husband never ever ever wants sex?

Question

I am 24 in shape, attractive
he is 25 in shape..we are on no meds
married less than 2 years
sex once a month or can go even longer WITHOUT IT OR FOREPLAY
I have talked to him about it
he says "nothing is wrong..sex isnt important"
He says he is not gay..is not cheating on me
I try NEW things..am always naked around him/take showers with him...try to tease him.
ask him if he wants to do anything new.
he never wants to try anything new
he hates sex toys-- hates porn and doesnt masturbate
He has no interest in sex at all..
I am at wits end...
SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE ME SOME ADVICE!

even if i touch myself in front of him...no response

NOTHING

Answer 1

I don't have advice really, but that doesn't seem normal at all. My hubby didn't have a big sex drive at that age, but it wasn't to the extreme of your husband's. My husband's seemed to be work related. He was focused on his career, a hard worker trying to get us on our feet, and was usually pretty exhausted. Could it be something like that in your situation?

Answer 2

Why did you get married to him in the first place? What was he like before marriage. If sex was not important to him then, then why would you assume that it would be now. From what you are saying, it looks like he may have some religious hang ups about sex, if so then he may believe that sex exists only for reproduction. And if that's true, then there is no hope that he will ever change.

But, in any case you have a number of options. Now if you truly and deeply love him and want to stay with him, then either you will need to change yourself and accept only what he is willing to give you, or you will need to seek out some marriage consoling.

The other options are to have an affair or just outright leave him.

For the time being though, stop trying so hard, it not you that has the problem but him. I sure you know how to take care of your bent up sexual frustration, just be sure that when you masturbate, do it where he can not see or hear you, it will only make things worse. And stop teasing him it does neither of you any good.

I hope this helps a little, good luck in what ever you decide to do.

Answer 3

He obviously has a low sex drive for some reason. Would he be too embarrassed to see a doctor to find out what's wrong? Is he or has he been depressed as that will do it too.
You are doing the right stuff and it should be working. I know men way way way way older than that and need it much more often than that. I mean - not everyone is the same and I'm no sex expert or anything. I'm not young and naive either - I am in shape -- I think there may be a medical problem with him.

Answer 4

Well, first of all, don't think that your case is special. A lot of people are in the same situation but they won't admit to it.

The best way to have him have sex with you(if this is what you want) is to give him a chance to want you.

How?

First, go away for a few days, and when you come back, change your hairstyle...

Do things for yourself, go out, and take a few classes.

When he does something bad, make him strip while you keep your clothes on.

play physical games with him, have him try to take off your clothes while you put up a fight, but these activities should never lead to the sexual act.

Don't look at him in the eyes

Never question his manhood

No, he's not gay

Yes he masturbates(while he's thinking of you)

He's probably not cheating

he just doesn't want to HAVE to have sex.


everything will be okay

Answer 5

Was there ever a time in your relationship where he was more sexually active? if not i would say he just has a low sex drive, which may be a problem for you both as its important to have a similar level of sex drive, or else one person will always be all ove rthe other. If it is a new thing that he doesnt want to have sex, it may be that he just is not into you as much as he used to be. stay positive and dont show you are desperate, get on with your usual masturbation etc. whatever u do, and if he notices he notices, if not consider gettin out..

Answer 6

However, you have had sex, so it's a will issue rather than a physical issue. Does he not notice other attractive women? It is possible he is asexual.

Since sex is a normal part of life for most couples, I strongly suggest that you seek therapy to find out the what the problem is. By the way, it is him, not you, from everything that you have said. I also recommend that you stop having sex, if the opportunity arises, because you don't want children in this type of marriage. Your marriage is doomed, if this isn't corrected.

If he isn't going to go to counseling, you have no other option other than to divorce him or deny your own healthy pleasure. He is at his peak and you will be at yours in about ten years, so it will only get worse.

Answer 7

I agree with the others about seeing a physician.

He may have an Erectile Disfunction and is embarassed.
He may have a testicular problem leading to low production
of testosterone.

Any number of things.

However, homosexuality is an answer too. If you work out at a gym or something, he may have finally had an opportunity to see the object of his desire or even act upon it. Now the guilt and confusion set it.

YOU BETTER FIND OUT BEFORE YOU GET PREGNANT or something bad happens like an STD or in the case of him having a medical condition..... Cancer or something.

Cheers and good luck.
Remember, communication is key.

Answer 8

I'm terribly sorry to hear this. Not to take the attention off of you, but I just went through this last year. I'm 21 my ex-husband is 25. We had sex multiple times a week/day when we were dating and engaged. Then when we married it stopped. He had excuse after excuse: "I'm too tired. I'm not in the mood. You expect me to have sex after we just argued? Etc"... It got old. I like you was practically throwing myself at my husband to get some kind of reaction... Nothing. In the end I found out he'd been on the internet chatting with women. So I'm not sure about your husband. I don't want to or want you to jump to any conclusions.. But check up on him. Make certain he's not on the internet, or not stopping somewhere on the way to or back from work, etc... Ask around..

Answer 9

Oh dear! I was in the same boat. Nothing I did would ever change him, sad to say. I decided to divorce him, and move on. It was really hard, because I loved him so much. But he wasn't able to return the affection. I constantly felt rejected and hurt. Sex dwindled and eventually, we weren't even doing it once a year!!! I also thought he was gay or something, but still denies that too. Your story is so like mine its scary. Don't hang on as long as I did. Find out fast if he's willing to change, and put a timeline in place. If he doesn't change, leave!!! I kept hearing promises of changes...but nothing happened, ever! He said he'd "try" but to me, you shouldn't need to "try" to be affectionate. It should come naturally. (((hugs))) to you from someone thats been there.

Answer 10

Damn, what is wrong with him? Some guys just have not got the sex drive that others do. I would suggest him seeing a urologist and maybe gettin his testosterone checked. My brother in law had this same issue and his was just really low. Since they started him on testosterone shots he has been more happy in other ways besides sex. He has more energy and feels alot better all around.

Answer 11

My friend's ex-fiance was the same way. She ended up leaving him. Not sure to this day what was up with him. We speculate that he's gay. No guy, especially a married man is going to admit to being gay. All I know is if he used to be into it and now he's not, either he's cheated on you and feels guilty to have sex with you; he's cheating and has no interest in having sex with you; he's gay' or some sort of med condition.

Damn. That sucks though. Good luck.