Have I outgrown my wife?

Question

My wife and I had problems. I began making the changes and things have been more pleasant between us. She used to say that I avoided our problems. Now I am confronting her and she avoids discussing it.

She used to be ambitious but now she's not. I have several goals and I am working on them. So I'm very busy trying to make my dreams come true.

But I come home late and I see her just chatting online. I am starting to see her as lazy and not pursuing her dreams. I have tried encouraging her but I can't force her.

I said we should go out together and spend sometime together; even just for a drink and talk. She agreed.

However, she's not taking any initiative. She said she's going out tonight. I just said okay but it's bothering me because she made no effort to make plans for the two of us.

She takes no initiative in the relationship and is losing her ambitions. I'm feeling like I've outgrown her.

What's going on and what can I do?

Answer 1

Sounds like you are maturing faster than her, and you are seeing things differently than her. You guys seem to be growing apart, but you should let her know that. Let her know that you feel as if your marriage is slipping away. She probably said the exact same things to you in the past and you did what she is doing now. Like you guys had changed roles in your relationship. i suggest that take one evening off and make a romantic dinner/picnic. Talk to her and tell her your true feelings. You can even suggest marriage counseling, they will give you the tools to help get the spark and energy back into your marriage. If you don't have the money, then go buy some books and do it yourself. Hope things work out.

Answer 2

Each one of you are pursuing differnt things and there is no common interests to keep you bonded.

Notice in your question how you say that "you are pursuing YOUR dreams" intead of the goals of you as a couple. Also, she is getting emotional satisfaction from the internet and some fun with her friends out.

Perhaps you are not a fun loving person and she misses the excitement of going out, you in the other hand, are carreen oriented and you seem to be neglectingthe relationship, but blaming it on her.

Men should take the initiative, she would feel flattered if you do, but you are basically asking her to make romantic plans for you? It will mean A LOT to her if YOU do, What else...do you also make her get her own birthday presents too? Get real

If you want romance, be romantic, but don;t expect her to do all the work for you... lazy.

Good luck

Answer 3

She's depressed and you may be partly responsible for that. If you have ignored her for long enough, she may have found other ways to occupy her time.

This is a critical time. The two of you have obviously grown apart. She most likely chats online because she has no one to chat with at home.

Make the effort to talk to her and go see a marriage counselor.

Answer 4

You know what I hear? I,I,I.... It is all about you, what happen to us? You only talked about how wonderful you are yet, I don't see where you put much effort in the relationship. Confronting her about your problems is not fixing anything. How come you can't ask her out? You suggested that you go out together, you didn't ask her. I'll bet she feels you breaking away from her and is depressed. You are not all that dude, help your wife and stop patting yourself on your back.

Answer 5

I don't know if you have outgrown your wife, it sounds like your wife is just becoming too comfortable with a home life and doesn't feel like she needs to do anything. I don't know, i'm sorry, I hope things work out for you/

Answer 6

you both need to find something that will ignite that spark again, you are both in a routine pattern, make plans for her like a weekend somewhere, pack the bags for her and get her in the car and go

Answer 7

Accept her. You didn't marry her with a signed agreement that she should be ambitious did you?

Answer 8

couples counseling