help...again...?

Question

I don't know if anyone gets on this thing daily but...I asked a question yesterday about me and my alcoholic, loser husband and got great feedback. Well now he's here for a couple days getting his stuff and he wants to 'work things out' of course but it's very hard. i also have one of his daughters calling me and emailing me to try to give him a chance b/c he really loves me, it's just hard. i know all the truths i just need some total strangers' support. so please help.

Answer 1

You only live once, maybe its time that you think about "you" and not everyone else. If he truly loved you he wouldn't have done that to you in the first place. Good Luck :)

Answer 2

You need to decide once and for all if you want to give him a chance or not. Its not easy going back or forth with a decision especially as he's now asking for forgivness and having his daughter do it as well. As far as I'm concerned that pretty much sounds like blackmail. He sounds like a total loser and not worth it from the previous question details. Look at his behavioral patterns of the past, do you think he can change, does he even want to and do you want to be there if he doesn't manage to change. You need to look at it from all angles, this is YOUR LIFE. You need to decide what you want for yourself and your kids. Moving on is not easy, it never is, but it would be a new beginning, a new you with new ambitions for a better life. Don't let the future scare you, its often better than just settling for a constant.

Answer 3

Tell him no way. Until he goes through a treatment program and can show that he is clean and sober for a defined amount of time, you will not discuss reconcilliation. Do yourself a favor and hold your ground on this or the problem will never get better. You should see a counselor on your own regardless of what he does. You need to get tough with him and stay tough until he gets help.

If he does go through treatment and does remain sober for an extended period of time (6 months, a year?) and at that point you still want him in your life, then you two should go to a marriage counselor together.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Alcohol problems, can cause moodswings too. therefore your husband should live on his own for a while until he gets a grip on his addiction and his life, but still visit you from time to time or spend time with you, when u feel like it. by doing so you can see how serious he is. and set a time limit, at a certain date he has to be sober, more supportive... if not means he is not gonna change....
By doing so he cannot change his mind all the time, he really has to show how much he is interested in changing, and you can always stay away from him when you want to or have to...hope that helps

Answer 5

My sister in law is going thru this same thing, except he is still at home. I think she is a tough lady, because I don't know if I could handle what my brother in law is doing. Especially with 2 children in the house. But she says that God put them together for a reason, maybe it is because she is stronger than him and it is going to take her strength to get him through this. She is sure God would not put her through this for a reason. So she will stick with him as she has too. Is your husband getting help? If he is and he is going to meetings then go with him, don't let him go through this alone. TRY everything single last resort you can think of to get him sober, and don't give him a choice IF HE WANTS YOU BACK. If he really loves you then you have the upper hand. USE IT! I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 6

Hi, I think you need some time of separation. I know it is hard, but you and he could come out on the other end better. He will have to prove to you that alcoholism is behind him before you can get together. If separation is not the thing to reform him, you're not going to be able to help him. (tough fact) I've seen it a couple times in my family. Easy for me to say, but, be tough.

Answer 7

If you want your relationship to work(if you love him), than you might want to refrain from referring to him as a loser husband. I know your probably saying it out of anger, but sounds like you guys need allot to restore your relationship into a healthy one. My advice: Do what ever it takes to get through it if you both are willing to be committed to each other. Does he twelve step? if he doesn't, look in your phone book in the beginning, and there is a hot line for addiction twelve step meetings. You may want to consider going to alanon meetings, because your married to him. I strongly recommend a christian (non denominational church). The bigger ones have christian counselors, and sometimes addiction meetings, that are free, or extremely cheap. You guys may want marriage counseling also. It's all in what you both want, because your married. You may have to sacrifice alcoholic friends also. Well, not literally, LOL. Hoped this helped even in the least.

Answer 8

Alot of questions have been left unsaid. I am sure this has been happening alot and over some time. I have heard stories of breakups and recoveries. In all of them the only ones who stay on the road to recovery are the ones that truly stay on the non-abusive path meaning that they say they are sorry and change, but you get a sorry only ONCE. after that sorry is just wasted and the change will not happen. Life sucks in these situations and when you are being abused and abused and abused, it is time to get out. BUT only if you have truly given him/her your forgiveness at least once and you have spoken to him more then once about your feelings and how he hurts you, then you have tried all that you could have.

Answer 9

did u try to go see a marriage councelor? i did read ur question yesterday. he needs help and needs to go to AA. I bet its hard. I see it happened to my mom and then I had a bf that was an alcoholic and it can tear a family or any relationship apart. if he keeps telling u he wants to work it out and then let him go find himself and see if he really is gonna to change for the better and make sure he goes to these AA meeting and he goes to marriage counceling with you. i hope to GOd it works out, but if he doesnt approve than its gonna to be hard just to let go. do whats best for u and his daughter or if have any kids together. let him prove he is gonna to change before taking him back. GOd bless. I hope I helped.

Answer 10

ok I just went in and read your original question and first of all he tried to get you to sleep with other men, what husband would do that? second, he helps with none of the bills, and this is the third time this has happened, what more do you need? You will be fine without him, you obviously can handle it on your own and your son will be better off without him in the house. As hard as it is you have to stay strong for yourself and your son.

Answer 11

Well, you should at least listen to what he has to say b/c he might want to work things out and make a better life for the both of you. But if your feelings haven't changed after you talk to him, tell him so and act from there.