I cheated on my husband and he can't seem to get over it. All we ever do is fight about it. I know it was wrong and I am trying to make things work between us but it's getting harder and harder. There is a child involved as well. Is there anyone out there who is going through the same thing and can offer some GOOD advice?
2006-07-07 01:13:20 · 15 answers · asked by sglesxyldy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
When I said GOOD advice, I didn't mean for some of you to come on hear and trash talk me. I wanted to know if anyone else thought it is possible to survive an affair.
2006-07-07 01:57:23 · update #1
Feel for you, I had that happen to me years ago and while I tried my darndest to forgive, I was unable to forget. Sounds like your partner is having that same problem. Keep the lines of communication open and eventually the trust should return. If not, ... Please don't think that because there is a child involved it makes a difference. Children pick up on things more than you realize and will know there is a problem. If you made a mistake once and know you will not repeat it, you need to either keep plugging away at it and when it gets hard, try doing something alone with your partner, long walks, etc. There is no simple answer no matter what Dr. Phil says, have you tried counselling? If none of that works find a person you can talk with, a friend, co-worker, anyone. If it is worth keeping, it is worth fighting for. Best wishes and good luck.
2006-07-07 01:24:46 · answer #1 · answered by Bob D 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband had an affair with my best mate of ten years and thats when I had realised that I had to think of my 1yr old son. Staying with him for our son's sake wasnt doing him any good. My son was happier with just the 2 of us, he was relaxed and less stressed away from the arguements. Maybe try having a break from each other for a while to have some thinking time then try make the relationship work further down the track after some time out from one another.
2006-07-07 08:27:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've never gone through this personally, but I've known a few people who have.
Yes, it is possible to repair a marriage and move beyond the affair. However, it's almost impossible without some good counseling. If he won't go with you, go alone. If money is an issue, most communities have some sort of counseling available with the cost based on your income.
My prayers are with you.
2006-07-07 09:08:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be overwhelminlgy attentive to his needs.. for as long as he will let you... It is really painful thing for a man to go through, he has to try to forgive if he can ... but he will never forget...
Personally, I dont think this can ever be overcome.. I tried for 6 years but in the end thats what I used as the reason for our failed relationship.. I just couldnt get over her affair even after 6 years had passed...
Its a fine line, every argument you ever have in the future will lead back to your affair...So my advice is to do what you can while you are with him... eventually you will get a divorce...
And please dont ever say "I made a mistake": a man doesnt want to hear that crap.. it was your choice to make it wasnt a mistake, you made a concious decision to do what you did.
and it hurts deeply to know that your wife that you loved could hurt you so badly...
Good luck...
2006-07-07 08:26:36 · answer #4 · answered by ibjuscoolin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will need to give it time...about a year. Figure out ways to regain his trust. Try counseling, even for just you. He must be able to forgive you eventually and trust you again. Take a good look at your marriage. Was something missing? 1/4 of marriages end up in divorce due to adultery. So you've got a 75% chance. Good luck.
2006-07-07 09:07:42 · answer #5 · answered by Christina L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, its very very hard to survive it. You both need to be willing to forgive and forget. If he isn't willing and actually does it, he will beat you up about it repeatedly. Try marriage counseling but don't bet it helps. Been there, done that. It's terrible I know. You'll live and learn that the choices we make must ride with consequences.
2006-07-07 09:27:37 · answer #6 · answered by sweetypie9 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i never cheated my man but he always thought i am. we argue a lot. lately he started to say I'm not a good wife. I'm not a good cooker, I'm not beautiful, that I'm fat (i am not), that I'm stupid. and the last time he punched me twice because i don't respect him. we have a little baby too, but if I'll ask for divorce, he'll probably kill me. it's not a solution asking the divorce. can you stay separately for a while? and after to start over. keep the baby close to you because a father can be forgiven, but a mother won't be.
2006-07-07 09:19:33 · answer #7 · answered by sunrise19ro 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you know cheating never solves any problems; just makes more. Second, if he didn't find out on his own, you must have confessed to your hubby...not smart. Third, it will take time for him to trust your cheating a$$ again! Fourth, go to counseling...cause neither one of you are mature enough to work this out on your own AND do it for your babies sake.
2006-07-07 08:18:47 · answer #8 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband should divorce you. You're not worth being with. Anyone who has an affair is immature, and selfish.
2006-07-07 08:40:46 · answer #9 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, accept responsibility for your mistake. You betrayed his trust and it is totally up to you to regain it. Don't try blame the problems you are having now on his inability to "get over it". It is going to take time, lots of time. You did it and its up to you to prove to him that you are worthy of his love and trust. Probably not the adivse you wanted to hear.
2006-07-07 08:24:28 · answer #10 · answered by p_k80808 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋