A secretary accused of helping two men steal trade secrets from The Coca-Cola Co. and trying to sell them to rival PepsiCo Inc. was ordered released on bond Thursday in a blockbuster case her lawyer likened to "a spy novel."
=A secretary accused of helping two men steal trade secrets from The Coca-Cola Co. and trying to sell them to rival PepsiCo Inc. was ordered (him/her) to be released on bond Thursday in a blockbuster case her lawyer likened to "a spy novel."
2006-07-07 01:16:24 · 10 answers · asked by omazzri 1 in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
No. The fewer words, the better, especially in a one sentence news bite. The "(him/her)" should be left out because gender was revealed later by saying "her" laywer. The extra "to be" is unnecessary to relate the story.
2006-07-07 01:31:45 · answer #1 · answered by cdb 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You are kind of correct grammatically, but giving a band-aid to a terminal patient. The problem with this "sent-agraph" is information overload.
A secretary accused of helping *steal trade secrets from The Coca-Cola Co. and trying to sell them to rival PepsiCo Inc. was ordered released on bond (this)Thursday. Her lawyer likened the blockbuster case to "a spy novel."
* the 'two men' reference is superfluous
2006-07-07 16:41:38 · answer #2 · answered by Wally 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your version is the second and you're asking if it's correct, the answer is NO. The first version, which I take it is the original, is correct as stated.
2006-07-07 23:38:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you can provide the same question in a clear format.relax,think about your question and then come again.
we are always there to help you.
2006-07-07 09:09:01 · answer #4 · answered by Aarthi R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First writing is more concise.
2006-07-07 08:55:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first..but you are missing some commas and I am too tired to do it for you...
2006-07-07 09:04:08 · answer #6 · answered by Maggi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont understand what u r asking
2006-07-07 08:21:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no, those to paragraphs arent the same...
2006-07-07 09:54:41 · answer #8 · answered by Link 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what do you think?
2006-07-09 04:28:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
what?
2006-07-07 09:05:29 · answer #10 · answered by Jon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋