Im still living with my ex-gf and my actual gf wants me to move out.?

Question

My ex gf and I have been together for 15 yrs. Couple years ago I realized that she wasnt what i wanted and I moved on. Apparently she didnt realized it, because two years ago i met this girl and we started dating kinda in secret. I told my ex a year ago about this new girl and told her im in love with her. She went nuts, she told me she didnt know I had moved on. My actual GF accepted to wait for me to end that nicely, but after 2 years she says this is getting too long. My ex gf and I bought a condo and still live together as friends, she has been my best friend since high school. Now my actual gf has given me an ultimatum, if i dont move out, she will leave me. I told her we are gonna sell the place and split the money soon, so we (my new gf and i) can buy a place for us. She complains that I've been promising to move out since we met and i havent done it yet. She says she cant deal with this anymore.
I dont want to pay rent and mortgage, so i will stay. Am i so wrong?

Answer 1

Listen, what you have done to your "ex-girlfriend" was very wrong. You say you realized after thirteen years that she is not "what you wanted". Well, you wanted her for thirteen years, you have lived with her as man and wife for fifteen years now. Then you say you "moved on, but she didn't know it". Of course she didn't know it! You were still living with her, sleeping with her, you didn't tell her you had "moved on". That is cowardly, what you did and what you are doing now as well. You need to grow up and stop being so selfish.

The woman you are currently living with is not your "ex". You said you started dating "secretly". What you did was CHEAT on your current girlfriend and now have another on the side. You say your current girlfriend has been "my best friend sence high school" yet you have no problem hurting her this way. You do not want to give her up. That is the bottom line. You hit a lull in your relationship withh her, which by the way is very normal in long term relationships, and you turned outside the relationship to get your "needs" met. What you should have done was turn inside the relationship to your wife and let her know you were having these feelings which were confusing you. You did not give her a chance to work with you on saving the marriage. I say marriage becouse in many states this would be a common law marriage. Fifteen years is not an immature boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, it is a MARRIAGE. In your heart you know this is true. You cheated not only physically but emotionally, and you robbed your wife of her rightfull options of trying to work through these feelings of yours and get you both back to a healthy place. Instead you did the immature action of looking outside the marriage and you have injured it and your wife severely. Of course she "went nuts"!! Do you only think of yourself? Do you care what you have done and are doing to her? You claim she is your best friend, yet you do not have any problem hurting her so deeply. She LOVES you! Are you really so immature and selfish that you care nothing for her feelinsgs? If so then you need to leave immediantly. Get out of this poor womans life and let her beginn to heal.

I do not give a rip about what your mistress if feeling. She has interferred in a marriage and deserves whatever she gets. She has stolen your affections away from she who has them rightfully. In some states your wife could sue her for alienation of affection! You did not mention if you have children with your wife. If you do, what about them? Do you not care what this will do to them? Do you really only care about your finances?

Yes, you are wrong. But not about what your mistress thinks. You are wrong to hurt this woman who has given you her love and life for fifteen years, take your attention, affection, and friendship which is rightfully hers and allowed another to have it. That is not only wrong, it is selfish and immature and you have deeply wounded a woman who has only loved you all these years. If you had turned to her instead of another woman you would have saved this relationship. If you had allowed your wife to know you were troubled, feeling lonely, or whatever you were going through, allowed her to work through it with you, you would not now be faced with this horrid decision.

If all you care about is your finances, you do not deserve either of these woman. That is shallow and selfish. Your wife deserves to be treated much better than this. You did not have a right to seek outside your relationship with your wife, you did not have a right to hurt her so deeply. By still living with her you are giving her false hope. She is not still living with you because she really has "accepted" a friendship with you only, and deep down you know this. By continuing to live with her you give her hope that you will turn to her again and that she will be able to save this relationship she has given so much to for fifteen years. To move away and get with another woman while still living with her is horrible and you had no right to do this. You are very much in the wrong here. You are WRONG, HURTFULL, SELFISH, and need to get out and stop HURTING this woman. STOP giving her false hope. You will not be able to keep a "friendship" with a woman you have injured, wounded, so deeply. You can not have your cake and eat it too. In other words you are not allowed to do this. It is very wrong, and it is very immature and selfish. Get out if you do not want this woman who has so deeply loved you all these years, who has been committed to you and honored and respected you. You do not deserve her. If you want her you need to stop seeing this other woman, get down on your knees and beg her forgiveness and hope to God you have not permenently killed this relationhsip. However, If this were me you would be out on your behind in a moment.

Get out, you can't have them both. Stop this selfish behavior and grow the heck up. Sheesh!! Get real here for Christ's sake.

Answer 2

yeah.

Move out. Sublet your space, or sell it and get your share. This is a MAJOR sign to your current that you are NOT serious about your relationship with her, and you have your ex waiting in the wings as a back up at any moment.

Move out. I would have dumped you a year ago if you hadn;'t told your ex that you were seeing someone else. And the fact that "she didn't know you had moved on" tells me that you were still sleeping with her too.

Answer 3

Yes, you shouldv'e done this a long time ago. Jealousy really gets people. If you are selling your condo, get out right now and deal with the double payments for a couple months. Show the new gf you love her, it will go a long way.

Answer 4

Yes you are wrong. If you and your ex broke up then one of you should have moved out then. This must be a good women you have now to put up with this sh*t. If you want her one of you should move out. Look at it like this. If your ex didnt think you had moved on then you guys were still having sex!!!! How would you feel if your new g/f was still living with her ex? Thought so. Move out

Answer 5

well take it from a girl that is 16 and i have not be thought this way before but my friend as in Boy friend had me pull my hair out but not try to be rude or nothing but why r u not pay anything but u leave there right and its not far to some body that let u stay with them and u not pay the bills or anything that why y'all r men but not try to put it all on u y'all should of at least talk about it before this went on but more in for e-mail at [e-mail] but i know alto even thought I'm only 16 so free feel 2 talk to me at all any time in the mo-ring in the even or when every u feel u need to talk I'm here for u?

Answer 6

Move in with your girlfriend. That's a lame excuse about paying rent.You are only fooling yourself.You haven't let go and moved on, your still there in the same house with the same lady.You only moved out of the bed and how much is that true.Move on also means grow up.

Answer 7

First of all you need to check the laws in your state, you may be common law married to the first girl whether you like it or not. My state did away with common law marrige some years ago, but it does not apply to couples that were already common law married at that time. That being said, what you are doing is very wrong, and unfair to both women. I'm suprised ether one of them will have anything to do with you.

Answer 8

Why don't you move out and have your gf move in and pay you rent? That way, she won't be jealous that you're living with your ex and you can cover the rent on your new place. Besides, it will be fun to watch those two cats fight.

Answer 9

Youa re extremely wrong in this scenario. I would have kicked you tot he curb two years ago! Treat your new gf with some respect and stop whatever it is you are oding with the old. It's not fair to her. You should be moving in with her not still stuck with your ex. Come on use your head.

Answer 10

only a selfish idiot or a man would ask this question? excuse me? so you've been shagging your ex-usuing and abusing-meanwhile you seem to think your current girlfreind is being demanding cos she wants u out of the aprtmnt u share with yr ex? u r so screwed up that a lifetime of yahoo answers won't be able to help you. hopefully, yr current gf has freinds that r telling her to drop u like a sack of bricks .
i think u and yr ex deserve each other. yr currnt gf is too good 4 u.

Answer 11

Your girlfriend is a smart woman because she know that in a good relationship both partners are genuinely and equally committed. She's right it is best for her to exit the relationship. You are actively destroying your relationship contract. Monogamy is considered part and parcel of certain kinds of relationships. Marriages, engagements, living together, long-term relationships, all of these bring with them the expectation of fidelity. It appears that monogamy is part of your contract and you are not honoring it, so her jealousy is completely justified.