My sister & boyfriend ended up together about 5 years ago. She lived with him for 2 years and had my parents convinced they were just roomates, when she swore she would never tell my mom the truth I lost all respect for her. She is now with some other guy and assumed I would be in her wedding, I accepted just to keep my parents happy but I don't think I should have to take time out of my life to go to the shower. I bought gifts, but I absolutely don't want to ruin my only day off this week by attending a shower of someone I really don't like. I am tired of people telling me to "let it go" if I could let it go, I wouldn't be going to a therapist because of this. What do you think I should do. For God's sake I WILL be in the wedding!
2006-07-07 04:18:59 · 57 answers · asked by metalicgirl69 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
By the way I was adopted so technically she isn't blood.
2006-07-07 04:32:34 · update #1
I understand you want to go to the wedding to keep your parents happy, however, I think you're right. You shouldn't have to go to the shower. I actually think this is very considerate of YOU. If you don't like her, she probably knows this, it's her special time and you are being gracious by NOT stressing her out at a time when her attention should be on herself and her happiness.Don't get me wrong! I am NOT saying that you are the "bad guy". You are actually being the bigger person in this.
2006-07-08 03:23:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
I disagree with those who say family is the most important thing in the world. While it is important, it has it's place for everybody in varying levels. If you have your own huge issue about your sister, you dont have to hold a front and make everybody happy. I think the reason that you shouldn't go to the shower is basically because you dont want to. So dont. You obviously dont like your sister and you dont have to pretend you do for everybody else. Being in the wedding is a choice that you have to make, but since your entire family will be there, I realize that it would be them that you are going for and not your sister, and the shower will obviously not involve much if any of the family you will be seeing at her wedding.
Have fun in whatever you do. But no, you should not feel remotely obligated to go to a function where everybody is supporting and praising the person whom you have serious problems with.
2006-07-07 07:31:36 · answer #2 · answered by Brian L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW.. and I thought my family had drama! I think if you are comfortable not attending, then dont. I mean, its just the shower. Its not like its the wedding. Besides, showers are just so the bride and groom get more gifts. I personally think showers are rude because the guests already have to buy a gift for the wedding. Its like screaming.. GIVE ME PRESENTS!! I dunno.. just my opinion. I personally didnt have a shower when I got married. And, because its your sister.. she should understand your point of view. Sisters can be great like that. Not to mention she could stand up and give u kudos for sticking to your opinions. That is a great value right there. Not many people can say that!! Good luck to you though. Im sure everything will work out and you AND your sister will be happier for it. ( ;
2006-07-07 12:07:57 · answer #3 · answered by akosmacek 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well for the sake of your relationship with your sister and how you might feel later I would go. But you do not want to go and then be miserable which will then perhaps make others not have a good time as well.
Sisters are tough. I had to deal with the fact that my sister complained about all the things she had to do for my wedding and in return I did not receive a gift. So in that case I would not wanted her involvement after the fact. You know in your heart how you feel and you have to follow it.
I hope that helps somewhat :)
2006-07-07 04:27:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have a lot of hurt going on. If you don't go, that hurt might just snowball even more because you're not confronting it. You've lost respect for her because of not informing your parents of a very sensitive issue...that is hurtful, but is a mistake (which everyone makes at least once!), and it might now be time to make each day a new day. Try as hard as you can to get some positives in...things could definitely be worse!!! Good luck to you, and I hope happiness finds you soon!
2006-07-07 08:19:24 · answer #5 · answered by Ronni71 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait, its it your old boyfriend and sister that moved in together or her boyfriend and her sister?
You're mad at them because she moved in with him and didn't tell your parents??
thats why you lost all respect for her??
Dude, GET OVER IT. You're sister is a grown woman, if she doesn't want tot tell people things about her private life, then she doesn't have to, even if they are your parents.
If you don't want to go to the shower, don't go. But if you agreed to be in the wedding then you should be at the shower. Otherwise you should drop out of the wedding too, especially since you said that you "LOST ALL RESPECT" for her.
I could understand it if was something like, she stole your man from behind your back and seduced him to knocking her up and them forcing him to marry her... yea, then lose all respect,
otherwise, just move on. After your parents are gone, all you got left are your siblings. What kind of sister are you?
If I was your sister, I'd kick you out of my wedding. You are selfish and inconsiderate. Its supposed to be her day and you are just going to ruin for her and your family. But if you are comfortable with that, then don't go. Cause in the end it doesn't matter what anyone thinks but yourself.
2006-07-07 04:26:35 · answer #6 · answered by lemonheads 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So don't go. I have family members I won't make time for. If you really don't like her and don't respect her, just don't go.
But do remember that if you guys become close again (which may very well happen) you might totally regret not going.
I did not attend the renewal of my mother and adopted father's wedding vows because I simply could not deal with my mother's lunacy at the time. I've never regretted it because I know, even now, that at the time it would have been a really bad decision for me. Good luck.
2006-07-07 04:23:27 · answer #7 · answered by tagi_65 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! You are very selfish. If you really feel that way about your sister you should excuse yourself from the shower and the wedding. I know I wouldn't want someone who felt that way about me as part of one of the most memorable days of my life.
You may want to try and figure out why you really don't like your sister. The fact that she lied to your parents about living with the boyfriend shouldn't cause so much anger and resentment.
You may also want to consider how this will effect your relationship with the rest of your family. They may hold grudges.
2006-07-07 09:37:57 · answer #8 · answered by calichoppergirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should go to the shower and stop letting how she lives her life ruin yours! At least she's getting married to the guy & not shacking up again! And being adopted doesn't make a difference! This is your family no matter if they're blood or not!!!
Much Love!!
2006-07-07 05:34:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have more issues than just your sisiter. Let her live the way she wants to live why are you trying to be so involved in her morals? As long as she is happy you dont have to agree on everything she does. Voice your opinion and be done with it. Family is the only thing that will never change in your life. She will always be your sister no matter how you treat each other. Grow up.
2006-07-07 04:26:15 · answer #10 · answered by in love with superman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋