How do I overcome the fact that my first baby will be my partner's second?

Question

I'm 25 weeks pregnant and am having my partner's second baby. This baby is my first baby. I always dreamt that I would settle down and have my partner's first child so I'm gutted it hasn't turned out like that. I love him to tiny pieced but I still can't seem to get over the fact that I cannot change this. Does anyone have any words of wisdom or comfort please?

Answer 1

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Answer 2

I feel you. My boyfriend has three children already so it feel slike everything that's new and exciting to you hes been there done that. Trust me, if he's anything like mine he loves his children more than the world and to think you have one of them growing inside you! I personally feel like his other children though I didn't give birth to them are mine too, and they are just as excited as he is to have a new litttle brother or sister to play with. Those pregnancy feelings, anxious, worries, giddiness all of it, doesn't change by how many children you have because every child is different and unique. Just make sure YOU don't ex him out of things because you think he wont care. Take him with you to everything! Doc Appointments, Baby shopping, Heck even New Mommy Shopping. Get him a Personalized shirt that says "Daddy x 2" or "Baby 2 on the way" Keep him excited knowing that you are excited. Especially during pregnancy even the most macho men get insecure and if he thinks that you feel something is wrong he's gonna feel it too and wonder if your reconsidering if you want his baby. Enjoy the special time you have together right now coz really soon you won't be getting anytime together and you won't be getting any time apart, because that wonderful baby is gonna take everything from both of you and then it doesn't matter how many babies he's had before your just gonna wish this one would stop crying so you can get some sleep! Good Luck and Enjoy!

Answer 3

No matter what you can't change his or your past but you can change the future. He has another child and that is nothing anyone should or want to be ashamed of. No matter what he will love the child the same be it his first or his second. It doesn't matter that it will be his second, the child that you are having is still a gift from god and that is all that matters. Put your chin up because you will soon have a beautiful child and all your worries seem to wash away when you see their face. So don't worry so much about this being his second because this child is a one of a kind because everyone is different.

Answer 4

You knew this going into the relationship. If it bothered you so much, you should have never slept with him. But its too late for that now. If you love him, truly love him, you'll figure out a way to become ok with this information. Its not like he just surprised you with a previous child. And since you said partner and not husband, your kid could have step siblings born before and after it. Either get ok with it or move on. Your issues didn't just crop up. So talk to him and try to make it work. But if you are still holding this against him after the birth, he might not be the right guy for you. And then you are talking about a broken home. So think carefully and don't let your pregnancy hormonal overdrive make choices for you.

Answer 5

Families today are all so different -- "normal" is really melting away. I have no doubt that when your baby comes, you and your partner will be so overjoyed that all these feelings will melt away. Besides, this baby, and your pregnancy are totally different than before. It's with YOU, and this baby will be the first one with YOU. This family, the one you are starting, will fulfill both of your dreams in wonderful ways!

Enjoy every minute! It would be terrible for these feelings to ruin this experience for you. Don't worry, this will be a dream come true for your partner too.

Answer 6

My fiance has been married twice before. it kind of gives me the same feelings you have, but just look at the plus side of things, My soon-to-be husband DEFINITELY knows what to do and what not to do...he's had the practice.

and your squeeze will know what to do with the baby, how to support the head and how to change a diaper and what not.

I'm 33 weeks prego and my guy doesn't even know what a breast pump is! be lucky that your guy is practiced up. you can't change the past, so try to find the sunny side.

meanwhile enjoy your pregnancy with him, it goes by sooo fast!
Good luck and Take care

Answer 7

You knew he had another kid when you got pregnant by him. You have no right to all of a sudden get mad or jealous now.. all I can say is that as a mother of 2 your love doesn't get split in half it gets doubled in size.. he won't love this baby or his first baby any more than the other and you have to treat them equally too. You're a step-mom now and the other child is your child's sibling. Do what's right.

Answer 8

Yes, it is hard to overcome, but remember no matter what happens this is your child. Rejoice in the glory of having your first child. I had my first with a man that already had a child. It really didnt change things for me. I loved his daughter. Now he treats her better than he treats my son which happens to be his only son. Not saying this will happen to you, but the moral of my story is that even though he acts like this, my son IS my son and I love him more than anyone ever could. I have a husband now that accepts my son and loves him more than his bio father and just as much as he loves our son together. Things happen for a reason. I have faith that you can handle this. Good luck.

Answer 9

I'm in the same boat - I just found out im five weeks pregnate - this is my first and this is his second child. We love each other very much - he reminds me all of the time and not to worry - I don't really worry about his daughter (I love just as much)- I think I worry more about the "ex" - If your guy loves you as much as you say - you have nothing to worry about. Just enjoy life - because your baby doesn't need to share your unneccessary stress or worrying. Don't let it bother you any more - from this point on you can't rewind - just go forward and go with it.

Answer 10

I'm was preety much feeling the same though I dont know if I;m pgnt yet. I use to think about it alot. I use think like well I'll have his 1st boy thoughts like that. I've grown to just except the fact now. I adore his little so much. Just take your mind off it think positive of the situation and you'll eventually get over it. God Bless...