I simply want to know why it is that my mother in law still has a say in where me and my man stays, works, goes on holiday, when we will get married etc.
I know she doesn't like me, but why if she knows he's happy with me does she keep sticking her nose in our relationship, and tries her best to sabotage our being together by putting words in my mouth.
2006-07-07 02:55:58 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
it is their right LOL
OK. Closely to all mothers doing it. My ex mother did it and eventually it broke my marriage, as my husband listened to every word anyone had to say and stop lessening to mine or my needs..
I was young then, was married at 21 (we seen each other for 2 years before getting married) and I decided to get divorce 4.5 years later when had enough of the MOTHER and everyone else..
So, yes, this is to do with your husband. My ex thought it was great that his MOTHER cared for him so much... he actually put two of us against each other so both of us started to fight for his attention (she was inviting him, and note not me, HIM for suppers... BRRR.. and this idiot went!)
You must stop it or accept it, but set boundries!!
Firstly, speak to your husband. He must understand that he left a home and now you are ONE not him and his mother. It could happenened that he actually did not noticed that you get so angry. Speak to him, but the way you muct speak to him, is not to show you dislike her (guys are very sensitive about that wow!) but just mention, one household needs only one woman, That is it! Tell him how much you love him and how much you respect you MOTHER in law however you believe you need to make your on mistakes, as her mistakes are opinions could be outdate due to different generation, what you or him like is not neccesary the same as she does.. or anyone else for that matter.
Ask him what does you MOTHER in law knows about your work or your needs, or your work or your husbands needs.
Today as I am older I would ask her .. (in the middle of be giving her opinions) what position does your husban like in the bed and can she ALSO explain that... exactly how to do it... she might realize that you makeing fool of her or if she will 'teach' you about it as well just laugh!! and LOUD!! (Ok, I know this is ugly).
Obviously your MOTHer in law cant let him go and see him as a small boy 9with a toy: you) and who still needs guidiance and her help. Tell him that, tell him that some gave the concern that it seems that his mother does not trust him to do his own decision and they thought he was different (that should make him want to stop that staff)
dont give up.. as she will destroy the marriege.. however the other option is to become her good friend so she will not feel threatened.. (but that hardly will work and she might want to control more)
Last two options is to be honest with her.or go for councelling with your jusband and once invite her (talk to a priest to talk to her??)
GOOD LUCK
2006-07-07 02:58:14 · answer #1 · answered by Desert 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She just wants what is best. And she still feels lke she knows what is best. Since she did such a good job raising him and all why would she not want to continue. Your husband needs to find some strength to stand up to her. Just don't get mad if it is hard for him. You and his mother are the two most important women in his life. He knows he has to choose you to take that top spot but it is hard. If he is really struggling with standing up to his mom why don't you try talking to your father in law about it? I am sure he knows how controlling she can be and he will probably see your side. Hope this helps!
2006-07-07 03:03:04 · answer #2 · answered by midnitestar812 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HOLY CRAP !!!! I go through something similar...EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE. The funny thing is that I'm a guy and it's my wife that they can't let go of. Usually it's the other way around. My mother in-law calls my wife EVERY FREAKIN' NIGHT at 9:00 p.m on the dot, faithfully. And if she's on the phone and doesn't answer the call on caller ID, she has to give an explanation. I don't know about your case but my mother and father in law are two insecure people that built there whole world around my wife as she grew up. Now that we are on our own, they have no life so they cling as tight as they can. We used to fight about it but I've come to the conclusion after 4 years of marriage that it will never change because as nice as they are, they have no life.
if you get a chance, click on my profile and go to my Yahoo 360 page. On my blog I have an entry titled, "The sweet scent of fear". It tells all about them. I hope it's comforting to know that you are not alone. ALOT of us go through it everday.
2006-07-07 03:05:04 · answer #3 · answered by Dominic K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't swap mine for the world. Having lost my mother as a child to Cancer, when I married my husband, I gained another mother who is kind and caring. She takes care of our son when we are at work saving us a fortune in childcare after school, takes him on holiday with her and would sell her right arm to help us.
Not all mother-in-laws have 2 heads and warts on their noses. I am eternally grateful to mine and I love her like she was my own mother.
2006-07-07 03:00:04 · answer #4 · answered by Violent and bored 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's insecure and jealous..kinda normal for some mother in law..your man should stand up for both of you..never get away with this or you'll have a life like hell. Good luck!
2006-07-07 03:17:37 · answer #5 · answered by willow 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl do I know where you are coming from.
I think that mine just does not want any other woman in my husbands life besides her.
I am married and I think that my mother-in-law hates me.
She puts me down behind my husbands back and then play all nice in front of him.
You just have to tell her to mind her own business and talk to your man about it and let him know how it makes you feel.
But you may just have to ignore her, that is what I have to do or to just walk away.
Just wait until you get married and have children.
If you can nip it the butt now because it may not get any better.
Good luck to you.
2006-07-07 03:15:35 · answer #6 · answered by rranderson1968 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to listen or allow that sort of thing to rule your life --- you and your husband should be mature enough to make decision about where you want to live, work,go on holidays----if you guys are allowing her to do that ---put a stop to it ---just tell her you two are married and you both will make those decisions and thank her for her concern but reassure her it's not needed at that time...... you and him aren't accountable to his mother for your decisions----
2006-07-07 03:13:04 · answer #7 · answered by jaimestar64cross 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing you can do honey. It is up to your fiance to sort HIS mother out. For as long as he lets her behave in this busybody controlling way then it will continue. Just take a step back and let her rabble on but be sure that your fiance knows how you feel - tell him in a nice constructive calm manner. He will soon wake up and realise that it is annoying.
2006-07-07 03:05:22 · answer #8 · answered by Sasha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Likely because your husband won't stand up to her and tell her that it's you and he that makes the decisions now!
I used to have a mother-in-law that made me feel like I wasn't good enough for her boy - little did she know I was too good for him! oh and she's now my EX mother in law ha ha
2006-07-07 03:05:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anniez say 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its interesting that you called her your mother in law if in fact you are not married to her son.
Maybe she feels she has the right to offer her son advice since he is not married. Maybe once he is married she will respect his wifes presence and allow them to make their decisions and live their own lives.
Just another way to look at it.
Best of luck to you!
2006-07-07 04:37:10 · answer #10 · answered by AccountableLady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋