them all no matter how hard you try. So, maybe some fathers and mothers bring their kids up thinking that everyone's is a winner, but that's not the way I was raised and that's not the way my son is being raised...he is being raised the right way!!

Answer 2

You are right -- there are winners and losers.
But it is important to not distinguish this to kids because they are 1) emotionally fragile and 2) what if they never play competitive baseball again? No sense shattering a child's self worth over something he doesn't even want to pursue. If he ends up losing 10 games in a row in one season, he'll just consider himself a loser the rest of his life. And that's not the case.

He may become a scientist one day...as long as he gets the proper encouragement.

Winning is only important to the parents -- because THEY are the ones competing with other parents. "My child is better therefore I'M better than you" All that BS. Do what's best for the kid.

PS - are you actually comparing child sports to MLB examples? HELLO --kids are not professionals. They eat their own snot for cryin out loud.

Answer 3

i haven't read any other responses, so if i'm repeating, sorry....but there's more to winnning than just the final score.
a kid on the losing team may have passed a milestone for himself, or learned how to accept defeat in a sportsmanlike way.
or he has learned some other lesson, like teamwork.

trust me, the kid knows he lost the score, he doesn't need to be made to feel that just because his team lost, he's a general loser. when parents say that everyone wins its in overall abilities, not just the score. besides if your kid knows that YOU think some people are losers because thay can't do this or that, and then it turns out your kid can't do this or that, then your kid will feel that HE is a LOSER, because you consider ppl that fit into the same category as he does, are losers. Monkey see, monkey do. its all about giving the kids confidence, so that they do go out and try things and become successful people. if they're afraid to try because they'll be labeled losers (by their parents no less) even if indirectly, then they will be losers and all because of a parent who thought like you. young kids are impressionable. did you tell your toddler that santa's not real too? believing in santa creates a healthy imagination, which kids need to learn and explore.

Answer 4

I agree with the sentiment, Topher, just not the rather pejorative way you express it. I am guessing you are a young person, not a parent who is a high achiever and highly competitive.

I believe competition is healthy. I think there are vital lessons a child learns from losing a competition, ranging from how to lose gracefully all to way to how to put losing into its proper perspective in one's life. Without the occasional loss, the thrill of winning, of achievement is not as sweet or meaningful.

The parental behavior you describe in your question comes from a parent who simply loves their child and can't bear to have the child's self-esteem take a beating. The parent is not educated as to the best and proper way to teach the child hope to cope with and learn from losing. Perhaps the parent has never learned how to handle losing him or herself.

Instead of telling the child/ren that they are all winners, which all kids are smart enough to know is a lie; it is better to say:" I am proud of you b/c I can see you really put out your best effort. The other team was stronger, etc. but all you can ever do, or expect from yourself is to try your hardest and you did that. So, today you lost, but tomorrow that same effort may put you over the top."

On the other hand, if the child/ren did NOT put out their best effort, it is really fatal to tell them they are all winners, etc. That is just wrong. In that case, it is best to say this: "You know that you did not put out your best effort today. You are capable of doing so much more. I have seen you do so much more than you did today. Now, there are never any guarantees about winning, and the other team was very good, but you guys would have stood a much better chance if you had really put it all out there."

The thing is that kids know when they are being bs'ed. It is far better for their respect for their parents and for their self-esteem for them to hear the truth.

But you see, you never ever call them "LOSERS" . That is unnecessarily mean and demeaning. You just tell it to them like it is without labeling them either meanly or incorrectly (eg as winners)

Answer 5

Watch the movie about Jim Pearsall. He had a nervous breakdown because he could never satisfy his father. When it's the parent that is more concerned with winning and losing, it's the kid that loses out in the end.

It all comes down to self esteem. Just because the kid loses a game does not make him a loser. That's the message the parent is telling him. The kid will understand, thank and love his parents for teaching him that lesson when he grows up.

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Answer 6

This has been the trend, this is why kids can't play dodge-ball in school anymore. I agree that society has got too sensitive about winners and losers. But I think that the REAL problem with your scenario is the Parent involvement...Why can't kids just play to play. Everything has to be so "organized" and "specialized"...The winning and losing part would take care of it's self if Dad(s) didn't have to be there. Quit living threw your kids and let kids play, they will learn life lessons about win/lose, teamwork, sportsmanship,and cooperating.

Answer 7

Simply put, it's because those parents weren't able to make their dream of being pro, not getting picked in gym class, or just don't agree with the fact that sports always has a winner and a loser. It's ruining society. Losing is a part of life and everybody can't be a winner. It goes against nature. We aren't entitled to success.

Answer 8

At young ages, "competitive sports" are not so much about competing and winning as they are about getting exercise, socializing, learning to be part of a team, learning to depend on others and have them depend on you, and so on. You don't hear high school coaches telling their players they are all winners, because by that level it really is about winning or losing, and you don't play unless you intend to win. But for a 6 year old kid, "You should feel good about trying your best" is a more important lesson than "You need to work on your curveball".

Answer 9

because they want to make sure thier kids get to have fun in what ever the activity is and show thier kids that to always keep hope and that no ones a loser and plus kids give up easy some times and they get stressed out because they think that thier total failers which no one is they need that self a steam and you can't make it through life with out self a steam to keep you going and if you brighten a kids day by sayign hey your a winner to me maybe not to tother but your a winner because they try some kids arnt good at things but they try so don't tell them your a loser tell them you think thier a winner because every ones a winner for trying

Answer 10

I think kids need to learn to be good losers and accept defeat gracefully. There's nothing wrong with building their self-esteem but they also need to know that no one wins all the time, someone has to be the loser. And when you really think about it within the scope of the Big Picture, as Drew Carey says, "the points don't matter."