How do you define verbal abuse?

Question

How do you know if you are in a"verbally abusive" relationship?

My husband can be mean, moddy, irrational and unreasonable. But when he's good, he's wonderful.

How do I address the problem when he doesnt feel there is a problem to address?

How do I make him understand that I am entitled to my feelings, whether he thinks they are justified or not?

Yes - if I try to bring it up when he is in a good mood he would say "What are you talking about, why are you trying to start an argument, you've just gone and ruined a good day, I was in a good mood til you started all that again"

Sometimes he will throw our baby girl up and down in the air saying "mummys a *****, mummys a *****" in a jokey, sing-song voice.

Answer 1

Verbal abuse...like saying the following...your stupid, never can do anything right, don't know why I married you, you don't know what you are talking about, not respecting you as a person...

Don't allow him to undermine who you are...he married you for the good qualities as well as your flaws...if he was like that before you married him...most likely he is not going to change...Also keep in mind that some women in there back of there mind think that they can change a man...don't get me wrong the same goes for some men...you can't change a person...that comes from within themselves...married couples have disagreements...but as long as you both can respect each others opinions...agree to disagree...

Also, don't make any excuses for his behavior...remember that you deserve to be treated with respect...

It is going to be hard to make him understand and respect how you feel...especially because he doesn't see a problem...you can't force someone to see something...he has to be willing to see it...remember some people don't like to see the truth even if it is biting them in there nose...

Find out if he is willing to go to a marriage counselor...take steps to finding a solution...most importantly get support from your family & friends...

I really hope that my answer gave you something to think about...

Take care and good luck...

Answer 2

I was in this type of a relationship for 3yrs. He was great at times but for no reason at all he would get angry and start calling me names belittle me and if i cried he would just laugh. This was a grown man. He made me feel like i was nothing that i would never be anything without him and that i was an awful mother. When you hear it enough you believe it one day you look in the mirror and you ask who is this person looking back at me. His mom would even take his side she would be right there when he would call me a stupid ***** and say nothing. At my lowest point he kept going out all the time as soon as he came home he would take a shower and then leave. My son would cry for him and if i asked him to stay home he would flip out. I ate 120 sleeping pills one night after a bad fight i couldn't take anymore i didn't see any other way out. I awoke in a hospital room throwing up after they pumped my stomach and the Dr. came to me and told me to get a divorce because when my husband walked the first thing he asked about was where was his car because i guess i took it and drove to my mom's who was watching my son at the time. Mental abuse is worse than physical bruises go away but words stay with you forever.

Answer 3

Isn't that just the age old question.
Verbal abuse is:
Definition:
Terms linked to verbal abuse should include the following: put-down; tongue-lash; ridicule; deride; mock; humiliate; taunt; scorn; belittle; embarrass; etc. It also refers to things like cutting remarks, name calling, sarcasm, etc. In general, verbal abuse refers to any statements or comments made about or to another person with the intent to inflict emotional pain or embarrassment, to provoke feelings of worthlessness, or to motivate a person to perform or conform out of fear or threat of harm.

For maximum effect, verbal abuse given to one person is often given in front of others to intensify the message, and to give notice to the onlookers that they could face such an assault as well if they do no measure up to the demands of the stressor/abuser. In their milder form, verbal abuse could include statements like these:

"You'll never be successful anyway! Why don't you just go dig ditches?"
"My wife never gets meals ready on time!"
"You are such a baby!"
"What do you mean, you didn't understand? Everyone ELSE understood! If you have a brain, you certainly aren't using it!"


He's going to feel like you are attacking him when you talk to him about it, but think of how you've felt! The good in a relationship can't be that good, if the bad is that bad!!!!

Answer 4

I think you already know what verbal abusive is. When you husband or anybody else uses you as their verbal punching bag because of their bad mood or unhappiness it is abuse.

If you allow this to continue he will beat you down so far that you will have no self esteem left (if you do now).

I seriously doubt you can make him understand that he has a problem or that you are entitled to your own opinions. He probably thinks your opinions should be the same as his.

Sounds a lot like my ex-husband.... NOTICE I SAID EX !!!

Answer 5

Any type of verbal communication that makes you feel less than a person. If he thinks there is no problem and you have told him your feelings, and he disregards them as legitimate, then he really doesn't care and you are in a no win situation. It may be just verbal now but somewhere down the line it will become physical. Seek some help before you are nothing but a shell of your former self.

Answer 6

As a victim of a verbal abuser, I can say that if it is hurtful or makes your life miserable and is unbearable to be around this person when he's like that, then it's abusive. When it makes you sad, feel unloved, unworthy, and your self esteem is suffering, it's abusive.
When he's in a good mood, bring up something that he's said that has hurt you...tell him in a nice way....like "hey, remember the other day when you said I was a lazy slob? well, that really hurt my feelings. I may not do as much as you do around here, but I do alot and when you say things like that to me that put me down, it hurts and makes me feel like Im not worthy to be alive. CAn you try not to talk to me like that anymore? I dont do that to you."
Of course, when I tried that, I heard "why are you bringing this shi-t up when we are having a nice day? what's wrong with you, are you some kind of an idiot that likes to start fights?"
so...it's up to you when and how you broach it, just be careful, and let him know that you love him and want to stay with him but it's hurting you to live this way. I just want to say that if at any time, he starts to get physical during one if his irrational stages, GET OUT!
Good luck.

Answer 7

Please, please, don't put up with this on a regular basis. If he doesn't see your point of view, then get the hell out. I lived like that for 17 years. I kept thinking that things would change, get better, that one day he would be able to see my side of things. Nothing short of an ACT OF GOD (or a really good psychiatrist) will get a verbal abuser to change his/her behavior. It would be bad enough if he was only abusing you, but now you are allowing the abuse to be perpetuated on your child. When he plays with the baby and calls you names at the same time, do you not realize that sooner or later she will learn to call you the same names? Verbal abuse is insidious. There aren't any broken bones or bruises to point to as evidence. The damage is just as real as any other kind of abuse. If he refuses to acknowledge the problem, or get help, then get out.

Answer 8

I am about reading to get answers it is good to have the information of others but it is amazing when you find out information for your self. Here are a few good books to get you going in the right direction:

"The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Respond and Recognize It." Patricia Evans (Bestseller)

"The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing" Beverly Engel

I believe this is a very good website: www.passiveaggressive.homestead.com
www.youarenotcrazy.org (or maybe.com)
Dr. Irene's website (look on the internet)
www.drphil.com

This information will help you decide for yourself but I believe in your heart you already know.

Good Luck and God Bless You

Answer 9

Verbal abuse: Name calling, demeaning actions, saying your not good enough, etc..... any of this is considered abuse. I've dealt with it for awhile now. I know from experience. They can be totally wonderful then all of a sudden, boom - they get pissed and there you are. I've been called many things by my husband. His best is the "C" word. I've also been called the "N" word. Its all demeaning. No one deserves it. It is what you put up with - what you are willing to have done to you. I've also sat there and made excuses for my man just like you are doing. Its up to you honey. What you will let happen before you decide you are done. If you can put up with him treating you disrectfully b/c he's wonderful sometimes? How wonderful are they really? If they can call you that? Mine says "well, you call me bad names when you get mad". Yes, I have. I get tired of being called the names myself, so I toss them back at him. Good luck. You have to decide. Just as I do.

Answer 10

Does he degrade you? Does he call you vulgar names? Does he make you feel worthless? Does he tell you that you are lucky to have him and no one else would have you?If you can answer yes, to these questions, you are married to an abuser, and it has a very real potential to turn physical in the future. Start seeing a counselor with, or without your husband...you will need the tools and support to reclaim your self worth. Good luck.