My dear friend is trying to conceive by IVF. I want to be supportive, but I feel guilty about having a baby of my own. How can I handle this appropriately and be a good friend to her?
2006-07-07 06:03:11 · 5 answers · asked by SAHM 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Trying to Conceive
Having undergone IVF myself....
Spend time with her alone. Don't bring your child with you...and talk only minimally about your child. If she brings your child up..GREAT...but don't take it much further than what she asks.
The most stressful part of the IVF is the two week wait to find out if you are pregnant. That's an important time to be there for her. Maybe try and see her, bring her magazines or got to a movie with her. Don't bring up the IVF...if she wants to talk about it she will.
And understand that if she's not in the mood for company during all of this....it's not about you. Don't take it personally...some people just like to withdraw from the world while they are going through it.
I know for me.....I didn't like talking about much while I was going through it. You're a great friend for even asking what you can do for her!
2006-07-07 07:31:24 · answer #1 · answered by NancyO 5 · 8⤊ 0⤋
I have a friend who is going through the fertility pill and she has tried for four years to get preg. and she's very emotional about the topic. We talk about it together, but I try to let HER bring it up. You don't always have to have an answer as long as you are there. Sometimes all you can say is nothing! Just be a good listening ear when she needs you and that will be more than she could ask for. You may be surprised how much she confides in you if you just listen instead of give her remedies or tell her of how many people did or didn't succeed by IVF. I asked a simular question a few weeks ago. I am trying to get pregnant too, and I didn't know how I should go about telling her since she hasn't been able to. Just be a good ol' pal and a good ol' listener. Trust me, since I tried that it really works. You can add a few of your experiences if you want when you feel she can handle it. Above all, be honest with her and if she starts crying, tell her how you feel and if there is anything you can do. Just her knowing that you worry about her feelings, may lift her spirits a little. :)
2006-07-07 18:08:41 · answer #2 · answered by Troopers_Gurl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
AS someone who is going through infertility.We have been trying for almost 18 months. I might have to do IVF in the future, we are looking toward intrauterine insemination at this point.
Please just be there for her. She needs someone to hold her hand, give her a hug. Please DON'T tell her to relax, that it will happen. Just be there for her, let her vent when she needs it, let her cry when she needs it.
Yes she is probably envious that you already have a baby, but she's not going to stop being your friend if you are supportive and caring. It's not your fault that you can get pregnant, but she can't. She is going through a very hard time, and she just needs you to be there. She might be selfish, but she has all rights to be. It's a hard thing to deal with it.
Anyway, all I am saying, is being there will be the best thing. She needs you.
I hope the IVF is successful for her! She already has a great friend by you coming on here and asking!!
2006-07-07 14:01:07 · answer #3 · answered by Samantha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she is a really good friend sit down with her a be honest! Let her know your thoughts and concerns upfront, don't hold them back. My friend and I were both pregnant and due 1 month apart, I lost my baby at 20 weeks and she didn't come to the funeral or look at the pics a sent even though she wanted me to send them. After several weeks I emailed her a told her how bad my feelings were hurt! Come to find out she had been told by her mom and husband that they didn't want her to attend the funeral of a dead baby that being around that much sadness wouldn't be good for her(she has also lost a baby) I had no idea that she was feeling this way and If she had just been upfront with me instead of making up reasons for not showing then I would have felt differently, I totally agree with her mom and husband but what it boils down to is that I thought we were good enough friends she would have been honest from the start
Good luck
2006-07-07 13:15:33 · answer #4 · answered by momie_2bee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
be there for her. she provaly doesnt resent you for havin a baby of your own, but understand if she can be a bit upset by it sometimes. u cant do alot to help her just be there when she wants u
2006-07-07 13:06:57 · answer #5 · answered by invigeration69 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋