It was Fourth of July and my husband and I were sitting on the couch watching television. He got up and went into his den to get on the computer. I did not think anything of it because I've always had complete trust in him. But when I came to see what he was doing, he was viewing pornograghy. I know guys look at that stuff and I could understand alittle more if I was not home. BUT WHY WOULD HE CHOOSE PORN OVER ME?
2006-07-07 03:03:19 · 22 answers · asked by godwon2 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My husband will get on the computer & look at porn while I'm there. It doesn't bother me, I'll look at it with him. Or we'll watch a video together. What's the big deal? Try watching it with him. You two might enjoy it.
2006-07-07 03:28:16 · answer #1 · answered by pkbuddy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. Such a powerful question and it's only 2 words. There truly is a long and drawn out answer to this question. However, let me start of with saying that I AM NOT A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR. All I'm going to relate to you is from my experiences for my marriage, and divorce. The reason that I used to choose porn over my wife was many fold. However there were 2 very major reasons.
1. There was no communication in the marriage. Sure, we did all the married couple things. Things like hug, kiss, say our "I love you's" and all that good stuff......but we didn't communicate. What I mean is those open hearted conversations filled with nothing but honesty. Even if it hurts your partner, it's got to be honest and truthful. Honestly talking about things like how was your day, and not just giving a 1 line quicky answer goes a lot longer way in a marriage than anyone ever thinks. It doesn't matter what you talk about, but in my eyes, you want at least 1 hour a day of open communication on any subject. To me, the best time was on the few occasions she would let me hold her in my arms while laying in bed and look her eye to eye. For more information on this subject, there are actually quite a few authors and speakers. One of the ones that I prefer is Dr. Wayne Dyer. You can find him at any bookstore, and of course online also. Here is the link for his webby http://www.drwaynedyer.com/ My second suggestion here is that you immediately begin seeing a marriage counselor that specializes in 2 things. a. communication and b. tantra The reason for tantra is that tantra is all about open communication....even during the love sessions. if you can find this kind of a doctor, and you do what the Dr. says, I'm willling to bet you will have a long and happy marriage.
2. There just wasn't any more excitement in the bedroom. She got into the habit where she would just lay there. Making her have a orgasm wasn't even a challenge. Typically, she would have 2 or 3 orgasms before I even began getting undressed. (I've always wondered how many she faked) However, this hurt our marriage too. Without her being willing to try something new, I turned to porn. Where I could constantly explore and expand my mind, While she closed her mind to everything. She had the "lazy orgasm" disease it seemed. The answer to this lies back with the 2 recommendations I made. Especially the second recommendation. The fact is - I even got tired of porn....but this went on.I got to the point that I didn't even want to see another cause I had seen so many, but things didn't change until after it was way too late. I'm sorry for this fact, and regret the 10 years that I wasted on that marriage. Of course, if I could do it all over again, it would be very different.
I hope this has helped you some. They say hindsight is 20/20, so I hope I just gave you focus on what your future may be unless you take action now. The only way to stop this, is swift and decisive action. You should be able to email me (skewbiesnacks@yahoo.com) if you have any further questions. I will be happy to help with what I can.
2006-07-07 10:25:51 · answer #2 · answered by The Mist 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a tough question, my ex was the same way, well maybe a bit more to the extreme. I dont think he actually chose it over you. more perhaps he was just in the mood to look. There are men out there who look, but dont get turned on by everything they see, a voyer of such.
Have you asked him about it?
While its true that men tend to be more visual than (most) women, they occasionally feel the need, or desire to just look at porn. This isnt a bad thing unless it is controling his life, and ruining his relationships.
If you have not asked him, do so, find out what you can do to take the place of the porn... (e.g. dressing a certain way when dressing, role-playing, etc. things to spice up the bedroom life)
2006-07-07 10:08:21 · answer #3 · answered by LoverOfQT 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't go for counseling like said before, thats just ridiculous. Its a guys thing and really has nothing to do with him choosing porn over you. That are different things. You'd be surprised how many married guys watch porn, and nothing wrong with that.. nature has programmed us this way..
2006-07-07 10:13:25 · answer #4 · answered by III 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't answer for every man but, for me it's just unanswered/ unreal fantasy! Not something we would ever act on! We are way to full of testasterone and sexdrive to always know why we do what we do. It's crazy I know... the truth is we are constantly thinking of sex even when it is inconvenient, wrong or just plain stupid. We are hopless and we know it. There are two heads and it's not always the good one doing the thinking. It's almost funny how unexplainable it is... hope I could help.
smiles,
2006-07-07 10:20:27 · answer #5 · answered by canadian_strongandfree 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats a nerve striker, I had the same thing happen and it feels aweful. I told my guy that we could talk about watching together because I felt cheated on (even though its on a screan). He understood my feelings but only after I turned the tables and started looking at gorgeous guys on the net.
2006-07-07 10:08:13 · answer #6 · answered by arreis 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For some strange reason porn turn men on. Try making a video with him and tell him to watch it. Or try on something sexy when he goes to the computer and tease him. spice your sex life up.
2006-07-07 10:06:30 · answer #7 · answered by sweeetkisses2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a man and they are visual creatures. Plain and simple. He isn't doing it to hurt you. I used to get bent out of shape about my hubby looking at it and realized that most of the pictures are air brushed etc. It is a fantasy. My advice to you is this. Talk to him but don't expect him to stop doing what he and other men have been doing for centuries.
2006-07-07 10:50:29 · answer #8 · answered by ladysteelersince1976 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
come on, don't read too far into it. From a very young age, before you two ever met, he was looking at porn. It's a guy thing.
2006-07-07 10:06:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
For the same reason you think that just "guys" look at that stuff.
You obviously don't spontaneously turn your parnter on. Try some thing soon.
2006-07-07 10:06:53 · answer #10 · answered by tiger_skratch 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋